To Flay or To Souffle: Gronk’s Big Question

DATELINE: HUMOR

Gronk has been doing online interviews again. So, you can expect the sublime and the ridiculous.

For the most part, there is nothing in between for Gronk. Whether it is tackling or receiving the ball, he plays the same way. You then should not be surprised by his everyday life.

Gronk is a magnificent beast when he runs for a TD and spikes the ball in the endzone. That is sublime and ridiculous entwined.

When doing his robotic, kung-fu style dance moves, he is no Cam Newton. Yet, Gronk’s ridiculous appearance rivals the ridiculous as when Fred Astaire dances with a broom.

As to why he is reluctant to have online accounts, like Snapchat, Gronk explains that women will send him off-color photos. This problem would likely cause him trouble. He prefers his off-color in the locker room. We were reminded he likes to eat Polish sausage.

Wisdom in this day and age indeed.

We were most struck with Gronk’s ridiculously sublime eating habits.

Gronk confessed that his mother makes a superior “Chicken Sue flay.”

We immediately went to our mother’s treasured cookbook to find out why we never were served such a delectable. We felt ridiculous, and hardly sublime.

We found recipes by Bobby Flay, some kind of chef and something called SoyVay Chicken, but not Sue Flay.

We once experienced a cheddar and chicken soufflé, but this dish seemed to be too exotic for Gronk. But wait, do you think the continental Gronk, known for his facility with all things fiesta, might have a Francophobic blind spot?

If asked, Gronk will tell us he loves franks, especially with beans. It’s ridiculous to expect more, or even less.