Kardashians in Green

over the hump?

DATELINE: Butt, butt, butt…

Tristan Thompson is in our hearts and minds lately. So, we may ask you if you are over the Hump.

The Boston Celtics now have signed their second Kardashian husband. Those fans of the Hump may well recall the time Kris Humphries played in Boston.

It’s not enough they have reached a new bottom line.’

When the Hump stepped on the court in his first few games, he was largely booed by the Celtic crowd, which puzzled coaches in Green. Then, someone told them to watch TV and read the tabs.

Oh, it dawned on them that they had just stepped into reality that is surreality. Tristan wants to know if there are good eateries near the Boston Garden. He is planning to feast on chicken.

Now, we have again a crack in the Celtics Under-armor.

Society has hit rock bottom when pro athletes now are being tossed out of games—and arrested—for going for the formerly acceptable cheeky assault.

Thompson, you may have forgotten, was hit with a butt-slapping penalty during a low-blow  in his career.

We cannot recall when butt-touching originally went public in our sports arenas. It must be a carry-over from hauling ass around the gym. Once upon a time, it was considered a means of expressing male “affection.”

We are unsure if we have ever seen this activity in a gay bar, but we believe that it will now be forbidden even in the inner sanctums. Queer as Folk avoided such behaviors.

A pinch on the cheek used to be quite continental, but continence has reached a new plateau when it comes to below the belt buckles with knuckles.

Another Kardashian news tidbit: he will be coming to Bean-town with his wife.  We predict they will love Boston as much as Giselle and Tom Brady who couldn’t escape fast enough before another winter hit.

A few years ago, Tristan Thompson was in town with the Cavs and shocked Celtic Jae Crowder with a tap to the butt. It nearly disencombobulated the Celtic. Love taps to the buttocks are reserved to close locker room pals.

Whether Thompson will be arrested for assaulting good taste again with a tap to the keester will be under the microscope when he reaches Boston.

In the meantime, ain’t we got fun?

 

 

Butt-Slapping Reaches New Bottom

DATELINE: Hard Knocks?

 Culprit caught red-handed.

You know society has hit rock bottom when pro athletes now are being tossed out of games—and arrested—for going for the formerly acceptable cheeky assault.

We cannot recall when butt-touching went public in our sports arenas. It must be a carry-over from hauling ass around the gym. Once upon a time, it was considered a means of expressing male “affection.”

We are unsure if we have ever seen this activity in a gay bar, but we believe that it will now be forbidden even in the inner sanctums. Queer as Folk avoided such behaviors. But, Downton Abbey’syoung butler may be guilty.

A pinch on the cheek used to be quite continental, but continence has reached a new plateau when it comes to below the belt buckles with knuckles.

OBJ recently slapped the butt of a mall cop, or pardon us, arena security after a college game. It was the locker room and one can almost explain how these things become viral.

The alleged hard-ass cop took umbrage and wanted to sock OBJ, but held his piece instead. New Orleans used to be a place when Fat Tuesday meant any buttock passing was slugged. No more!

Now, former Celtic Jae Crowder was innocently standing at the free throw line, ready to cut loose when Tristan Thompson, apparently without Iseulte by his side, added insult to injury by shocking Crowder with a tap on the buttocks.

You’d think he’d been given an injection of penetrating flu vaccine. Crowdah jumped like he fell into a bowl of hot chowdah.

Tristan Thompson claimed it was a means of bonding between former teammates. Heavens, high fives and man hugs, all now chaste and robotic, are the new currency. No one is paying for their erogenous zone to be invaded, and short of a porno film, we don’t expect to see this impact on our cable television when we are not on the LOGO network.

We remember when a crime was committed if your fist hit the tip of another’s nose. Now, the blow is lower than the standard for congressional oversight.

We believe the five-second rule should be enforced. If your food falls on the floor, you can still eat it within five seconds of being retrieved from any dirty crevice.

We hold that a slap on the butt that does not linger or return for second helpings should be excused with heart-feltmea culpa.

Slapping a bun of steel of your pro athlete of choice may be injurious to your digits. And spare us a fist pump.