Calling All Earthlings

 DATELINE: Post-Tesla Scientist

van tassel Integratron Shell

No, it’s not Ancient Aliens—which leads us to wonder how they could have failed to do a feature on George Van Tassel, the 1950s UFO-logist who held fabulous meetings out in the desert near Twenty-Nine Palms and Big Rock with 10,000 UFO followers.

California koo-koo birds have flocked to the deserts of California for decades. As the movie Calling All Earthlings indicates, many are still there.

Foremost was George Van Tassel, a US Defense Department weapons expert from Lockheed who also worked for Howard Hughes. He became disenchanted with nuclear warfare games—and moved his small family to an underground residence at Big Rock.

In the early 1950s, he began receiving messages and instructions on how to build a time machine, which he called the Integratron. It is still there, a marvel of creation that looks like a work from Frank Lloyd Wright. Made from the best lumber supplied by Howard Hughes.

How he built such an expensive, amazing structure can be explained by the folklore:  Howard Hughes flew in regularly with satchels of cash.

What Van tassel worked on was not a standard time machine. His was a walk-through that would cut 30% off your age.It was not recommended for those under 18. Even as a shell today, its acoustics are oddly perfect.

After 25 years of work, just as Van Tassel was about to start up, he allegedly suffered a major heart attack and died in a motel near Los Angeles. Some thought he was murdered. All his notes and research went missing—and his Integratron (always under FBI surveillance) was looted and rendered useless. Van Tassel wrote a few books, including I Rode in a Flying Saucer.

Director Jonathan Berman’s idiosyncratic documentary is nearly as weird as the inhabitants of Big Rock, but this makes for a fascinating exploration of a man after Tesla’s heart and Howard Hughes’ wallet.


Dopey, Dotty Doty: UFO Secret Agent

DATELINE: Another Pseudo-Crypto Agent?

Dopey Doty Rockin’ Robin?

Mirage Men is an antithetical look at UFOs, and it is not popular with true believers in ancient aliens. This documentary makes seers of spacemen look like dupes and fools. In extreme cases, disinformation science has ruined lives—and the key figure in the conspiracy is Mr. Rick Doty.

Yes, the government may be creating false news reports about UFOs for their own nefarious purposes: mostly to discredit reliable reports and people.

To create fake news, we have another one of those oddball low-level government agents, on the lines of Bob Lazar and Edward Snowden. These people have no academic or educational credentials and have risen up through “testing” and merit to positions that cannot be filled by West Point or Annapolis grads.

No one bothers to consider how these bona fide high school graduates are entrusted with the most important work of MJ-12.

The latest is the central figure among the fake news purveyors. Richard C. Doty is another bespectacled, well-spoken figure we cannot figure out. He is the supreme confidence man, drawing in UFOlogists with disinformation and insider knowledge.

In one extreme case, a fellow went “mad” over the secrets Doty purported to share as a colleague “special agent”.

How gullible are people? Doty was some kind of military rank around E-5 level, hardly more than a grunt GI of latrine duty specialization. Who puts these third-rate people in charge of major programs?

His job was to befriend UFO experts, learn what they knew, and then feed them ridiculous info to lead them into wacko territory. He did it even to noted journalist Linda Moulton Howe, who has the scars and indignation to prove it.

Doty may be dotty. Whether he was ever what he claimed or was himself conned by the government to think he was working a special duty, is unknown even till today.

He muddied the waters of crop circles, abduction stories, and other alien activities. We have idiots like this to thank for fake news being believable and pervasive.


Here We UFO Again!

 DATELINE: Tofu Turkey Award Winner

tofu turkey

UFO Conspiracy: the Hunt for the Truth is another History Channel extravaganza. If you thought they were finished with beating dead horses, hi-yo, Silver, again.

Round up the usual suspects.

