Tom Brady Not Ready for Prime Time

DATELINE: The Arrogance Game

Rodin's thinkerThe Thinker, Fan-Version

If you are among the throngs (yeah, millions for defense, but not one fan for tribute) who await the final episode of the Tom Brady self-congratulatory TV series called Tom Versus Time, you have to wait longer.

It appears Tom and his producer Gotham Chopra have to scrap the final episode and come up with a new one. They finished the series with Tom winning the Super Bowl. Reality bites. His team lost, though he came close to pulling it out, but horseshoes is not football.

You may see a pattern of arrogance in the series that denotes Tom Brady as a wise, old philosopher, on the lines of another problematic Bostonian, Henry David Thoreau.

Gotham Chopra self-admitted their problem with a statement that puts a smiley face emoji on the situation. “Everyone keeps asking me about Chapter 6 of ‘Tom vs Time’ and when it’s going to be ready. The truth is we had a plan, but unconsciously, it was tied to the Pats winning the Super Bowl and, when that didn’t happen (congrats, Eagles!), I felt like we needed to pause and recalibrate.”

Yeah, losing’s a bitch. Having to re-interview Tom Brady for an hour to find bon mots is not pleasant. They had to re-calibrate Tom’s happy-go-lucky philosophy with a reality check. That’s the unfortunate side of “reality TV.”

Chopra ends his emoji apologia with: “So, Chapter 6 — ‘Coming Soon!'”  It sounds like the next chapter of Batman.

We actually would like to see the pre-Super Bowl, arrogant, mad-as-a-hatter Tom Brady. but that episode will be lost forever to history.  Please Note: we said  hatter, to all you haters who have trouble reading.

Advertisements

Timely Episode 5 for Tom Brady

DATELINE:  An Affair to Remember

brady back

On the day of the ignominious Super Bowl that will live in infamy as the Last Hurrah of so many coaches, Tom Brady chose to release #5 of his Tom Versus Time vanity project.

What Brady never fully understood about his six-part documentary series is that all is vanity when his speaks about his personal philosophy like he was Henry David Thoreau facing a lockup for failure to pay taxes in Brookline.

Right from the get-go, he tells the audience he is tyring to find the deeper purpose of life and and live it in the episode called “The Spiritual Game,” which likely amused Zen-Buddhists everywhere.

Alas, Tom Brady comes across as self-centered in his egocentric universe. He is looking for miracles and magic and finds them only in pro sports. He has had a 27-year affair with football, and his wife approves.

The insights begin 8 weeks before the season in Costa Rica where Brady goes to surf, learning “not to fight Mother Nature.” His Argeninian wife loves it there, and it is tropical and quite in contrast to the coldest game he has ever played in during December.

Narrative jumps over 15 weeks in a flash, and Tom admits life goes by fast: but really, this fast?

Tom knows he is a public figure and withholds paying attention to those distractions. He cannot waste his precious energy on media trivia, except to make a documentary.

“I’m gonna determine what’s important for me,” he tells his fans. Clearly, everything else comes in second to self-importance.

Tom and Patriots lost Super Bowl LII—and the final episode has been withheld to deal with that ugly fact.

Tom Brady’s Bunch Home Movies

DATELINE:  Time for Episode 4

sumo day  In China

If your neighbor, the best CPA in the world, insisted on showing you his home movies of how his job interferes with raising his children, you’d run for the exits—or a caffeinated drink.

Instead, this is Tom Brady’s home movies: and millions are clamoring to watch.

“The Emotional Game” is the moniker slapped on the fourth show of the personal philosophy series of Tom Brady, called Tom Versus Time.

Beginning with a trip to China (not mentioned is that it is a promotional trip for one of his products), Brady provides some intriguing looks as he and his son Jack climb up to the Great Wall on a lift, and take the toboggan down.

His son shows what you expect, some physical talents, catching a football on the Great Wall. Tom continues to be politically correct, noting the great culture and place he has been given a chance to visit. He also takes in the Sumo wrestlers with his son.

Back home, we see his visit with his parents and mother who had been sick for over a sick and unable to attend games, until the Super Bowl. Because of her attendance, Robert Kraft appears on a smartphone of Tom’s to have him present her with a ring given to coaches and players.

Tom’s father has a shrine to his son’s career—and Brady gives them credit for uncompromising support all his life. He enjoys having his children, wife, and siblings with parents all in the luxury box at Gillette to watch him play.

Once again, the narrative jumps from Super Bowls to final games against the Dolphins.

Perhaps most intriguing is to see Brady explain that he must learn new techniques to his son as his watches videotape. Even the boy knows this is the secret to success.

Middle-class values are at the heart of his parenting. His wife, supermodel Giselle, notes that for six or seven months, he is a rare commodity in family life: as Brady notes, he is running a marathon during the season and cannot really stop to smell the roses, but his children do seem to keep him balanced.

As personal documentaries go on living subjects, this series is a milk shake frappe served up in a luxury home theater.

 

 

Tom Versus the World, episode 4

DATELINE:  Tom’s Camaraderie

 TB & daughter Brady’s little girl

Tom Brady uses “The Social Game,” episode four of his series Tom Versus Time to show his social feelings for teammates like Julie Edelman and Danny Amendola.

They belong to the elite caste: those who are officially part of the Brady posse.

Brady jokes that Edeman pumps up to qualify for naked magazine covers.

