Ray Allen: Gone Fishing for Compliments

DATELINE: Mysterious World of Cat Fishing

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If you haven’t heard of cat-fishing, you are out of touch with today’s Internet.

Former Boston Celtic Ray Allen is giving us a crash course in something to do with scams, sexual harassment, and online game players.

He is now counter-suing a young man who pretended to be a woman (actually several women) and lured Mr. Allen into online relationships.

It appears there is more than meets the eye to your online pickup lines.

Allen allegedly started stalking his tweeter. Well, how can you stalk a man who pretends to be a woman without finding out that the stalk is off-kilter?

In the world of retired sports stars with time on their hands, you discover that it was a two-way stalking. The young deceiver may have had incriminating evidence and was a threat to reveal it to the family of Mr. Allen.

This gives new meaning to the term “on the down-low.”  Yes, sports fans, in the world of sexual stalking, being on the DL is not always the disabled list.

We might wonder if former movie star (He Got Game) and 3-point champ Allen was light in his sneakers when he took all those jump shots.

We recall vividly his inexplicable feud with Rajon Rondo when they were on their championship NBA treadmill nearly a decade ago.

All the Celtics teammates blackballed Mr. Allen when he jumped ship for an NBA ring on another team. Perhaps teammates already were separating themselves from the DL list.

So, Ray’s best defense is now that he was cat-fished, the colorful term to describe a sexual peccadillo.

 

Ray Allen Returns to Green Time

 DATELINE: Time and Tide Goes Backwards

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With word that former Celtic Ray Allen may return to Boston for the first time in Green since 2012, the seismic register has begun to shake off the chart.

Allen left the Celtics and a two-year contract on the table for less money in Miami. He alienated Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce.  Their big three musketeers turned into three blind mice.

The real reason that Ray Allen had to leave the Celtics was Rajon Rondo. Their on court animosity was more palpable than lumps in your coffee.

Now all the evil that men do lives after them in other places.

Ray Allen is ready, at 41, to play ball with the Celtics as their grand old man.

It has sparked some talk in sports circles about the inevitability of Father Time. No, A-Rod will not show up at Fenway ready to rekindle his once-reversed contract with the Red Sox.

And, now that Tom Brady is suspended for a month of Sundays in September, we hear that Tony Eason, Steve Grogan, and Doug Flutie are warming up in the wings.

Yep, and Ted Danson is considering re-fitting himself into the Boston bar where everyone knew his name as the dumb blond guy. And, Woody Harrelson will demur.

Old age is a number—and when Manny Ramirez says he wants one more chance to drop balls in left field, we are listening.

If Donald Trump can kick babies instead of kiss them, we know our world is upside down.

Come back, Ray Allen. Rondo is dispatched, and Tom Brady is in limbo. We need your superstar status to fill up the empty pages of blogs and the vapid sports reports every evening on TV.

Can Aaron Hernandez be expecting a presidential pardon to return to the Patriots?

Welcome Home, Garnett & Pierce

DATELINE: REUNIONS Rondo & Ray in Happier Times

The Boston Celtics fans at the TD Garden saved their strongest support of the season for a couple of Brooklyn Nets players.

Yes, even Kevin Garnett noted that the tribute paid to him was “over the top,” and the United States sent the Marines to stop this kind of thing in Tripoli. Not one cent for tribute.

Paul Pierce got his too.

Though Rondo wanted to ignore the shenanigans, he stopped to give a mild round of applause to his two former mates.

Kevin Garnett was so overcome that he forgot his mantra for game face and was broadly smiling. It was a hope to be devoutly wished. If Garnett was off his rituals, the Celtics had a chance to win the game.

Even Kendrick Perkins put out a tweet to recognize his former championship teammates for a well-deserved ovation. The lone missing link was Ray Allen who remained in the doghouse and bereft of love from Boston where he suffered the slings and arrows of disdain upon his return last year.

No such luck as to win the game, as Lucky the Leprechaun favored former Celtics over the present-day upstarts.

A few media members who have not watched a game all season called the young players unexciting and lackluster.

All were hoping that the lottery to come would provide vast riches and a superstar to make the Celtics contenders again.

In the meantime, we won’t see such love poured onto former players until they return in retirement for the ever-lasting honor of retired numbers.

He Still Got Game

DATELINE: MOVIE MASHUP

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Ray Allen and Spike Lee will not let the ghost go. They are planning a sequel to the original basketball classic entitled He Got Game.

It gave Ray Allen his nickname, which is no sobriquet. It is the character’s moniker: Jesus Shuttlesworth. The name is almost as preposterous as the idea of bringing back the story with all the characters twenty years later.

