Rajon Rondo Back with Fan Elan

DATELINE: Back Where He Belongs

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We were giddy to see Rajon Rondo, even in an ugly Pelican uniform.

Now 31, but looking as young as ever, Rondo came back to Boston for one night and instantly put his stamp of controversy on the Celtics.

He told media members that former Celt Isaiah Thomas did not deserve a video tribute. After all, as Rondo pointed out, he was only on the team for three years and never won a championship. It’s those banners up above the parquet floor that matter.

When Rondo said, “This is the Boston Celtics,” to shoot down the notion that IT deserved not much more than nothing. You know that Rondo is still a Celtic to the core, no red uniform could hide that fact.

Rondo knows of what he speaks. He spent nine years in Boston, and the most recent championship banner came from his hard efforts with the most recent Big Three who are Hall of Fame bound.

You know Rondo loves Paul Pierce—and to honor the latest Cleveland Cavalier with a video would take away from Pierce’s truly great Celtic achievements.

Indeed, Pierce himself sent out word that he thought offering a video tribute to Cousin IT was done out of guilt for trading him so coldly.

If memory serves us, the Celtics also traded Pierce and Rondo for business and humanity.

Then, Rondo in his inimitable fashion went out on the floor and showed he still had that amazing passing ability, doling out assists. Some people might be infatuated with Anthony Uni-brow, wanting him in Boston, but for us, it was Rondo who was the marvel.

We miss Rondo still. We think he misses Boston.

Rajon Rondo & Malcolm Butler Kick Celtics in End

DATELINE:  Celtics Not the Patriots

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You know Malcolm Butler wants to be traded.

On the same day he signed his $3.9 million tender contract with the Patriots, he went to the Boston Celtics playoff game in town and sat behind the Celtics bench.

Followers of NBA basketball know that this has been an emotionally distressing week for the team.  Star scoring machine and tiny tot superman Isaiah Thomas has been playing despite the death of his sister in Washington state after a car accident.

The courage and determination of Thomas may serve as inspiration for most to do their job: the Belichick mantra.

Butler who has tried to orchestrate a trade out of town—and may be setting himself up for a permanent trip to nowhere else sat behind the grieving Celtics.

Butler found himself making disparaging comments to the Celtics players. What??

The Patriots have maintained a “we’re all in Boston together” attitude for years. You always expect Patriot stars to be cheerleaders for their other sports counterparts.

Butler really does want to leave town when he knocks the Celtics and sits next to them during a hideous playoff game. The only other player to do that during the game was Rajon Rondo, one-time Celtics legend, now shilling brilliantly for the Chicago Bulls as their star point guard.

Rondo looked glorious in his black Bulls outfit and creamed the Celtics with his masterful passing and near triple double.

Perhaps Butler thinks Rondo is still wearing green.

Perhaps Butler is preparing to refuse to go to the White House to meet with President Trump, set to honor the Patriots.

In the meantime, the hapless Celtics were kicked when down by a soon-to-be ex-Patriot. It’s okay, fans. An ex-Celtic is kicking the hapless Celtics into the ground too. Rondo spent the weekend walking around Boston, signing autographs and wearing prison-stripe black & white pajama bottoms to the game.

We still love Rondo even if he never goes to Patriot games anymore. We aren’t sure about Malcolm Butler.

Trade Marcus Smart Now—for Rajon Rondo

DATELINE: Bad Apples

 

Rondo Finds Love Bring Back Rondo

Once again we are considering the issue, just how smart is Marcus? After arguing with three coaches and storming off the court in the fourth quarter, Marcus Smart apparently went into the visiting locker room and put either his foot or his fist through a wall.

He has since apologized, and Coach Stevens has since said he will pay for any damage. What was he taking? A prescription medicine? Or something more direct from the bottle?

We can only say after his heartfelt apology to fans that we believe he actually wrote. Most of those institutional apologies are written by team lawyers. Nevertheless, Danny Ainge, you should be looking to trade Marcus Smart for any bag of chips you can find in Chicago.

Even in his glorious days at his spectacular worst, Rajon Rondo never reached these depths of the smart Marcus. We hear Rondo’s on the trading block and would advocate trading Smart for Rondo.

It would be like going from the fire into the frying pan, but at least Rondo knows how to cook.

How could you go wrong? One looney tune for another except we think Rondo would actually be copacetic.

After this latest incident, Brad Stevens called Smart, “Willful.” This is hardly a compliment on any scale.

When you bring back Rondo, this problem can be eliminated by making him a player/coach.

