We Like Mike & His Money!

DATELINE: Cost of Doing Business

High Priced Ticket?

Democrats are accusing Mike Bloomberg of buying the election. They seem to have missed the incident where Trump is paying money to black ministers and churches, through their local fund-raisers. Now that’s buying votes with cash.

Bloomberg is accused of spending his unlimited wealth ($61 billion is unlimited, folks) to purchase airtime on TV and opening offices, paying people to work for him.

That’s buying workers through a payroll. What’s wrong with that? Some people need a job. Who does not want to be paid for his time? Those other Democrats prefer you volunteer and receive no money for time.

There is a tinge of jealousy in these Democrat candidates, and it is understandable. These poor candidates cannot spend what they don’t have: and if Bloomberg were not a candidate, maybe he’d give that money to them.

The fact is that Bloomberg is well-positioned to beat Trump. And, that should be the name of the Democrat game. It isn’t. Small and poor candidates like Bernie do not care about anyone other than themselves. Isn’t that the bottom line? And how does Bernie differ in that way from Trump?

More than money, we have a problem with all these candidates pushing 80 years of age wanting to serve as a four-year president. It is arrogant. It is overly optimistic. It is a shade in the old-timer’s disease category.

Don’t call us ageist. We are there too. And we know our time limits.



While England Collapsed

DATELINE:  Boris Bad Enough?

 Boris Brexist

If watching the British version of Trump has any productive value, the nitwit of England, Boris Yeltsin Johnson is going down the tubes. His government is crumbling on national TV. The usually civilized Brits have painted themselves blue and are on the tribal attack, not seen since the Romans found it necessary to build Hadrian’s Wall.

Brexit’s wall is something akin to Trump’s wall, via Hadrian the Emperor (he was the guy who made his boyfriend a god).

We are now learning our history and not from the History Channel where we thought everything was a conspiracy of ancient aliens and golden treasure hunters.

It now appears that the British constitution isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. For a thousand years, politicians in England have trusted the goodwill of politics, which now seems naïve at best. There is no written constitution in Britain, and that is certainly not what keeping  the Trumpian term  “great” in Great Britain.

Indeed, Trump has wondered if England will ever be great again, or if it will continue to sleep the fitful nightmare of a leader with a massive flow of hair that indicates hyperbole lives even in the land of Queens.

TV ratings on the popular TV show about a great British bake-off have gone south. The big climax is a contest on making cookies (which the Brits call biscuits) while the government crumbles.

You can expect America’s great stable genius and expert on everything with his theory of know-nothing to enter the fray and make matters worse. It will be the red-coat revenge for Yorktown’s surrender.


Sen. Cracker Graham Support for K-K-Kavanagh?

DATELINE: Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Blackmailed!

 Judge Roy Moore Any Judge will do it for Trump!

Some observers are wondering why President Bone Spurs Trump’s most ardent critic of the past two years suddenly had a change of heart.

Sen. Lindsay Graham suddenly became the attack dog for the Administration at the hearings for Judge K-K-Kavanagh. His spirited hissy fit at the hearing has all the makings of a man’s manufactured indignation.

If the lady doth protest too much, then what condition has prompted cracker Graham to represent his Carolina constituents with a banjo on his knee?

He even threatened to politicize his future dealings with the judiciary, overlooking the fact that the women justices he supported were not accused of harassing other women.

He seemed unfazed that the man who picks his clerks for their leggy credentials boasted that he will surround himself with a harem of law clerks as a Supreme Court justice. Old B-B-Brett seems unfazed at the pain he is inflicting on his family to satisfy his raw ambitions. On the day Bill Cosby goes to jail in handcuffs for using date rape drugs, Brett is on his way to the Supreme Court for a similar allegation.

Can it be that the latest Trump troll is acting out of the fear of something evil coming his way? For years the rumors have persisted that Graham is a member of Dorothy’s Friends, that amiable group of rainbow singing Munchkins.

Now we begin to wonder if blackmail is at the heart of Trump support. We have seen thugs purported to have made unkind suggestions to women like Stormy Daniels by Trumpist monkeys. Can it be that the voters in Carolina may be treated to a lowdown on the downlow of Lindsay Graham? Would Trumpites sink so low? You better believe it.

So, the man with no proclivities to support date rape of women may have proclivities that he would prefer you not cast a vote upon in future elections. It’s not likely that the LGBTQ community of South Carolina wants to think of what sits on Graham’s knee.

Or if he is on his knees to do something other than pray and to do the bidding of President Bonehead Bone Spurs?