Denzel Washington played Ray Allen’s father—though today his youthful looks better prepare him to play Ray’s younger brother.

A few years back when Allen played for the Boston Celtics, Denzel came to watch his screen son play when the team came to Los Angeles. The reunion was sweet.

Spike Lee’s movie of 1998 was far more intriguing than the notion of basketball issues and family torment. It was a film that drew upon great music from Aaron Copeland, including the film score from Our Town during a graveyard visit and the shootout music from Billy the Kid.

That sort of rich heritage beyond the game made the movie important on its own level, but hardly would make a dent in the psyche of basketball devotees who were charmed with the deification of a basketball hero.

The original story put Denzel’s character into a hotseat. He was released from prison for one week to convince his son to attend the governor’s alma mater.

Burdened by his life of missed opportunities, Shuttlesworth failed his son and lost his chance. Where does the story go twenty years later? The dynamic of fathers and sons at 40 and 60 are not quite the same as when the old man is 40 and the son is 20.

Nevertheless, a sequel twenty years after the original is intriguing in an age when many are filmed back-to-back to save money and actors throw some flour in their hair to look older.

Ray Allen’s career in basketball likely was far more successful than anything Jesus Shuttlesworth could have accomplished, but the resonance may add to the allure of a sequel.

We await the results.

 

 

 

 

Celtics Forever, or a Tree Grows in Brooklyn

ImageRondo and Ray in Happier Times (we think)

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Ray Allen is still mystified as to why his former Celtic teammates won’t speak to him. Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce of the Brooklyn Nuts have shut the door on the three-point marvel and former member of the Big Three.

Allen, often thought to be the most intelligent of the three, now is running head and shoulders ahead in the obtuseness quotient.

He believes their trades from the Celtics should make Garnett and Pierce more amenable to his situation. Apparently it has not. They still refuse to acknowledge him and regard him as a traitor.

They were traded. He was a traitor. There is a difference, Ray.

The other point Ray seems oblivious to understand is that he broke up the trio by choice. He feared Trader Danny Ainge, his nemesis on the Celtics, was going to dump him anyhow. This may be a stretch when the Celtics offered Allen more money than the Heat. He chose to take his talents to South Beach. It is the last refuge of scoundrels in the NBA.

The real reason for the cold shoulder toward Ray was at the Miami Heat game with the Celtics, though he did not play.

Rajon Rondo was always the fourth member of the musketeers, and he and Musketeer Bathos Allen never seemed to hit it off.

Rodney King inquired of the Celtics, “Why can’t we all just get along?”  Some fans speculate that Rondo’s reaction was to punch him in the nose and push him into a swimming pool. That is nothing compared to what Rondo would like to do to Ray Allen.

Following in the footsteps of his Big Daddy Kevin Garnett, Rajon also ignored Ray Allen in pre-game rituals. The acorn does not fall far from the Brooklyn tree, but Rondo can throw it and hit Ray Allen on the noggin every time.

 

 

LeBron James Opens Mouth, Inserts Two Feet

DATELINE: HUMOR!

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LeBron James finds hypocrites everywhere except in the mirror.

LeBron James called Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce a couple of hypocrites for being mean to Ray Allen after he left the Boston Celtics. In LeBron’s twisted world, Garnett and Pierce left Boston too.

Now Doc Rivers has piped in to criticize the loudmouth, blabberhead, imbecile that is LeBron James. Once a Celtic, always a Celtic, Rivers noted that Garnett and Pierce were TRADED, and they did not choose to leave Boston—like Ray Allen.

Doc noted too he chose to leave Boston, but has not criticized Ray Allen.

All of this controversy sparked angry responses from Garnett who told James to mind his own business on South Beach. Pierce was dumbfounded by the notion that he left Boston or wanted to.

Instead of admitting he was wrong, James has told media sources he is done talking about other teams. He might add that he should be done talking about anything of which he is ignorant. Of course, that would mean LeBron could only talk about his mother Gloria and Delonte West.

LeBron famously dumped Cleveland for the warm cllimes of South Beach where his talents would be on ample display with his own version of the Big Three of Garnett, Pierce, and Allen.

Defenders of LeBron think he meant to protect his dear new teammate Ray Allen who has become D’Artagnan to the photocopy Big Three of LeBron, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh.

All this goes to show that old Celtics die hard and they are not likely to fade away.

 

 

Boston Celtics Name Game

DATELINE: HUMOR!Rondo&GreenNebulacover

What’s in an NBA name for the Boston Celtics?

The NBA always thinks it has a better idea, but not this time. They want to allow players to put a nickname on the back of their jersey instead of their birthright.