 

Ray Allen Returns to Green Time

 DATELINE: Time and Tide Goes Backwards

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With word that former Celtic Ray Allen may return to Boston for the first time in Green since 2012, the seismic register has begun to shake off the chart.

Allen left the Celtics and a two-year contract on the table for less money in Miami. He alienated Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce.  Their big three musketeers turned into three blind mice.

The real reason that Ray Allen had to leave the Celtics was Rajon Rondo. Their on court animosity was more palpable than lumps in your coffee.

Now all the evil that men do lives after them in other places.

Ray Allen is ready, at 41, to play ball with the Celtics as their grand old man.

It has sparked some talk in sports circles about the inevitability of Father Time. No, A-Rod will not show up at Fenway ready to rekindle his once-reversed contract with the Red Sox.

And, now that Tom Brady is suspended for a month of Sundays in September, we hear that Tony Eason, Steve Grogan, and Doug Flutie are warming up in the wings.

Yep, and Ted Danson is considering re-fitting himself into the Boston bar where everyone knew his name as the dumb blond guy. And, Woody Harrelson will demur.

Old age is a number—and when Manny Ramirez says he wants one more chance to drop balls in left field, we are listening.

If Donald Trump can kick babies instead of kiss them, we know our world is upside down.

Come back, Ray Allen. Rondo is dispatched, and Tom Brady is in limbo. We need your superstar status to fill up the empty pages of blogs and the vapid sports reports every evening on TV.

Can Aaron Hernandez be expecting a presidential pardon to return to the Patriots?

Bring Back Rondo!

DATELINE: NO Free Lunch for the Celtics

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Celtics fans are hemorrhaging over likelihood that Dwight Howard will liven up the parquet at the Garden. Can it be that the free agency of the NBA will cost Celtic fans their souls?

Others see it as bringing in the serpent to force Brad Stevens to take a bite of the sour apple of Sodom.

This Superman pretender has become more anathema among Green Team fans than an excommunicated priest at a boys’ club meeting.

Yet, we hold out the greatest of hope for a cure for cancer and a cure for Dwight Howard. Perhaps the elixir of life restored will come from the charms of Brad Stevens.

The Celtics coach is gaining a reputation of taking the tanked careers of desperate superstar failures and giving them a cape to wear out of the phone booth.

There is magic in the banners hanging among the Garden rafters.

Dwight Howard has met Kryptonite at every stop and worn out his welcome faster than door-to-door salesman.

After Rajon Rondo, what could be worse for the Celtics? How about signing Dwight and Rondo?  What might work better than to have the Prodigal Son return with a couple of superstars to re-live the thrilling season of 2007?

Durant, Howard, and Rondo, would be more cosmic than to see the planets align for the return of Planet X.

We are rooting for Danny Ainge to sign Kevin Durant, Dwight Howard, and Rajon Rondo. We love mad love unconditionally.

Rondo Returns from Dead for Part of a Game!

DATELINE: Rajon Rondo Superstar Back Again

We returned to the thrilling days of yesteryear by watching Rajon Rondo in Mexico City.

We never pictured Rajon as the new Fred Dobbs, but there he was in the land of Gila monsters and Federales. And he was just as crazy as ever.

Yes, our former Celtics hero of three books and countless satiric barbs has gone South West. His Sacramento team, aka Sutter’s Mill, went to Mexico in search of the treasure of Sierra Madre, but instead met the mule train of Boston Celtics.

Rondo was not wearing Goldhat’s fashionplate, nor the bandit’s sombrero, but he was clearly the bad guy in this encounter.  Last time he came to Boston, he dumped almost 30 points on his pathetic former team.

This night on the Gold Coast of Inca Land provided fans a different map to the treasure trove.

Oh, we miss Rondo. What a gold mine of satiric caricature. If he were still in Boston, we’d accuse him of causing cosmic radio waves from outer space or giving Charlie Sheen bad advice. Alas, he has left us in a teleportation act worthy of Mr. Spock.

For this night, Rondo only gave us a flash of his demeanor—oh, but what a supernova it was.

Receiving a double technical, he was tossed out of the game. His replacement counterpart, Isaiah Thomas, scored 21 against his former team, and Rondo had only 5 points.

Our Rajon was ejected for simply giving the referee his Rondolian Death Stare for five seconds. It was chilling. Brilliant. Astounding.

We then read his lips and were surprised our boy knew such language.

Oh, yes, we miss Rondo.