Tom, Giselle, Boris & Natasha!

DATELINE: Met Gala Stun Guns Again

Tom, Giselle, Boris, Natasha

Yes, right after the Kentucky Derby “and they’re off—” comes the notorious Met Gala in New York where the show horses and would-be celebrities fall all over themselves on the red carpet.

Yes, on the heels of the bizarre nature of Westworld’s second season comes Evan Rachel Wood, Kim Karadasian, and Elon Musk, on the red carpet.

Our favorite had to be Tom Brady, erstwhile ageless quarterback and his wife (the billionaire), looking like refugees from 1960s Gilligan’s Island. Indeed, you had to wonder if Jonathan Nolan had produced the glitzy extravaganza as a means to publicize his TV HBO weirdo series.

You can’t tell the androids from the guests.

What Tom Brady has had to do to cause his wife to agree to let him play for two more seasons? You have only to look at his outfit as the twosome cavorted with other Barbie and Ken dolls.

Yes, Tom is wearing nail polish. You can’t see the multi-colored nail polish on his feet. And he looks like he is storing botox in his cheeks. Yet, the rash comments that he and wife look like James Bond villains is a tad off-the-mark.

Tom is not auditioning to play Dr. No, nor Goldfinger. He is acting like a friendly Russian that would charm President Donald Trump, whose hair would have fit right in on the red carpet.

Tom and Giselle came across as Boris and Natasha, those 1960s spies who gave Bullwinkle Gronk and Julian the Flying Squirrel fits.

Halloween comes early. However, we did see Patriots owner Robert Kraft and his young Baby Mama. To our shock, Kraft was NOT wearing his blue collar/white shirt. He did have de rigueur tennis shoes with his tux.

You have to love insanity with money.



Trump’s Modest Proposal

DATELINE:  Cooking Up a Storm

trump apron strings

For a summer treat hot off the griddle, you may want to partake of a menu that caught the eye of Newt and promises a cheery Sessions of law enforcement.

The repast of yore starts with a DACA salad, with only the most tender of sprouts, with lettuce picked by illegal migrants under the hot sun.

Don’t forget to use the TPS sauce on those Haitian wings for an unforgettable dinner that Friday used to enjoy with his master Crusoe. TPS sauce can be poured onto countries like El Salvador, Honduras, and any African nation of your choice.

Home, sweet Secure Homeland, will be securer once more if you have the bug zappers in place and dis-invite any rebel republican senators who tend to be like ants at a picnic. We think the best BBQs are held behind great border walls to keep out the riff-raff.

German sauerkraut mixed with KKK-kale provides a kick that only a neo-Nazi could endure. You may want to mix that salad up with some tough police elbow grease.

Make sure you have enough alt-right to offset the Antifa pesto.  Red beets should be ready once you light the torches.

Roasted deported citizens who have a litany of civil violations always goes well with a Chianti and fava beans for those who like to watch the lamb go to slaughter. Civil rights and civilian clothes are optional.

Remember that this recipe at Kent State College once made America great. Nowadays you may want to have some congressional bicarb to hold down the dyspepsia and general sense of existential nausea after watching Master Chef Trump dump another hog into the pit.

Bone-head appetit, all you strict constructionists. The cookbook was made to be followed.

With apologies to Jonathan Swift.

Kroc Pot Founder


DATELINE:  Your Inner Trump

Giving a tour de force performance, Michael Keaton almost wills the movie to be successful. Yet, there is the sound of Beetlejuice coming through when Ray Kroc makes his rapid-fire sales pitch. It is, at first, amusing—and then rather diabolical. It’s like watching Donald Trump’s “how to” video.

It was not the year for a movie about a Trump-style businessman in Hollywood. Just ask Meryl Streep. The Founder tells how McDonalds food chain grew to a billion-burgers-sold by hook and crook.

Other than that, the story reveals how Ray Kroc took the McDonald Brothers idea for fast food and ran with it.

Ray Kroc was not beyond taking credit for the ideas of the original McDonalds creators, but he also had to fight their small-minded integrity to quality. Kroc had traveled around the country selling milk shake mixers and recognized whatever quality McDonalds had was already ten times better than the competition in 1954.

He skimmed a little to expand the business. Shake well and stir.

When you hear Kroc’s explanation of how the Golden Arches fit in with the American flag and church crosses, you almost feel his fervor to eat a hamburger as an act of America becoming great.

