Celtics Sell Out & Sell-Out Celtics

DATELINE: Small Fry

Itt  Cousin Itt

Let’s face it: Little Isaiah Thomas is the biggest star to play for the shortest time in the harsh Boston sports club. Cousin ITT returned with the Cleveland Cavaliers for his post-vindictive revenge tour at the Boston Garden.

It was not LeBron James who impressed the delirious Boston fans, but a variety of former Celtics players who represented failure over the past decade to bring a banner to Boston. They were jettisoned by Celtics operations man, Danny Ainge, when they failed to raise banner-time.

So after vitriol and ugly words, Isaiah returned to Boston. Not only was there a Isaiah Thomas wearing his  Harvard red uniform, now a Cavalier Cleveland lackey, we saw Jay Crowder whose defense  once won plaudits from the fans  for his defensive prowess.

We also saw Jeff Green, who’s coming back from severe injury, as life-threatening as anything Isiah faced with broken jaw, missing teeth, and ripped hip from socket.

Now, on the notable parquet floor, all the harsh words had melted away. Time heals all wounds as well as wounds all heels. There was even a private reconciliation for Danny Ainge.

Little cousin ITT recognized how much he appreciated the Boston fans and the opportunities he had in Boston’s sports bastion to become a star, with a chance to play with LeBron for a championship.

Former Celtic assistant coach Ty Lue now runs the Cavaliers.  And present for the game were the new Patriot diminutive star Dion Lewis, the former Patriot diminutive star Troy Brown, and the diminutive new manager of the Red Sox, Alex Cora.

Tiny Alice was missing in the big celebration of the return of tiny Isaiah Thomas and the miniature Boston corps of would-be stars.

Well, if these shenanigans strike you as a kind of hypocrisy, or worse, a public relations manipulation, you are welcome to join Boston sports in the 21st-century.

The stars of the game were of a new world order: Jayson Tatum, Jaylen Brown, and Cousin ITT’s protégé, Terry Rozier.

 

For Better or Worse, Life with the Celtics and Red Sox

Brady. Brown & Baseball

DATELINE: WHIMSY

On a cold day in early April, the Red Sox picked up their championship rings in a ceremony fraught with real life tragedies like fires that have killed heroic fire fighters and terror that killed Boston Marathon participants.

Across town, later, the Celtics could not pick up the pieces of a season in shambles.

Those who begged for a Celtics tanking need not have wished so hard. The damage from a lost season may sear the souls of future Celtics Jared Sullinger and Kelly Olynyk.

The last time the Celtics won a championship, the Red Sox did too. The parallels have gone in opposite directions this past year.

Now Tom Brady and Troy Brown sit at Fenway Park to watch the season opener. A few years ago, they sat at the TD Boston Garden to watch the Celtics. The times have a-changed in some parts of town.

Brady had to be thinking that, like the Celtics, his team has not won a world championship since the glorious year that Boston had winners everywhere.

After watching the ease of winning for so many years, it is perplexing to watch the pain of losing. Did those teams back in 2007 make it look like a cakewalk? Was it harder than we realized?

The Celtics, Patriots, and Rd Sox seem to play the same game in the same way—but results are not so lucky for two out of three.

Boston fans are wed to their teams for better or worse—and now the fan vows are straining. The times are poorer, not richer, and the health of the Celtics is definitely in the sicker range.

Since 2007 the Patriots have ended up playing bridesmaids. And now the Celtics are standing in the last pew of the church, sobbing softly into their hankies.

The ring-bearers were all smiles in the Cathedral at Fenway.

 

 

Amendola Treated by Witch Doctors & Voodoo Experts

DATELINE: HUMOR!

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Robert Kraft has spared no expense in finding a way to put Danny Amendola back on the field as soon as possible.

The Patriots have decided to use alternative methods of medicine, usually seen in the New England area around the Red Sox whose assortment of Achilles tendons, Tommy John funny bones, and sleep apnea, has healed well to make a last-place team of 2012 a contender in 2013.

With the Patriots receiving corps depleted and with only untried rookies dropping balls and dropping like flies, the Patriots went to the best medical minds they could find. They needed a quick cure and went through the Red Sox medical staff always ready for the weirdest injuries.

On call, as usual, are acupuncturists who stuck needles in Amendola’s groin to cure him. This seemed to aggravate his muscle-bound abductors who increased the demands on their kidnap note.

Amendola seemed to be more in favor of massage therapy, as recommended by Troy Brown on a local sports show.

Next came the Red Sox clairvoyants who noted that the injury was induced by someone like Rex Ryan sticking pins in a doll right before the game.

The best chanters of the Caribbean were called upon to sing a cure and hum a few bars over the offended groin area—and Amendola responded to treatment with alacrity.

As a result, the Patriots now believe Danny does not need to go under the notorious Gronk knife, a silver plated scalpel that has sliced up Rob Gronkowski’s back and arm several times.

Amendola was less than enamored of the idea of a scalpel cutting along the dotted line near the family jewels. Instead, a flight from Lourdes arrived in time for Amendola’s shower.

The miraculous cure included a cold sponge bath with holy water. It did the trick. He will return in several weeks.

For more insights into the New England football team, you will want to read NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS UNDRESSED, now in softcover and ebook formats on Amazon.com.