Skinwalker Reaches Its Finale

DATELINE: Begging for another season?

Abandoned Homestead at Skinwalker!

This dubious series has reached its first-year contract with History Channel: they have done eight obligatory episodes. Whether there will be more, we may not know until the time for another season is upon us.

 

History Channel works in mysterious ways. This show, Secret of Skinwalker Ranch, has now given Dr. Travis Taylor his moment of revenge on the nitwits who have hampered him for eight episodes. He reveals that those mysterious copters overhead are the intelligence force of the United States, or so claim.

 

They have brought on Linda Moulton Howe for the final two episodes, and she has a wealth of info about cattle mutilations as she observes footage of a craft hovering above a dying cow.

Howe believes they interrupted a broad daylight mutilation in the making. The dead cow is dragged off for predators to eat, but not one has touched the dead animal.

As part of the self-congratulations, Brandon Fuglar brings in the Utah Attorney General to thank the Skinwalker crew for all they are doing to safeguard the public! Hunh?

At the Fuglar billionaire headquarters, the group assembles to re-hash the events of the previous episodes. What it becomes in its own strange way, is a plea to the powers at History Channel to allow them to continue investigating next season.

The Disneyland of Paranormal tries to recap its high points, but never are too far off the ground.

 

Travis Taylor makes his bold and arcane announcement that unidentified agencies are interested in their findings. He is so vague we almost want to ask what country contacted him.

 

Each member of the team professes how much he has changed since the show started. It’s more than the audience can say.

Tom Brady at Skinwalker Ranch

Tom Brady at Skinwalker Ranch

Brady’s Custom Spaceship Now for Sale!

Tom Brady continues to divest himself of all things New England. Latest is his used vehicle, a customized spaceship that brings heart-warming memories back to the aging quarterback.

It can be yours for $300,000. Not since the Aaron Hernandez Death-Mobile went up for sale on eBay has there been such a chance for Patriots fans.

Among the amenities, this vehicle is super re-enforced to protect Brady against bad New England drivers. You may not recall he was involved in a car crash on the way to Gillette Stadium early in his career. After that, he wanted super-reinforced electromagnetic, interdimensional protections.

Now we presumed he worried about terrorists and kidnappers against his family, but now living in Trump country where there are no taxes and Gulf Breeze is a familiar jumping off point, he no longer needs insured protection: unless it is against space abductions by rival aliens and lost time (an important commodity for Tom).

Yes, the vehicle exceeds all U.S. Crush and Crash Resistance Laws. Unfortunately, this gas guzzler will need plenty of fuel as it goes about 3000 feet on a gallon of high octane.

This vehicle has propulsion that can travel to the stars with stars: it’s not just another pimpmobile where Julie Edelman and cronies can pile in.

Yes, this vehicle can transcend warp speed and has even been seen emerging from orange portals at Skinwalker Ranch, lending credence to the notion that Tom Brady is a shape-shifter as well as a shifty guy.

The custom seating will accommodate Brady in whatever form he takes in his universal time travels. Oh, yes, this car exceeds the DeLorean abilities of going back to the future. Tom has maintained his youthful appearance by using the vehicle as a hyperbolic time chamber in his copper-fused pajama spacesuit.

There is enough headroom in this vehicle that the Apollo astronauts would be envious.

Though it has been deceptively created to appear to be a Cadillac Escalade, it is a vehicle once filmed by AATIP jet pilots on scramble over Catalina Island.

Among standard modifications are six-way electro-magnetic chargers that gently provide you with immortality while reclining in the electric leg rests.

“Parting ways with my UFO won’t be easy. From day one it became my sanctuary from the outside noise,” the Tompa Bay Buccaneer star is quoted as saying in the listing. He hopes that the next owner will feel like Superman, a strange visitor from another planet who may also use the disguise of an NFL GOAT to hide his true identity.

 

The Skinny on the Skinwalker, episode 2

 DATELINE: Skinwalking on the Wild Side

 What a twit.

It’s a short trial series: but the series is offering a box of chocolates to paranormal/UFO fans. You have a true sampler. If it catches on, we might have another season. Right now, you can pinch a bunch of candies to see what flavor is hidden under the creamy covering.

Dr. Travis Taylor is hamstrung by the people who ask him to do research and come up with findings. That’s always one way to infuriate people who come to see what all the hubbub is about.

Once again, the Achilles’ heel of the show is the blowhard billionaire Brandon Fugal. If viewers are turned off and the show is stopped dead in its paranormal tracks, it is this arrogant prig’s fault. His toadies on the ranch are falling all over themselves to kiss his ring and the hand that signs their paychecks.