Obviously this opens up a can of worms. Indeed, some nicknames are better left in the locker room. We doubt that “Stinky” will be popular–unless put to a fan vote.

If players are forced to come up with colorful nicknames, the handle market will face stiff competition when “Number One” wears number 73.

Ray Allen, formerly of many teams, would revert to his handle from his movie hit. “Shuttlesworth” is hardly a nick but more like an encyclopedia of letters. If he went by the character’s first name, it would only be blasphemy for those who remember the movie He Got Game.

Allen is in the forefront of those who want to ditch their birthnames and family ties. How many black men in the NBA would dump their roots?

When nicknames shorten the burden of long names, we would laud the effort. Kris Humphries-Kardashian before his divorce was a case in point.

We will enjoy seeing Kris running up and down the court with “Hump” on his back. Shades of Quasimodo.

Jared Sullinger’s troubles with girlfriends and the law will “Sully” his name for all time. Whether he will sully the Celtics only time will tell.

Already we miss Kevin Garnett whose jersey shall read “Big Ticket” and Paul Pierce whose backside reveals “The Truth.”

The plain fact is that Rajon Rondo has no nickname, as befits him. Rondo will always be Rondo, though the pressure will mount to put “Savior” on his back.

Prepare for NBA basketball by reading RAJON RONDO & THE GREEN NEBULA, now available at Amazon.com in softcover or ebook.

Ray Allen Steps on the Celtics Bug and Squashes It

DATELINE: HUMOR!

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Pictured: Rajon Rondo & Ray Allen in Happier Days

No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Ray Allen had been circumspect all season as to his ties to the Celtics where Rajon Rondo led a movement to tar and feather the shooter.

Now ready to play in the NBA Finals with the dreaded Heat, he has spoken out on his “vindication.” It’s not exactly a word with the milk of human kindness in its context.

In fact, you could say Ray is rubbing salt in the Celtic open wound. As if to break open the scab one more time, he noted that former close friend Paul Pierce is at the mercy of what the Celtics want to do.

It was a position Ray Allen was not going to hand to Trader Danny Ainge, the ruthless GM. Ray seemed to be casting his predictions before the swine of the media: intimating that Paul Pierce was toast and he wasn’t going to spread any marmalade on that hot slice.

Allen also insisted that, unlike his quondam friend, he kept control, rather a standard expectation for a control freak like Ray. Paul Pierce is more laid back and likely to accept fate—though the money is on Pierce staying in green next year because Rondo likes him.

There was no sniff at Rondo, though by suggesting he had fulfilled his whole hope of being in the Finals with the right team. Rondo definitely was not the right guard, and Ray will be the first to insist that Rondo needs a new deodorant.

Having cast off his last vestige of being a Nice Guy, Celtics fans are free to hope the worst for Ray Allen.

Be sure to read RAJON RONDO & THE GREEN NEBULA, his latest antics and adventures, or the classic RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR. Both are available on Amazon.com in softcover or in your favorite device format for ebook.

Heat & Celtics Snooze & Stretch in Playoff Preview

DATELINE: HUMOR!

 

A preview of the playoffs between the Celtics and the Heat did not happen on Friday night.

 

Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce did not play as their heels were aching from playing another 18 holes of golf in Miami. That Florida sunshine can sap your energy if you are not used to it.

 

As usual, LeBron James was indignant of a foul call upon him. He must be worried that the NBA officials will toss him out of the game. That would be a first.

 

Worse news for the Celtics was that LeBron was wearing green sneakers in honor of the Green Team.  Those watching the clodhoppers running up and down the court might mistake him for Avery Bradley.

 

In the first quarter James tried to score all the buckets for the Heat, figuring this would warm him up for breaking Wilt Chamberlain’s scoring record.

 

With ranks in the playoffs set and time in a regular season game coming down to that can avoid an ankle sprain or an ACL issue, you might expect the game would be a dull affair.

 

Bosh and Wade fairly much mailed in the game, always a danger. The real problem is that they will fall out of rhythm when the Celtics come into Miami for the real deal playoff series.

 

Celtic coach Doc Rivers may have been hiding a deck of cards up his sleeves by keeping his best weapons out of the game.

 

 

 

When Ray Allen came into the game for the Heat, you didn’t hear or see any razzmatazz. And, Allen didn’t see anyone he won a championship with (Rondo, Perkins, Garnett, and Pierce were AWOL).

 

If you think the Heat don’t know Garnett and Pierce after all these years, then you haven’t watched playoff matches in recent years.

 

If you were expecting a playoff style game between these two rivals, you tuned in a week or two too early.

 

 

 

Red Sox Next on List of Free Agent Turncoats, Just Ask Jacoby Ellsbury

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Take a number, Jacoby Ellsbury.   Next one in the bakery line to leave Boston is the Red Sox representative.