What starts out as a visionary film depicting the wonderful ingenuity of the original McDonald brothers deteriorates rapidly into a tale of corporate greed, the side-effect of Ray Kroc’s vision. Beetlejuice in your head can do that.

The film has been ignored for probably glorifying crass commercialism in a Hollywood that thinks it is better than thou. This movie celebrates the Middle America out of fashion among those who hate fast food, environmental carelessness, and persistent ambition.

Dare we call them blue-nose Democrats?

You may not have to be a rugged individualist Republican to become a fan of this movie, but chances are you will be more inclined to see the virtues here among the dubious and ruthless business practices and Seven Deadly Sins.

As a movie depiction of an era and how to rake in a billion per year, this one will fascinate you– if you are willing to drive-thru.

Rajon Rondo & Malcolm Butler Kick Celtics in End

DATELINE:  Celtics Not the Patriots


You know Malcolm Butler wants to be traded.

On the same day he signed his $3.9 million tender contract with the Patriots, he went to the Boston Celtics playoff game in town and sat behind the Celtics bench.

Followers of NBA basketball know that this has been an emotionally distressing week for the team.  Star scoring machine and tiny tot superman Isaiah Thomas has been playing despite the death of his sister in Washington state after a car accident.

The courage and determination of Thomas may serve as inspiration for most to do their job: the Belichick mantra.

Butler who has tried to orchestrate a trade out of town—and may be setting himself up for a permanent trip to nowhere else sat behind the grieving Celtics.

Butler found himself making disparaging comments to the Celtics players. What??

The Patriots have maintained a “we’re all in Boston together” attitude for years. You always expect Patriot stars to be cheerleaders for their other sports counterparts.

Butler really does want to leave town when he knocks the Celtics and sits next to them during a hideous playoff game. The only other player to do that during the game was Rajon Rondo, one-time Celtics legend, now shilling brilliantly for the Chicago Bulls as their star point guard.

Rondo looked glorious in his black Bulls outfit and creamed the Celtics with his masterful passing and near triple double.

Perhaps Butler thinks Rondo is still wearing green.

Perhaps Butler is preparing to refuse to go to the White House to meet with President Trump, set to honor the Patriots.

In the meantime, the hapless Celtics were kicked when down by a soon-to-be ex-Patriot. It’s okay, fans. An ex-Celtic is kicking the hapless Celtics into the ground too. Rondo spent the weekend walking around Boston, signing autographs and wearing prison-stripe black & white pajama bottoms to the game.

We still love Rondo even if he never goes to Patriot games anymore. We aren’t sure about Malcolm Butler.

Tom Brady & Deer Hunter

DATELINE: Super Bowl LI Trophy Kills One

Brady & Deer Hunter  Brady & Killer Trophy

Not one day after Tom Brady received a $14 million signing bonus, delayed money from the past season, he found himself almost the 20th ranking, lowly paid quarterback in the NFL.

Brady made no allusion to his windfall on his Instagram account, but rather took a shot at the liberal, anti-Trump Boston Globe with a picture of their too early headline flub at the Super Bowl. Brady cited “hashtag fake news” as part of his April Fool joke.

Yes, self-righteous and incorrect Globe had put out an edition, reading, “A bitter end.”  Of course, the Pats won that game with its historic comeback.

Brady obviously has a copy of the errant Globe—and like Harry Truman holding up a newspaper showing his defeat to Tom Dewey, Brady is lambasting the Globe on the Fool’s Day for little faith in the Patriots.

Yet, the high price of the NFL for the Patriots reached its zenith on April Fool’s Day when a major, late-season snow storm hit New England. It was a day when we covered it all: snow, deer hunting, Trump, fake news, Aaron Hernandez, and the Lombardi trophy.

The coveted and prized Lombardi trophy that Brady held high at the Super Bowl Victory Parade in Boston a scant few weeks ago, in a raging snowstorm, met an untimely accident in Maine.

Yes, a Patriot security guard, and a Maine State trooper, were involved in taking the trophy to its public appearance on Saturday. Alas, another state mascot came to a bitter end when the car carrying the trophy struck the deer. Oh, dear, the deer is no more.

The Patriot trophy is now emulating killer Aaron Hernandez.

All involved were more worried that the car accident in Maine might delay the trophy from its next big pit stop at Fenway Park on Monday. It is scheduled to make an appearance at Opening Day.

No word if any Patriots ever show up with the trophy or whether it reserves its own life, even at the cost of wildlife.







Oscar Goes To Twilight Zone


doomsday twilight zone

It was an Oscar fiasco waiting for Trump jokes. But it was sidetracked by a trip to the Twilight Zone.