When the team goes out for an overnight measurement of microwaves and other electro-magnetic effects, they see on infrared beams of light over the mountaintops. There is no explanation of where or who is sending these.

Abruptly, Tom Winterton, the youngest and heathiest of all, comes down with a bad headache. It is reminiscent of something that happened a year ago out in the wilds, a mysterious head injury. He is taken to the hospital emergency room.

Taylor blames himself for setting up an experiment that could have caused injury: but there is no evidence whatsoever that there is a cause/effect related to the experiment, microwaves, or any phenomenon out there.

This calls for the billionaire owner to drop everything and show up for the next episode. If all of this seems like an overblown tempest in a teapot, you have Fugal telling viewers that all previous study info was classified and unreleased: by him? By the previous owner? By the government? Your guess is all you have because this series isn’t telling you the whole story.

 

Ancient Aliens: One Big Commercial

DATELINE: A Barrel of Lunacy?

 Ubiquitous Travis.

We know that History Channel is utterly shameless in its promotion of other series on the channel. This week another show from the producers of the Oak Island treasure show will start their examination of Skinwalker Ranch.

So, of course, Ancient Aliens cannot let the opportunity pass without horning in on the sensation.

So, we have yet another hour-long commercial announcement for a new series from the producers of the Cure of Oak Island, and lo and behold, that old History Channel staple, Dr. Travis Taylor will be host.

UFOs. Weird creatures. Poisonous ground. “Disneyland of the Paranormal,” according to Giorgio. Skinwalker Ranch is named after an indigenous shaman who was Navajo. The natives were driven out in the 1860s by the U.S. military. Yep, we are talking about an evil force in the world. Not exactly the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Heavily armed guards take care of the property. It sounds like Area 52.

Of course, Skinwalkers are tricksters too. They shapeshift into something else or even invisible and interdimensional. There is rock art in the canyons to show creatures from another world. Many drawings show them coming out of vortexes.

It’s also known as UFO Alley, so we have here a smorgasbord of paranormal treats. Fireballs fly overhead. There are 100s of reports.

Others have seen a Dire Wolf, which has been extinct for 10,000 years, likely meaning time and space is traversed.

Another weird billionaire, Robert Bigelow, bought the place to support his ET searching efforts. He put surveillance everywhere, including security. He won’t reveal his findings.

Ancient Alienstheorizes that there are rips in the fabric of space, allowing odd and dangerous things to enter.

Are there underground space portal bases? Bigelow bailed for unknown reasons. Well, everything is there except the kitchen sink, but maybe the new series will show us that.

 

 

Shapeshifting Shifts Ancient Aliens

DATELINE: UFOs & Dracula 

 Dracula’s Church?

Can it be an accident that History Channel has a new series starting about shapeshifters? And, just by coincidence, Ancient Aliens devotes a show to the bizarre suggestion that visiting aliens have now taken new forms to hide among us! Isn’t that a bad sci-fi movie from a decade ago?

They can become bats like vampires! Or they can pretend to be your family member. These legends seem to have a new connection to shapeshifters from another planet!  Oi vey.

This does give us a chance to see Travis Walter again: you know the famous missing person from Fire in the Sky. He claims the aliens shifted their looks to calm him down during his abduction.

Human looking extra-terrestrials? This is a shapeshifting conspiracy theory. These spies are a new version of a Fifth Column. Ancient Aliens says this is a historical idea right out of your favorite Bible. These changes in “gods” like Zeus want to fool some of the people all of the time.

Yes, shapeshifting is the new date drug. They show up to make time with those babes on the Florida beaches.

This is not hypnosis, but technology—according to our favorite Giorgio. And this technology is the best trick since Halloween extracted candy from neighborhood households. These are your trickster gods.

The greatest shapeshifter from another dimension is the octopus with his multi-brains with weird DNA from another planet. Not indigenous?Oi vey!

Yes, even the cloaking device from Star Trek is a kind of shapeshifting. They also trace the jinn to the Koran—and now we find out that Barbara Eden in I Dream of Jeanniewas a shapeshifter.

Even more interesting, a painting of a UFO over Dracula’s hometown church is 700 years old. Fee-Fi-fo-fum, these creatures eat blood. That’s not all:  the Wolfman, half-man and half-wolf at the full Moon is right out of your UFO.

If you are confused, maybe Ancient Alienshas turned into Skinwalker Ranchbefore our eyes!  Yup, Nick Pope can barely keep a straight face while shifting his shifty argument.