 

 

Rondo Faces the Hard Press

DATELINE: HARD KNOCKS on KNUCKLES

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As Senator Howard Baker used to ask President Nixon, “What did you know and when did you know it?

Rajon Rondo is not a crook, but he had to ask the media: “Am I under investigation?” But his black arm band proves there is reason to mourn. Someone killed the Boston Celtics season and buried them with the Red Sox and Patriots.

Questions bounced off him like an NBA star off a trampoline.

Yes, Rondo, the truth police don’t buy your alibi. For the first time in history, Rondo mentioned his family—which has been verboten for the past seven years. So, if the NFL or NBA offers a shield, it is hiding behind your kids.

At least no one took a switch to Rondo. He plays switchies with himself. You don’t need the Watergate plumbers to solve this scandal because there was no whitewash at the Rondo house.

Since every reporter in Boston now thinks he is Woodward or Bernstein, we would point out that Edward and Leonard were great at their jobs, but never at journalism.

Alas, poor Rondo. This new era of coming clean means you have to knuckle under.

He can thank the NFL, Aaron Hernandez, Ray Rice, and Adrian Peterson, for this plight. No rock will be left unturned, and every screw will be turned.

You may well ask, “Who killed Cock Robin? And who killed the Celtics season?”

We don’t need Sherlock, Hercule, or Columbo, to give us the answer.

Love Game, NBA Love

DATELINE: HUMOR

Rondo Finds Love

Jilted

Basketball in the NBA has returned in a big way.

Greg Oden has been arrested for punching his girlfriend, and Kevin Love has escaped to Cleveland after punching the Boston Celtics in the nose.

Can this be the end of Rajon Rondo? When Love picks King LeBron James over the princely Rondo, you have the fairy tale upside down. It’s like Maleficent has become a figure of sympathy. What? You say she already has?

If this is the bad news in August, we dread to think what pre-season will bring the Celtics.

If Love has gone to Cleveland, the Red Sox have gone to hell. And, Orpheus Cherington will not be able to retrieve them this season, and maybe not next.

Some rumors are insisting that Danny Ainge, braintrust of the Celtics, may turn again to one of his close basketball friends for a deal that can save his bacon one more time.

Kevin McHale once sent Kevin Garnett to the Celtics as a godsend, and now Ainge must call upon his pal over at the Indiana Pacers. Will Larry Bird be as generous?

We would never want to start a horse trade with Larry, one of the shrewdest men ever to play the hayseed card. But perhaps he will take pity on Danny Ainge and send some decent players back to the Celtics—like Roy Hibbert.

Unfortunately if that were the case, Rondo will not be here in the greeting game. Like Jon Lester, Rondo may be ready to make an announcement that he will consider re-signing with the Celtics after next year.

Yeah, right. Just like Paul Pierce.

Well, we’ll always have Brian Scalabrine.

Celtics Look Smart and Go Young

DATELINE: HUMOR

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Rondo Under Cone of Silence

When the Boston Celtics draft Maxwell Smart, you know he must have gone higher than 86.

We wait for the day that Smart tells Danny Ainge, “Sorry about that, Chief!”

Did anyone pull the Cone of Silence down upon the Boston Celtics before the media went wild? Yes, the media had predicted Embiid and Exum as the Boston best choices. No one had the Smarts to know how Young the Celtics would go.

Whether Marcus turns out to be a Smart-aleck or another dumbbell, only the first season will tell. In the meantime, the Celtics may be looking to see if Love will be exchanged for Smart Young players.

Marcus Smart is from Oklahoma where the corn grows as high as an elephant’s eye. Of course, someone with Smarts will point out that corn does not grow in Oklahoma, despite what Rogers and Hammerstein told us.

You don’t have to be a Smarty-pants to wonder what jersey Max will wear next season. Will the Smart money be enough to sign this outstanding young agent of change?

Smart earlier this year looked more like Metta World Peace than Cedric Maxwell. He went into the stands to go after a fan he deemed overly critical, making us wonder whether the Cone of Silence will fall on anyone in Smart’s circle if free speech is an issue.

The Smart money is on Avery Bradley having lost his job this night. A few think it means Rajon Rondo may be heading to any club where Carmelo Anthony plays next season.

If anyone thought the fireworks were over, they aren’t Smart enough to know the Fourth of July is next week.

The Next Boston Celtics Banner is Hanging at the Ready

 DATELINE: HUMOR

 surf city

                                           Kevin Garnett’s Empty Home

Go, Northeast, young men.