We correctly predicted the Oscars.

The movie we have not yet seen is Best Picture. Actually, both films announced as Best Picture are movies we have on our bucket list.

And the real winner is Moonlighting. We thought that was the TV show with Bruce Willis, but how wrong we were. This is a film about growing up in the ghetto (you were expecting Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?), and it is on our Netflix list for this week with a bunch of other nominees.

Rest assured, we have not yet seen Lala Land either. It was almost the Best Picture of The year. However, it had a couple of disadvantages going for it. First and foremost, it was about white people who sang and danced. We never heard of anything more racist. It was also about heterosexual love. Something we thought was totally out of fashion.

In case you didn’t hear, a geriatric tipsy actress announced the wrong picture as the best film. If you’re reading off a cue card, we can understand a mistake. However, when you open an envelope and misread, you have given functional illiteracy a boost.

Yes, the Oscars called on the geriatric versions of Bonnie and Clyde to steal the Oscar for Best Picture. And, they did a bang-up job of presenting the award to the wrong picture. This certainly gives Mr. Trump cause to ridicule the proceedings.

Apparently the notion of “re-take” in Hollywood is alive and clapping the clap-board.

As someone who used to live in Marblehead, Massachusetts, we were surprised to hear that Manchester-by-the-Sea is a downtrodden fishing community. It was always considered upscale out there. It was kind of a rich man’s Gloucester.

If you remember ancient movie history, Gloucester was where Spencer Tracy lived in Captains Courageous. Now Manchester by the Sea is where fellow Cantabrigian Casey Affleck lives in the new movies.

We now must return to our smartphone and Roku stick to watch the winner and almost winner of 2017 (and we are not referring to Trump and Clinton). Movie reviews will eventually follow.




Early Fan Voting for the Patriots Throws Score into Funk

 DATELINE: Vote Early and Often!


Sports pundits are almost as arrogant as CNN commentators. On the Monday before the surprise election of Donald Trump, they had him sinking faster than a pass interference call in the NFL.

Now we have canvassed the sports pundits and found, to a man, they are picking the Patriots to trash the Seattle Seahawks.

No one has found a secret email from Pete Carroll that disdains the notion of ball security. Indeed, Carroll insists that he has not yet hit the glass ceiling. Most of the Seahawk playbook emails have been purged.

As for the misogynistic Patriots, Tom Brady insists that his support for Trump was overblown, like a four game suspension for lack of hot air. Now Tommy B tells us that he will only do what his semi-billionaire wife tells him. Mum’s the word.

What can you say about guys who marry supermodels like Giselle and Melania?

As to the all-important score, something akin to a spread for gamblers, the Electoral map shows more Patriot red than Seattle blue. However, fans refuse to count on the big men to poop out, unless he happens to be Russell Wilson or Richard Sherman.

We think the Patriots likely to take the three big areas of the game by the slimmest of margins. You can never tell. Pete Carroll may win the popular fan vote, but Belichick will walk away with the electoral college points-after.

If Seattle wins this game, you can count on the social media going into upheaval and riots in the streets of Cambridge as fans demand a recount.

Tom Brady’s promise to make the Patriots great again is now resonating with white males and the under-educated. Belichick insists they are building a defensive wall to keep out those who do not stand for the National Anthem.

Thank heavens that football is apolitical.

Oldsters Clinton & Trump Need Not Apply

 DATELINE:  Looking for the Youth Candidate

what a ticket


Having reached an age when we should know better, we are about to jump in with both feet to make an outrageous and outlandish statement.

Whatever the drawbacks of the two major presidential candidates, Trump and Clinton are simply too old to do the job.

We speak from experience, having passed it long ago. Oh there are those who argue that oldsters can do anything. Well, in fact, that’s simply not true.

Old people tire out a lot more quickly than in their younger days. We’ve noticed that both Trump and Clinton seem to take a lot of days off and who could blame them for it.  Campaigning and meeting thousands of people every day is exhausting work.

However, the job of being president is even more exhausting.

So, we don’t want to sound like we are prejudiced against age or older people because we belong to the club ourselves.

We think Youth is a valuable commodity overall, and relatively important in our president. As for Clinton or Trump, if you’re in bed knocked out from the hard days work, heaven help the country.

So we expect to be lambasted by AARP and a bunch of other groups for not respecting old-age.

We love old-age; we think retirement is wonderful. In fact, we think both Clinton and trump should be retired.