Yes, all the people interviewed look familiar. That’s because they do a round-robin of UFO appearances on any and every show available. These are the experts. If you appear on TV often enough, lacking any credential, you will be billed as an expert.

It’s been a long, long time since we gave out our Tofu Turkey Award: but here it is!

If the re-enactments seem familiar, you have already seen them on UFO Files, Hanger 51, Ancient Aliens, or the sundry off-shoots, and some other series too. Why not pass the footage off as documentarian? If you see it often enough, it may start to look like newsreel film.

They show us the fake alien autopsy stuff for good measure. We can hear Trump calling this “fake news” and saying he saw it on CNN.

Yes, they cover Roswell with nothing new to say. They say Secretary of Defense James Forrestal was murdered for wanting to broadcast the truth, and those pesky men in black are robotic intimidators. Oh, have you been there too?

We have been more impressed with low-budget specials about the topic.

We aren’t sure if the History Channel is making history out of whole cloth or reporting its seamless weave.

This special is about two-hours in length—which passes for highly detailed in the age of attention deficit.

After watching well-produced episodes of Ancient Aliens, we feel like we are being fed the leftovers. It’s all glossy and sugary sweet, but the calories are killing our cholesterol.

This documentary’s not comprehensive, but mentions some familiar names like Hynek, Kecksburg, and Blue Book, and notes that military tries to intimidate witnesses with those notorious men in black, going after civilians and soldiers.

The preponderance of examples seems to come out of the 1960s in the second half of the show. By then, only the most novice UFO follower will be still with them.

Acknowledging the Unacknowledged

DATELINE:    World’s Biggest Secret?


When you make an audacious claim that you are about to acknowledge the greatest secret in history, you better have a good one. Asking the audience to suspend belief on whether your movie is truthful may be too much to ask, or asking for trouble.

Unacknowledged: An Expose of the World’s Greatest Secret, a production from an arm of the lobby run by Dr. Steven Greer, takes a big bite out of the American pie.

We have not flinched in the task of looking at dubious documentaries that bring ridicule from a wide group of the population when it comes to an alien presence on Earth. The biggest budget, most powerful of all these documentaries, came out in 2017, flying in the face of the dangers of having government black ops who may wipe them out for the revelations. Yes, there’s an annual black hole of billions of dollars going into the budget of black ops, with no control from the U.S. Congress. It is scary.

So far, the government has benignly ignored the most shocking, by its own boast, of all UFO conspiracy movies.

We can recall Harry Lime in The Third Man claiming he would think nothing of removing a few “dots” of people from his mighty and lofty perch for a profit. It would seem Dr. Steven Greer has found that attitude prevalent among a shadow government that runs the black ops side of the United States.

This intelligent and well-produced documentary features some horrific images of the 20th and 21st century that are not usually shown on TV. If the plan is to shock us into fear, they are doing a good job. It seems, according to this theory, “they” will erase you if you try to stop them.

The enemy is not space aliens if this film theory is correct, but a consortium of the military-industrial complex that does not want to lose its grip on profit from world order. Werner Von Braun warned on his deathbed that they would use an alien attack, convincingly staged, to keep control of the world by enlisting the public’s support.

Greer enlists an array of impressive people, out of the closet, to state the ancient astronauts are out there, waiting to help us combat those who’d destroy the planet for profit. It’s like putting a cherry on a mud pie.

You may also wonder why Dr. Greer has not been assassinated for leading the call for citizen outreach to the five or six extraterrestrial civilizations that are visiting Earth regularly. He believes the governments have been co-opted, if not corrupted, and presidents are mere pawns of fake news.

Clearly this well-financed movie documentary indicates that the true believers are striking back at the empire of billionaires with their own money.

This may be the ultimate movie about truth, justice, and the American Way. Heaven help us, but if we are waiting for a visitor from a strange planet with super powers to rescue society, it’s already too late.