Horace Greeley had it backwards. Horace Greedy wants all the money he can get.

LeBron James (about to have another turnabout turncoat summer) and Carmelo Anthony (of the rolling contract like a stone) could be looking for new homes.

Did anyone tell them that Kevin Garnett’s home on Golden Pond, a stone’s throw from Walden Pond is on the market?

Did anyone tell them that Kevin Love may be here? and that the only player to give Carmelo wet dreams is Rondo the corner?

We speak of that great metropolis where Leonardo di Caprio and Jack Nicholson have made movies. We speak of the Hub of the Universe—and no, it does not mean you have to play on Mars.

Boston has a plethora of money and draft picks to spread around the NBA. So, what keeps Lebron, Love, and Carmelo, from making Boston their new hometown?

With Rondo having nightly orgasms passing his balls around, the Celtics would surely have another banner tout suite.

Already the naysayers have said nay.

How many fingers can LeBron hold up to count Boston banners for NBA championships? Does he have as many fingers as Bill Russell?

Oh, Paul Pierce is thinking about another year or two, and he too has not yet sold his palatial Boston digs. There are enough bedrooms and bathrooms to let the James and Anthony families share the accommodations.

And, Paul could live there too as a landlord who is no longer absent.

Kevin Love Center of Boston Conspiracy!

DATELINE: CONSPIRACY THEORY

 Rondo Finds Love

When Kevin Love receives a game time meeting with Rajon Rondo at Fenway Park, a postgame meeting with Gronk of the Patriots, and receives an advice tweet on living in Boston from David Ortiz, you have the sense that a conspiracy is afoot.

Kevin Love was in Boston for one weekend, but he met with everyone except the Mayor. He didn’t get the key to the city, but he may have the keys to the kingdom—or at least a luxury condo next to Tom Brady’s digs on Commonwealth Ave.

Forget UFOs hidden by the U.S. government. The Boston Celtics are involved in one of the great conspiracies of our age. They intend to pull up the Brink’s truck next to the Timberwolves and steal Kevin Love.

Whitey Bulger may have been in cahoots with the FBI as an informant, but the Boston Celtics are in cahoots with Love’s agent.

If there is to be a conspiracy, you know that the Celtics will also sign the other major client of Love’s agent. His name happens to be Paul Pierce, and he is available for a return to Boston. His massive McMansion is on the market, but not yet sold. He could share it with Kevin Love if he doesn’t sell it to Love.OBAMA & ORTIZ

Last time the Celtics stole a Timberwolf off the endangered species listings, his name was Kevin Garnett. Danny Ainge is partial to signing men named Kevin.

As far as conspiracies go, when the New England weather cooperates with Love’s weekend visit by providing ideal conditions, you know that something big is happening behind the scenes.Gronky

Rondo Finds Love at Fenway Park!

Rondo Finds Love

DATELINE: MAGIC MOMENTS

 

On a lovely Sunday watching baseballs fly around Fenway Park, the Red Sox won their sixth game in a row after a losing streak of the century.

If you want magic, then Fenway is the place to be.

And, if you want to find redemption and a home for good luck, you amble over to Fenway.

There, Rajon Rondo found the Love of his life, a center who could bring respectability back to the Celtics.

Rondo hasn’t looked this happy since Kendrick Perkins used to scowl at him at practice after their traditional breakfast together every morning.

Rumors swirled that the meeting between superstars is merely the tip of the tryst to tie the knot with the Celtics.

Love is looking everywhere for truth and beauty. He may have found it, despite the unseemly hat that Rondo wore for the occasion.

Fashionista Rajon Rondo thought he might hide in camo, but felt the vibes and headed over to Fenway where he met with the center of his dreams. It was a handshake worthy of Churchill and Truman at Pottsdam.

It might even be reminiscent of young Bill Clinton meeting JFK at the White House.

The moment has been caught for all you Hallmark fans. Rondo looks Love-struck, though Love looks bewildered, bewitched, and bothered.

Yes, Kevin Love is available and the suitors are lining up like Penelope’s admirers while Odysseus was away at war games. When the Celtics send their secret weapon to Fenway Park, you know they mean business.

Whether Love turns out to be the hero of Rondo’s rebirth, only his agent knows for sure.

After a happy weekend in Boston, Love may have found digs worthy of a champion.

 

It’s finally out! The latest collection of Ossurworld’s portraits of Rajon Rondo and the Celtics. Now the final volume of the trilogy is available at Amazon.com in softcover and ebook. Be sure to check out RAJON RONDO IN THE STAR CHAMBER!

