Apocalypse Earth on Tornadoes

DATELINE:  Terrible Winds


If you thought you had learned all you needed to know from watching the Wizard of Oz, you may find yourself well-informed on the subject of tornadoes after watching the second episode of the new History series on Apocalypse Earth.

You might find more than a witch on a bicycle being thrown skyward in one of the big tornadoes that hits the American Midwest.

The second episode of the Apocalypse series on History contains many facts and is quite informative. The United States, for example, has more tornadoes than any country on Earth. And these monsters can spin at 250 or 300 mph, doomsday in five minutes or an hour. Most tornadoes last about two minutes. Alas, the series continues to be repetitive and disjointed.

There are segments now and then called “Survivor Stories” but there is no difference with the rest of show. In fact, sometimes the heading is totally arbitrary and you hear from experts, not survivors.

We did learn about family outbursts (dozens of tornadoes coming out of one big system)  and that supercells and the F-category rating are fairly recent from the 1970s.

The worst place to be is Oklahoma, not Kansas, Dorothy.

There are rare historical photos from the 1967 outbreak in Oklahoma, or another bad one in 1974. They even go back to 1925 when the Tri-State tornadoes were the deadliest, but there is no chronology to these insights. Next, you will be hearing about St. Louis in 1896. Yet the info is compelling.

You can find yourself lifted up in a bathtub like one woman and tossed 300 feet. A piece of paper with identification was found 300 miles from where it was scooped up by winds of terror.

We did find this episode worth the time commitment of two hours.

Tom Brady on the Yellow Brick Road

 DATELINE:  On the Road to Federal Prison

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When last we left our story, L. Frank Baum was crying like a banshee from the Great Beyond.

Yes, Tom Brady turned to Gronk and said, “I don’t think we’re in the NFL anymore.” Indeed, as the two continued down the Yellow Brick Road, they encountered more weird doings than flying monkeys. Deflated footballs flew with psst coming out of them.

Brady was joined by Belichick the Tin Woodman, who was so stiff they didn’t have enough oil to loosen his jaw pins. He wants a heart. Also along for the long journey is Krafty the Scarecrow whose pronouncements against the Commissioner don’t scare anyone. He wants a brain. And no one in this story has the courage of his convictions.

Trump, the Good Witch of the North, had urged Brady to go to see the Wizard who trumped the Commissioner’s power. And so, the Munchkins of Patriot Place waved him away.

He has been stopped several times by the Wicked Witch of the West, also known as Goodell the Bad. He wants his Super Bowl trophies returned tout suite.

It’s a long journey to find the Wizard of the federal courts. It may take Tom as much as four games to find the place. It’s located in Canton, Ohio.

The main problem with this script is that Goodell the Bad thinks he is playing the Godfather, not a wicked witch. Brady thinks he is Superman, and Gronk thinks he is dancing for the stars.

In fact, this script will be a Kubrick production entitled How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Long Bomb, or 2015: A Strange Odyssey.