Space Aliens Need Not Apply

DATELINE:  Narration by O.H. Krill?

 alien crash retrievals

Alien Crash Retrievals is a low-budget documentary. We cannot blame the movie for suffering from poor investors, but this one seems an intriguing compendium of all the United States UFO crashes.

Done mostly with stock footage and repetitive special effects, often mismatching the historical events, the information or disinformation is compelling. When discussing pre-World War II military, we are often shown modern troops with their modern weapons.

However jarring it is to see out-of-place images, the summaries of various crashes are amplified. Those familiar with details might call it a rehash, but each incident is explained with some newer (2015) insights.

Of course, as these documentaries go, the longer they run, the more fantastic the claims become. Yet, this is one of the rare docs that contend UFOs are being shot down deliberately by the government to pirate the technology. The narration indicates this is not a wise policy.

Captured aliens live and are kept as prisoners for their information and knowledge. And, as usual, the whistleblowers are not high-ranking people, but non-coms without academic credentials. The US government seems to thrive on people they educate and they select.

People like Bob Lazar, out of the limelight from his Area 51 days, seems to be vindicated in recent years. Back engineered, captured spacecraft have given the U.S. great capabilities that are withheld from the general public.

We looked at collapse of civilization theories in the recent film Arrival, and such considerations are airtight policy according to this little film, running slightly over an hour.

Explanations try to make more logical sense in this movie exercise of yellow journalism. We are tempted to quote another film: “Be afraid, be very afraid.” Gulp hard and hope they are wrong.

American Swimmers Kidnapped by Space Aliens

DATELINE: Strip Searched by Aliens

 Biebs buns

Brazilian authorities now report that four American Olympic swimmers have missing time among their possessions taken by strange beings dressed as police officers in Rio.

Ryan Lochte managed to catch a flight aboard a spaceship and has already landed in the United States. His fellow swimmers have gone downstream, and up the river.

Police and courts have now robbed several American swimmers of their passports and they are unable to return to Roswell, the scene of the crime.

Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz were pulled off a flight out of Rio for discrepancies in the report filed with MUFON, an active part of the Rio police. Most Brazilians admit that Brazil is the place where the nuts are.

One of the relatives of the victims, Charley’s Aunt, was once caught in drag without a passport.

The swimmers were in bathing suits at a strange party outside the Olympic Village when they were embarrassed to be found in their birthday suits. They said everything was taken except for their cell phones. They had no pockets and held onto those.

Ryan Lochte instantly disappeared out of Rio as did his teammate Michael Phelps who did not attend the same party, but instead did not become roaring drunk and attend the alternative lifestyle extravaganza.

Rio is known for its nightlife and has outdone the phrase “what happens in Rio stays in Rio.”

Rio Rita and Chiquita Banana were not with the men when they returned from their ordeal at the crack of dawn. Back in the United States, out of harm’s way, Ryan Lochte said UFO reports are subject to “mischaracterization” when alcohol is involved.

Space aliens have been reportedly visiting Brazil looking for gold at the Olympics.



Nothing in Hand and Everything Meets the Eye

Klaatu & Gort


The Hidden Hand: Alien Contact & the Government Coverup is a long-winded title for a fairly direct Mach 10 flight of UFOs.

As one of the better entries in the “We are not alone” sweepstakes, this film has solid production values and enough creepy moments to make us all believers.

If you don’t have reason enough to distrust the American government, seventy-five minutes with this movie will do the trick.

In documentary form, the film interviews dozens of individuals—from authors and so-called experts to witnesses and those unfortunate souls who claim abduction by aliens.

The mass of hearsay is overwhelming, and the circumstantial evidence would make a jury swoon.

The notion that aliens do not need war to take over the planet is not new. Nor is the idea that they are pollinating abducted people and stealing their fetuses like perverse Rumplestiltskins.

All this may be in competition with the U.S. government that may be even more willing to steal alien babies before the cross-dimensional visitors have finished their work.