In the matter of a year or so, New England sports fans have been shot full of more holes than the proverbial donut at the bakery.

First, Tim Thomas of the Boston Bruins, agitated by media and fan criticisms of his odd political decisions, chose to do one better than sign with another team. He simply took a leave-of-absence and moved his family to Colorado in the dark of night.

Next, Ray Allen of the Boston Celtics, infuriated by the antics and snubs of Rajon Rondo, turned down twice as much money with the Celtics to go sit on the bench in Miami (but move more steadily to another NBA championship).

This week Wes Welker, formerly of the New England Patriots, took his talents to Mile High in Denver. There he could play with the other QB legend of his generation. Peyton Manning may be the best antidote to Tom Brady.

Only one team in Boston still awaits their major defection. Yes, Red Sox fans, your turn comes next.

We already know the name of the player who shall flee the city with animosity and nonchalance in equal dollops.

The next turncoat and free agent will be Red Sox centerfielder Jacoby Ellsbury.

There is no suspense and no reason for a great hue and cry. We know he is going, and it is a matter of when. Perhaps the team will simply trade him away before the August deadline.

Whatever happens and however it happens, this will mean Boston shall suffer the departure of a major star from each of its teams, all within a year or so.

Well, this is called poetic justice. All four teams won their sport championships within the past decade. It seems only fair that Boston fans reap the wind after so many victories.

 

 

Ray Allen & Wes Welker Hightail It Out of New England

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Like Ray Allen of the Celtics, Wes Welker of the Patriots took the first stagecoach out of Dodge.

Celtics coach Doc Rivers said, “Say it ain’t so, Wes.” He too saw the parallel of a major star on a successful team choosing to leave town.

Ray Allen took less money with the Miami Heat than was offered by the Celtics, so agitated was he with the home treatment.

Now history has repeated itself. Wes Welker, prolific receiver and best buddy of Tom Brady, felt mild disdain and translated it into a short career for middling dollars in Denver.

Imagine how insulting the Patriot offer must have been.

Welker had been benched for making jokes about Rex Ryan, and overlooked by offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels in favor of his hand-picked sweetie-pies.

So, the crafty owners of the Patriots will face the music with fans who ask why.

The genius coach of the Patriots in whom all true believers follow without question will be asked repeatedly why he hated Wes Welker.

Tom Brady who restructured his contract to insure signing good, reliable players must ask himself if he has been duped by the “friendly” owners who treat him like one of the family.

If this is All in the Family treatment, then Brady may want to find another bunch.

Fans will not soon forget this travesty of Patriotic vitriol. Welker was offered peanuts, and not a few minutes later the Patriots gave Danny Amendola a five-year, $30million contract.

Ouch.

A certain contingent will lump Welker and Ray Allen into the same barrel as rotten apples for a decade to come. Eventually the prism of history will shine its light into the crevices of corrupt motives.

Blame will hang in the air for some time to come. But, there is no honor among the Patriot leadership.

One Good Return and the Spoils of Ray Allen

 

It’s not exactly the return of the Invisible Man. We see him coming.

Ray Allen comes back to his haunt of success, the Boston TD Garden and his once-beloved Celtics. Now they are merely a nemesis in green pantaloons.

Of course, returns are not always happy like when you take an empty bottle to the redemption center—and it doesn’t count. There is no redemption when Ray Allen turns up at the Garden. You won’t even get your five cents’ worth.

In Miami at the start of the season, Allen received de rigueur hugs from his former boss, Doc Rivers, but was ignored like a bad smell in polite company by Kevin Garnett.

We expect this time Garnett may suggest that he misses Ray Allen about as much as he missed Honey Nut Cheerios when he played Carmelo recently.

Rajon Rondo probably won’t see Allen clearly. Though this is not a playoff game, it is possible that Ray may receive at least one more pass from Rondo in this game than he had while playing for the Celtics last May.

Allen may have an opportune moment in his return to Boston. He can kick his former team while it is down on its luck.

When (and if) Ray returns to Boston during the playoffs this season, it will not carry the impact of this trifling game. This may not be the return of the native; or even the return to the thrilling days of yesteryear, but it is a return of destiny.

 

Ray’s return may smack of the return from the great beyond of Lennay Kekua to Manti Te’o when she called to say she wasn’t dead after all. You don’t need the Ouija Board to know the outcome.

Suffice it to say Ray Allen is not dead as a doornail like Jacob Marley, but his return will haunt the Celtics with all the power of knocking Scrooge off his porridge. The only excuse left is that the discomfort is caused by a bit of undercooked beef with Rondo.