Edelman breaks the rules as usual and looks into the camera to tell us he is in an eight year argument with Brady about lifting weights. Alex Guerrero, head guru of the posse, believes that longevity is the key for Tom, and Julian wants only a few more years. Ironically, Edelman hurt himself in preseason and has not played all year.

However, Tom takes two players (Danny Amendola and Julian) with him to the Big Sky resort in Montana, where he goes usually. Brady insists he goes to the resort for some fun, but the main focus is training, obsessive constant training.

All this is interspersed with dangerous riding on ATV and motorcycles. It is also a time filled with f-this and f-that for all your moral prudes.

Brady notes that after five or six weeks of the season people are feeling it, and there are weird reactions: like those who say they have Brady fatigue, or that the Pats are doomed to fall.

In the meantime, Guerrero gives Brady a painful muscle massage on his legs. Theirs is a peculiar relationship. As is his insistence that his son Jack kiss him on the lips. It must be hangover from all those Robert Kraft kisses.

Brady admits he loves the social relationships with his players. His inner circle is clearly an all-male world of camaraderie. He said he loves his teammates, and a coach once told him he wanted to look into his eyes and see the same goals. He is against fear and insults, and that may explain his fury at the insults against his daughter by Boston radio personality.

Brady has also met with the WEEI people and may return to their airwaves.  He shows his great adoration for his daughter in this episode, which may explain the anger he expressed when she was vilified.

Yet, in all this bonding in all aspects of his life from teammates to children, Tom Brady never loses his focus. He does not have Brady fatigue.

Brady’s Tell-All, Episode Two

DATELINE:  A Shakespearean Life of Tom

 tom & julie practice

Tom Brady’s autobiographical miniseries, Tom Versus Time, continues to hit the hot airwaves in the days before the Super Bowl.

The problem with tell-all documentaries that don’t tell much is that friends are not viewers. Viewers are enemies, and they are looking for chinks in the armor, blatant deceptions, errors of judgment, and sundry revelations of the unexpected.

In that way, Brady continues to deliver the goods in the second episode of his self-indulgent rumination.

This show is about his mental game. He is on the down-slide of chess, not checkers. He must process and adapt it to a declining physical body. Tom House, the ex-Red Sox pitcher, advises him on the beach with Alex Guerrero and Julie Edelman doing the hard work (the only one shirtless and shoeless), catching balls.

Tom watches all day tape and film two or three days per week.  His book sits neatly on his desk, in one product placement silliness. He can watch game tape five hours at a time. It’s an addiction. He’s an addict. He sees his losses as a Gong Show with layers of scar tissue. Like an elephant, he lumbers to the finish line.

Brady tells how he often wants to kill Josh McDaniels, and vice versa. That’s love.

Few names or faces are identified because the only one that matters is Tom who struts and frets about being a poor player upon the stage, waiting for tomorrow’s game after a loss.

Tom House ruminates about aging and dusty death, and Tom regards past Super Bowl failures as a walking shadow. In between his tale of sound and fury, he films a commercial for a luxury car with his son at his side at his palatial feudal estate.

This stuff cannot be made up.

Time Versus Tom and Vice Versa

DATELINE:  Brady’s Life

movietone news   march of time news

The first 24-minute episode of the six-part series on and about Tom Brady revealed nothing and everything. It was the best of documentaries and the worst of documentaries. It’s called Tom Versus Time, and it is like watching the old chestnut March of Time in video newsreel format.

Tom Brady morphs into Charles Foster Kane.

No, Gotham Chopra is not Charles Dickens, and Tom is no David Copperfield. There is more of Dorian Gray here than gravy. The infomercial known as Brady’s life is like a bit of undigested beef. It just sits there.

If you want shock, Tom does not refer to Swami Belichick as “Coach,” his usual reverential term for 17 years. He calls him, heaven forfend, “Belichick,” and shares his notes from one of the Head Coach’s lectures. It is filled with laughable platitudes, and Tom keeps a wink in his hip pocket.

Brady also shows his four-game suspension letter, which he enjoys for its motivational impact. Tom follows in the carbon footprints of motivational charlatan Tony Robbins. They even did a vaudeville act together in Boston this year.

Tom allows quite an intimate picture of his children, which most celebrities avoid. It seems to follow his dictum that nothing matters but winning.

If episode one conveys any sense out of nonsense, it is that there is no straightforward narrative line here. We see clips from all over the year, piled on the previous with a little philosophical mortar to hold them together.

Gotham’s city of Brady may be a bit heavy on bats in the belfry. Director Gotham Chopra knows what idolization means. Off the field Tom Brady is clearly a koo-koo bird.

This is homage and paean to Tom, as directed by an adoring Boswell. You won’t find T.E. Lawrence’s Seven Pillars of Fire here, only six. It is, after all, an infomercial.

Of all Tom’s thousands of player-friends over two decades, only two knights show up at the Round Table: Julie Edelman and Danny Amendola. There is no Tom in team Gillette, but we do see Alex Guerrero, the Merlin of football wizards, giving Brady a solid massage in this medium well-done documentary.

The star quarterback is entitled to his fair share of egomania, considering his impressive  accomplishments. Walking on water will do that for Lawrence of Arabia and Tom Brady. The adoring masses tend to confirm his warrior status, though he has no plan here to sell himself short.

More to come, like a Batman cliffhanger.