Whatever Happened to Robert Griffin III

 

 

 

DATELINE: MiA in the NFL

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When the NFL decided to rid itself of Roman numerals, RG3 was in trouble. His shortened nickname probably meant he would not be relevant until the final Star Wars movie (is it 7 or VII ?) would be released with the aging, old cast of Harrison Ford and Mark Hamil and Carrie Fisher. Is it coming before Super Bowl L?

The other name problem in Washington has been the team itself, immersed in controversy over its demeaning name, putatively insulting to Native Americans. Well, as we often note, the nation’s capital is no stranger to controversy—and racist controversy at that. The city is below the Mason Dixon line.

This is the city where Abe Lincoln met his Southern nemesis, John Wilkes Booth.

Which brings us full circle to the hotshot star of the future—way back in 2012, the NFL touted Robert Griffin III as its darling. Of course, the NFL has tried to ram its fabricated stars down the public throat for some time.  And, it has tried to destroy stars it does not approve for children (like Tom Brady).

Alas for the NFL, RGIII has gone the way of Super Bowl L.

No letters or numbers in a foreign tongue unless you play in London.

The NFL has tried to forget they built RG111 into the Second Coming of Michael Vick (well, that dog in the manger has been rechristened Mike Vick lately).

RG of DC may need to find a new name with a team with a new name before he can play again. Rumors persist that he is undergoing a change in the tradition of My Fair Lady. Wagering NFL professors want to transform him into a safety—and he works out nowadays with the DC scrubs in waiting.

We will not see RG3 or III with the Washington (blanks) in Super Bowl L this year.

Super Bowl L Compromised

DATELINE: Wafting Emanations

What the ‘L’ is going on, NFL?Featured image

You want to put Deflategate behind you, like Satan, but you don’t accomplish that by scheduling your appeal court date three days before the half-time show.

In case you were wondering, the NFL does not believe Tom Brady will appear in Super Bowl 50.  As we have all noticed, the NFL has abandoned their traditional Roman numeral for the next Super Bowl, thinking its fans would not understand the meaning of L.

They also have agreed to have the appeal of Deflategate during the week of the Super Bowl in February of 2016. So much for their claims they did not want Deflategate to distract fans.

So, there will be two super events leading up to kickoff.  Media Day will compete with Court Day.

A few legal experts claim Tom will not have to travel back to court with an entourage of lawyers and media in tow.

Yet, we cannot help but think the notion of a Super Bowl quarterback facing the ultimate distraction is a guarantee to try to make the Patriots lose the game.

Integrity, where is thy sting?

Ask that old Bumblebee Goodell.  We aren’t sure if Roger is a stinger or a stinker.

The idea that the NFL will try to compromise who wins the game is only slightly less appalling than the idea that the entire enterprise is fixed, a long held suspicion among the cognoscenti.

When in Rome, Use Arabic Numerals

DATELINE: HUMOR L, M, OR C

Dumb America

NFL has reached its ultimate dumbing down point.

For many of us this point was reached several decades ago, but now it is an official moment of imbecility for the Commissioner.

The NFL cannot deal with “L.” We don’t mean the L-shaped room, or the elevated L. We mean the Roman numeral. L is too confusing.

Yes, it’s true. The big brains at the Commissioner’s office just realized their average fan cannot fathom an L from an M. They had no trouble with all those fancy Roman numerals X, V, I, but you cannot get blood from a turnip.

That’s about as good a description of Super Bowl 50 as you will find.

Students in America’s schools never add, subtract, multiply or divide and conquer without computer aids. To ask them to do it with Latinate figures is too much to bear.

The NFL never did catch on that X, V, I, or L, in front of another letter means subtraction. Heaven forefend that the morons watching the Super Bowl have to subtract from their half-time show snacks.

We probably would never see Super Bowl LIV anyhow because no one would know what that means. The NFL preferred LIIII, and that might stretch the fingers beyond counting for the average pigskin fan.

From henceforth we will use Arabic numerals until the Taliban objects or al-Qaeda throws a shoe.

Numbskulls cannot fathom Roman numerals.

Those Xs and Os are reserved for playmakers or hugs and kisses, and putting them on the title of the game seems redundant.

Of course, they still have an 0 in 50. The NFL is now going 0 for I, but no one in authority can count that high.