So, spare us your indignation. It is wasted because our brain cells are not as sharp as they used to be and we might get crotchety, grumpy and unpleasant if some young whippersnapper tries to talk us out of our old opinions.

Clinton/Curry Versus Trump/LeBron

DATELINE:  Winners Take the Cake

enough already

                                                   NOT BIRD & MAGIC

You may have noticed that the negative feelings toward the presidential candidates, Hilary and Donald, rival the negative feelings toward the presumptive NBA champs, Steph and LeBron.

It’s a negative year for sure.

Curry may be a media darling, but he has worn out his welcome. And LeBron has always been insufferable. It should remind you about the way the media handles Clinton and Trump.

In the NBA Finals, the referees are the objective arbiters of winning and losing. Heaven help us! We already saw these zebras lay the groundwork for a Curry victory in the semi-finals, though the NBA claims their games are not fixed.

We can’t imagine the presidential election being fixed, though we think the media has played the role of NBA referees with all the aplomb of fixers.

Who voted for the referees?

We have only ourselves to blame if the more unpopular candidate becomes president. The process has been fixed by super-delegates.

We are sick of Curry and James enough to expect them to become running mates for Clinton and Trump. That would make for a ticket with a price higher than a court-side seat for Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

The winner of the Curry-LeBron battle will come soon. And they both will go into oblivion for the rest of the summer, not soon enough. They are not Bird & Magic, and won’t be having any Broadway plays written about their friendship/rivalry.

In the presidential race, the losing candidate will go into oblivion forever—but we will be stuck with the winner for four more years.


Battle of the Hateful Hatful of Hatfields

DATELINE: Meeting the Enemy Within



Not since the McCoys battled the Hatfields have we seen such a feud of related people. Somewhere in the past, the ghosts of the United States Civil War are moaning and groaning.

Yes, it’s not over till it’s over.

We have two sides of hate spewing forth with indelible nation-wrecking at its core. We can head for the hills because we think the cities are now shooting galleries with opioid apologists letting the drug-dealers and illegal immigrants free reign.

The liberals and the conservatives have nothing on the Yankees and the Rebs—except a half-million dead Americans.

The 19th century war between the States was about as insane as it can become, but those who’d rent the Republic to shreds will start will renting the Republican Party into splinters.

Americans have never been more intolerant of each other since the days of hanging the local black population took on a hobby-like social club. That’s back when social media twittered around in white robes with burning crosses. Now you burn hate with incendiary tweets.

From fascist evangelicals to left-leaning socialists, the Great Divide of the country has grown more pronounced between Trump and Hilary. You have only to recall the Lincoln-Douglas debates as a warmup to the great war between the states.

If you want liberty or death, you now have hate-mongers on both sides who will gladly provide it. You can expect equal dollops of despicable intolerance from all sides nowadays. We are the Pod People.

Fake Republicans Hide Their Light Under a Bushel

DATELINE: Pod People, not Republicans

To hell with voters. There are a group of self-aggrandizing politicians who think being a Republican is an inherited honor.

Finally, the world sees these alleged “Republicans” who for years wanted everyone’s support, but now have taken it upon themselves to distance themselves from Donald Trump. They asked all who disagreed with them in the party to rally around them. Now they rally around an elite ivory tower.

It takes a bushel of Bushes to find the long-time hypocrites of the GOP.

These are not real Republicans. We are now seeing the true character of Jeb Bush, Lindsay Graham, Mitt Romney, George Bushes, and the rest. That includes House Speaker Paul Ryan, another fake leader, having usurped the category called ‘Republican’. Of course, he suddenly reversed himself under withering criticism.

They used the Republican Party when it suited them. Now, they talk of supporting a third party over their long-standing GOP. They were users. They, not Mr. Trump, are the fake conservatives and ersatz Republicans.

How dare they call themselves Republicans? They prefer the election of Hilary Clinton to Donald Trump. Can we wrap our party affiliation around that?

Back in 1964, a bunch of moderate to liberal Republicans (back when that concept existed) abandoned conservative Barry Goldwater as unfit to be president.

Among those were Nelson Rockefeller and George Romney. It appears the acorn nut has not fallen far from the tree.

Now we have a bunch of self-serving phony-baloney types calling Trump unfit.

Shall we remove the designation “R” from the voter rolls of these iconic fakes? As Trump has said of them, at least a few are beyond rehabilitation.

Let them eat cake at the table of Hilary.

Let them drink from the chalice of Judas.

Let them vote only for themselves in their narcissistic, narrow, and numbskull world.