Swan Dive on Trump

DATELINE: Wile E. Coyote with Orange Hair?

Pelosi Bronx cheer.jpeg Pelosi’s Bronx Cheer?

When Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi applauded President Trump on finishing his epic State of the Union with 82 minutes of cram-packed disinformation, she added something to the lexicon of American culture.

We used to have the Bronx Cheer, a rather crude and effective means of making its recipient know how low he has fallen.

You cannot smell a Bronx Cheer, only hear it. You cannot smell a Pelosi clapback, but its visual image will resonate on Twitter and social media forever.

Now, when you want to skewer a blowhard, you point the middle fingers in your pointed hands and make little slaps like a jaw opening and closing on a fool on the hill’s neck.

Among hundreds of political observers—and Trump himself—and countless viewers and re-watching viewers, Mrs. Pelosi stuck it to Trump who had to stand there and take it. His mendacious speechifying was over. Now he had to look like the man with egg on his face or yellow feathers in his mouth. However, the canary just ate him.

Speaker Pelosi looked like Tweety Pie, sitting in the gilded cage, and about to tell us that, indeed, she saw “a Putty Tat.” Yes, indeed, like Sylvester, Mr. Trump just was given his quota of suffering succotash.

If she had been the Road Runner, she would have stuck out her tongue and beeped at him before dashing off and leaving the man and his moment conjoined forever as the biggest damned fool in history.

A picture is worth a thousand words, and the priceless expression of the Speaker is visible, and only the back of a head of fake hair comes from the Trump vantage.

If you believe in emblematic moments, you know that Marshall McLuhan is laughing somewhere in the universe.

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Jacoby Ellsbury Sees a Puddy Tatt

DATELINE: SPORTY SATIRE

ImageTweets for the Tweetie

MLB released a photoshopped photo of Jacoby Ellsbury in a Yankee uniform, pronouncing he was already in his new duds.

This is before an official announcement and synchronous with his physical. His steel buns survived the jet ride from his home in Arizona to the Big Apple for the big event.

Ellsbury must be staying in New York for the rest of the week in order to attend a giant press conference over at the Bronx zoo on Friday the 13th.

We almost figure there will be a serial killer in a goalie mask coming out of the shadows to attack him. No, Tuukka Rask would never do that, even for Boston.

The Yankees love to fly in the face of convention and superstition—and holding a press conference and signing Ellsbury on Dec. 13th, Friday, is brave indeed.

As every fan in Boston knows, you never tempt fate when it comes to the glass unicorn that is Jacoby Ellsbury.

This week Boston fans will have a smug look on their faces, like the cat with a canary sitting on his tongue. Yet it is New York Yankees that look like the Cheshire Cat. The signing of Ellsbury is about as big as discovering Sylvester has finally caught Tweetie Pie.

Little Tweetie Ellsbury has seen the puddy tatt and now his face is shaved cleaner than a hound’s tooth. His new photo makes him look surprisingly like Johnny Damon.

Like all multi-year deals, this one won’t be finally settled until accounts are in arrears. Somewhere down the road we fully expect the glass fragility of Ellsbury to put him on the shelf.

Whether Ellsbury turns out to be a Faberge Egg, or just another New York Humpty Dumpty, the next few years will tell us. But, Boston fans are already relaxed and breathing a sigh of relief.

Tweetie Pie’s cage is out of our ken of responsibility.

 

 You can read about Jacoby Ellsbury in Boston in the new book RED SOX 2013: NAKED CAME THE LINEUP!  It is now available at Amazon.com in softcover and ebook format.