What we have here ultimately is a group of odd abducted people that make us wonder why aliens would be remotely interested in them. The theory is that aliens have visited the same genealogical family trees since the apes climbed down from them.

One lasting impression is that the various alien groups (yes, there are several visiting types) are not too intelligent for advanced civilization minions.

Yet, the entire situation about possible UFO incursions is troubling and disturbing. No amount of ridicule can cover up the weird coincidences and bizarre encounters. From that perspective, this film is comprehensive and grounded in space.


Crypto-History & UFOs Stop at Hangar 1

DATELINE: Taken By Our Leaders

 ImageKlaatu & Gort

From Area 51 to Hangar 17, there have been myriad UFO series on networks that once seemed to deal with history, like cable channels National Geographic, Discovery, and History 2.

From prehistory to unwritten history, we have evolved now into crypto-history where the history of conspiracies dominates. As one series host tells us, this is the stuff they never taught in school.

The latest is Hangar 1: The UFO Files, taken from a delapidated, old airport hangar turned library archive under the control of MUFON, the Mutual UFO Network. Yet, these are not your crackpot depictions, but come across as yellow journalism at its most fulvous yellow.

Hangar 1 provides a new batch of old reports. One of the first episodes featured the role of U.S. Presidents in the coverup and protection of the American people. President Dwight Einsenhower, it is contended, met with aliens at Edwards Air Force Base in 1954 and made a deal with them to allow the spaceshots freedom to research and abduct Americans in exchange for some technology.

Why did we never hear of this? When we asked friends, apparently everyone knew this, but us. We are always the last to know.

Subsequent shows examined underground and underlake alien creature bases, including Area 51 where Bob Lazar told us thirty years ago about things now that have come to pass. He is discredited and lost in history, but his predictions and insights about Element 115 have come true.

Shows explain the crashes at Kecksburg, PA, and Aurora, TX, but we were most surprised by the crash in Missouri in 1941. Yeah, even we knew the space aliens were working with Nazis in 1936. So much for advanced intelligence.

We have to say we love Hangar 1, but want to keep our distance lest the conspiracy theory engulf us to the point of visits and death threats from Men in Black.

Of course, the most disturbing feature of the series is the commercials that are dominated by ads for those suffering from erectile dysfunction. Now that is truly scary.



Houston’s Antonio Smith & Delusions of Grandeur


Houston’s Antonio Smith knows exactly why his team has lost ten in a row after the Patriots came from behind to win another game.

He believes there is spying going on. Though he compared Bill Belichick to Nostradamus, he clearly believes there is something “fishy” going on with those Patriots.

He could not believe that his team could lose another game this season because a better team knew how to make adjustments.

Raising the ugly spectre of “Spygate” may be a way to provide comfort to the starving fans of Texans. It certainly is easier than actually winning games.

Casting the stigmata of cheating on Belichick is like putting frosting on an embarrassing loss. When we watched the game, we did not see the Patriot coach step onto the field to block a runner of the Texans (like Mike Timlin).

Nor did we see him spill water onto the field to stop the game (like Jason Kidd).  You’d almost think he threw cold water in the face of Antonio Smith.

Though the classic movie Miracle on 34th Street is popular this time of year, Smith believes that “miraculous” victories don’t happen to teams with the angels on their side. The Texans—or any team he plays for—must be favored by God and Country.

Smith is not afraid of taking on the big issues. Last season he had a contretemps with Richie Incognito. Antonio Smith will fight Goliath if you bring him into Reliant Stadium.

Smith later saw a flock of Baltimore Ravens flying over his head and had his cell phone checked for NSA spy probes. He believes that there was someone on the grassy knoll in Dallas again the other day, and knows UFOs are monitoring his every move.

Unless the NFL steps in for an intervention, Antonio Smith knows he is likely to be kidnapped by Somali pirates, just like Captain Phillips.  Just ask Pi Antonio, the new Walter Mitty.