Kevin Love Is in the Air

DATELINE: HUMOR

 LOVERLY

Wouldn’t it be loverly?

With the Red Sox facing the longest losing streak they have suffered in two years, fans are turning their lonely eyes back to the NBA draft and the Boston Celtics.

Kevin Love reportedly wants out of Minnesota. Trading for Love will mean Love’s labors will not be lost to Boston fans, according to Celtics braintruster Danny Ainge.

If lightning ever was meant to strike the same place twice, Boston is a good location for a repeat at the TD Garden. Kevin Garnett came from Minnesota half-dozen years ago to lead an instant rebuilding to championship season.

Love could mean the sorry days of waiting for a return to glory will be on the doorstep. Fans need a Love Childe. Wouoldn’t it be Loverly, especially for Rondo?

However, Garnett had two other major players as his starring chesspieces. Kevin Love in Boston would be centering Rajon Rondo with the power forwards of Jelly O’Sully, better known as Kelly Olynyk and Jared Sullinger.

Is that enough?

Well, Celtics fans will tell you that there are plenty of other draft picks in the Celts system.

All depends on the Tuesday draft position. Location, location, location, will tell the Celtics who their savior-to-be will be.

It will not do to recruit Kevin Love and trade away Kelly and Sully, or even Rondo. All must be woven in the multi-layered coat of many victories.

Love’s agent is also Paul Pierce’s agent. We should not be surprised to see a return of the native Celtics star, now toiling in Brooklyn where one growing tree is the only shade.

Signing Kevin Love means never having to say you’re sorry to fans.

Derby Time with Boston Sports Celebrities

High Hatting DATELINE: HUMOR

 

Every Kentucky Derby day, some Boston folks take the traditional derby to an extreme. In past years Tom Brady has looked smooth as Kentucky Bourbon with his friends like Wes Welker in tow.

This year is no different, but Tom has discovered the chapeau to end all sexiest man alive talk. One of his friends, Vince Wilfork, saw fit not to wear any hat, but Tom has been caught up in the Grammy-style of Pharell, whom we are told is a singer.

Bombing Tom at the Derby, also hatless, is the Hump who dumped Kim. Kris Humphries may not be a Celtic much longer, but he is a Boston celebrity stalker, going after Tom in a strange turn of the screw. Though Kentucky is Rajon Rondo’s old Kentucky home, he was not linked to Kris Humphries or Tom Brady. We cannot fathom how Rondo, a fashion maven, could by-pass a GQ’s dream scenario.

Hump & Brady

Of course, none can compare to the outrage and fashion faux pas that can be delivered only by RuPaul or Johnny Weir.

The ice-skating gossip rag subject wore a feathery outfit that lacked a boa. He was still able to call it “Macaroni,” with his chapeau.macaroni

Though we would like to have a group photo of Kris, Tom, and Johnny, their circles do not intersect in any public way.

Too bad. They have so much in common.

So Long, Rondo?

DATELINE: THE LAST SHALL BE LAST

Rondo & Ray in Happier Times

Tonight is the last gasp of the Boston Celtics this season.

Many fans are of the mind that we are seeing history fading away. Rajon Rondo may never play again in a Celtics uniform.

Though this speculation has been dancing around the courtside media for months now, it has gained traction this week.

Rondo himself has declined to sign an extension to his contract with the Boston team. Despite all the hoopla over his captaincy this season, it may mean nothing in the final analysis of trades, draft picks, and big money.

Without making much noise this season, Rondo created a sense of contentment—apart from his birthday party antics. Yet, there has been a pervading sense of doom and gloom in his quiet acceptance of a losing season.

Has Rondo been biding his time? As we recall, Jacoby Ellsbury made all the right noises about staying in Boston, but the volume became so low that only dogs and elephants in New York City could hear his true rumbles.

Rondo lost one of his best years to an injury. He won’t be 27 ever again—and that peak age would have been lost anyhow, even if he had been surrounded with his beloved Hall of Fame bound teammates. He may not want to play around youngsters in development for three more years.

Jelly O’Sully (our beloved combo of Sullinger and Olynyk) may be ready sooner than later, but Rondo is used to be big stars in full flower. He may not want to babysit players who are half a dozen years his junior.

Tonight in mid-April, after cold spell, could be the Last Dance of Rajon Rondo. It may be the Last Train to Clarksville, or the Last Exit to Brooklyn.

Fans may want to drink the Last of the Wine because the last Celtics game for Rondo may be upon us.