Rajon Rondo Insists He is Out of Shape

DATELINE: HUMOR 

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           Rondo & His Alter Ego

After a year of waiting to be cleared to play, Rajon Rondo has told the Boston Celtics and his fans that he is out of shape in addition to being out of his mind.

Don’t expect him back while eggnog is for sale over the holidays.

Rondo has declined to be seen with Jenny Craig, but may be in the constant company of Sarah Lee. And, no, she is not related to Courtney. He is seeing lard-ass Wendy on the side.

This past summer while convalescing, Rondo spent time in Kentucky where he hit every pancake house between his family digs and the summer basketball camp he ran for kids.

We never expected to have to draw a comparison between the Pillsbury Doughboy and Rajon Rondo, but the point guard insists that he fears those turnovers. No, he is not referring to bad plays on the court. He refers to raspberry turnovers that seem to be his favorite dessert to whip up in his culinary expert’s kitchen.

Rondo fancies himself a chef of the highest order, but lately he has taken to being a gourmand of his own recipe.

The Celtics star insists that in his first major practice he was winded badly. Apparently running back and forth for a year between his jumbo television and the refrigerator did not burn up enough calories.

Danny Ainge is listening to trade proposals for Rondo. He knows that a pound of flesh may be what is holding up the deals for Rajon. No, he isn’t asking for a Shylockian pound, but that buyers are wary of Rondo’s spare tire.

We are counting every calorie Rondo consumes.

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