Time Versus Tom and Vice Versa

DATELINE:  Brady’s Life

movietone news   march of time news

The first 24-minute episode of the six-part series on and about Tom Brady revealed nothing and everything. It was the best of documentaries and the worst of documentaries. It’s called Tom Versus Time, and it is like watching the old chestnut March of Time in video newsreel format.

Tom Brady morphs into Charles Foster Kane.

No, Gotham Chopra is not Charles Dickens, and Tom is no David Copperfield. There is more of Dorian Gray here than gravy. The infomercial known as Brady’s life is like a bit of undigested beef. It just sits there.

If you want shock, Tom does not refer to Swami Belichick as “Coach,” his usual reverential term for 17 years. He calls him, heaven forfend, “Belichick,” and shares his notes from one of the Head Coach’s lectures. It is filled with laughable platitudes, and Tom keeps a wink in his hip pocket.

Brady also shows his four-game suspension letter, which he enjoys for its motivational impact. Tom follows in the carbon footprints of motivational charlatan Tony Robbins. They even did a vaudeville act together in Boston this year.

Tom allows quite an intimate picture of his children, which most celebrities avoid. It seems to follow his dictum that nothing matters but winning.

If episode one conveys any sense out of nonsense, it is that there is no straightforward narrative line here. We see clips from all over the year, piled on the previous with a little philosophical mortar to hold them together.

Gotham’s city of Brady may be a bit heavy on bats in the belfry. Director Gotham Chopra knows what idolization means. Off the field Tom Brady is clearly a koo-koo bird.

This is homage and paean to Tom, as directed by an adoring Boswell. You won’t find T.E. Lawrence’s Seven Pillars of Fire here, only six. It is, after all, an infomercial.

Of all Tom’s thousands of player-friends over two decades, only two knights show up at the Round Table: Julie Edelman and Danny Amendola. There is no Tom in team Gillette, but we do see Alex Guerrero, the Merlin of football wizards, giving Brady a solid massage in this medium well-done documentary.

The star quarterback is entitled to his fair share of egomania, considering his impressive  accomplishments. Walking on water will do that for Lawrence of Arabia and Tom Brady. The adoring masses tend to confirm his warrior status, though he has no plan here to sell himself short.

More to come, like a Batman cliffhanger.

 

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Oak Island Disappoints Again, S5, E11

 DATELINE:  Giving Up?

Wayne Herschel map

If you have followed the optimistic line of thought on The Curse of Oak Island during Season Five, you may have thought the paydirt was coming.

Instead, the series came up empty again. After finding little nuggets or clues for weeks on end, and promising us the big moment, even the Lagina brothers could not hide their crushing defeat.

Nothing came out of the hole that went down 200 feet to bedrock. A few more pieces of pottery and bone. The biggest find was on the shore, with an apparent lead Templar cross, from around 1400 hiding in the muck.

However, the palpable boring turned up nothing. Craig Tester, one of the partners, announced this was his last season on this dig, having lost his 16-year old son earlier in the year. No one has dared to ask him if he believes this is the curse. His action may speak louder than any word.  His stepson Jack Begley was not so crushed and planned to continue the search.

What happened? How could they be on a platform, a vault, a treasure, then bore down through a cavern ten feet to nothing?

As always on Oak Island, incompetence rivals rash behavior. The Laginas presume their fifty-inch drill pushed the vault with treasure off to the side, maybe.

They also found a large spot where they missed, but some kind of fancy sonar located metal. Here we go again, all you hopeful viewers. Almost to prove the waste of money and energy, neither Alex Lagina nor Dan Blankenship, the best two reality stars, showed up for this episode.

You can plainly see the weather has changed on the show, and we are no closer, and no farther, than ever before.

 

 

Crossing Your Heart on Oak Island

 DATELINE:  Medieval Cross Amazes Hunters

lagina's cross

Rick Lagina crosses our hearts.

 

You may be surprised that we are up to Episode 10 of the fifth season on Oak Island. They have hit a plateau with the boring stuff.

Yes, their 50” drill, supposedly to be used with great care, has fallen through some vault and down 10 feet without meeting any resistance. So much for smashed objects.

There really is no where to go but down.

While waiting for more water (they are out of water on an island?) that is used to sift through the debris located at 150 feet to locate more bones, pottery, or whatever else is down there, Rick Lagina and Gary Drayton, the Australian metal detector guy, went to a rocky beach area at low tide.

With the expensive metal detector, Drayton made one of the more intriguing discoveries of a season of odd items. He located a rough-hewn cross made of lead.

Rick Lagina immediately recognized it as resembling the crosses he had seen from Knights Templars—and Drayton was convinced, without any other confirmation, that the style of the cross meant it could be from as early as 1200.

The Templars were wiped out as heretics in the early 1300s.

There is no way to know if the cross came to Oak Island, improbably, years after it was made, lost off a ship, brought by waves to its present location. No, we suspect it was dropped there by a visitor. But, jumping the gun becomes the norm when your patience is at a nadir. We want some official inspection by experts.

We feel the long wait may be about to pay off on Oak Island.