By Any Other Name, President-Elect

Club Elect

 DATELINE: Un-Elected Dis-Elected 

Now that the Electoral College has voted, let’s call a spade a spade.  Joe Biden is President-Elect.

If our logic is correct, that makes the present occupant of the Oval Office the President-Unelect. It seems we have too many presidents buzzing around. If you count all those deadbeats who gather together in a little club, you have five or six others too.

They have been unelected for years, but show up for historic photos now and then, all smiling and friendly. Well, that’s about to end. One new member of the Un-elected President Club will surely be black-balled from the White House.

Trump has already been disinvited from funerals and other functions that, like Groucho Marx, he won’t attend with other presidents that will have him as a member.

Trump has not invited the latest President-Elect to the White House, and the other President-Unelecteds have also stopped coming around for photo oops.

Sen.-Diselect Lindsay Graham has now claimed he will not call the President-Elect by that title, but will refer to him as Just Joe. It seems a bit unjust, Joe.

By Jan. 20th, Graham will be called Mudd when President Un-Elect Trump will be in Florida, helping Ivanka prepare to run for the next President-Elect job.

None of this should confuse you when it comes to the role of Attorney General, which is now Dis-Barred.

Mr. Brady Doesn’t Go to Washington

 DATELINE: DEFLATED WHITE HOUSE

 Featured image

Stephen A. Smith is upset. He is paid to find a reason to show indignation. This weekend Tom Brady gave him a reason.

Smith suggests that Brady is a Republican racist who hates President Obama. Yes, he has gleaned this morsel out of the star QB’s reluctance to enjoin with another NFL mandated tradition, the photo op.

In a year that the NFL has had more black eyes than the singing Peas, Tom Brady refused to make nice and show up at his fourth presidential jokefest. Yeah, where Mr. Obama made an egregiously unfunny comment about Deflategate.

We see why Stephen A. Smith is defensive. Tom is supposed to be a bigger man, a legend, a potential statesman, and he must overlook all slights.

The White House made earlier disparaging comments about Brady and the Patriots—and now, obsequious politicians are now turning worms. Tom has refused to turn the screw.

He was out looking at Apple watches after taking his dog to be bathed at the local dog hair stylist.

Who said family values are always high toned?

The younger Kraft had scheduled elective surgery for that day—and Obama wasn’t the President he wanted elected. So he was not there too, Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith has not gone to Washington to meet Mr. Obama, but he would in a flash if security would let him in. Alas, the semi-Secret Service has some standards.

Those who never won a Super Bowl and never expect to again were there. Thank heavens these events are not self-serving.

Ortiz and His Selfish Selfie

DATELINE: PAID HUMOR

 OBAMA & ORTIZ

The White House, on behalf of President Obama, has expressed righteous indignation that the naturalized citizen and Red Sox heavyweight named David Ortiz would stoop to use of the President of the United States for marketing stunts.

Mr. Obama cheerily posed for a selfie photo taken by Big Papi, but later we learned that Ortiz is on the payroll of Samsung—and they had brainstormed with Ortiz for something to come out of the White House visit of the Red Sox to honor them.

There is no honor in selling yourself, David.

Ortiz sold the POTUS down the river for a camera. He has now cheapened the attempt by the White House to cash in on another championship team.

It would seem everyone has muddy motives in this caper.

Showing up the President as an unwitting pawn is usually something only Vladimir Putin accomplishes. Nice work, Big Papi.

Ortiz noted that he was inspired at the opportunity, but had not conspired to find a moment to snap Mr. Obama with the free camera.

Papi likely thinks he can do anything with impunity. We suspect that the next time he drops an F-bomb on national television, the FCC will not turn their cheek.

Ortiz studied to become an American citizen several years ago. He has learned that profit and overblown salaries come to the squeaky wheel. Whether he will continue to be a hero in the eyes of fans is a consummation devoutly to be followed.

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. Some people have been elected to high office, and others have cajoled owners into paying for a pig in a poke.

 

Fans may want to read all about the Boston team in the hilarious book, RED SOX 2013: NAKED CAME THE LINEUP. It’s available for smart readers on Amazon.com.

Red Sox Cruise on the Good Ship Lollipop

DATELINE: NEW YEAR OF HUMOR!

gilda meets kane

Fans On Board the Good Ship Red Sox

The Good Ship Lollipop sets sail for the year after winning it all. First stop is the place where Francis Scott Key sounded the anthem played before every game.

This time the Red Sox will also make a pitstop at the White House where the current occupant is a fan of the Other Sox from Chicago.

We don’t expect any embarrassing absenteeism, as befitted the Boston Bruins a few years ago when one goalie couldn’t stomach taking an honor from the Commander in Chief.

Baltimore may not be much competition this year, but that’s what they said about the Red Sox last year. It was the place Edgar Allen Poe went to escape from Boston.

Whether the Red Sox will be quoting, “Nevermore,” from the “Raven” or “gave proof through the night,” from the “Star Spangled Banner,” one opening day game will not tell.

We reserve the right to be optimistic for the first week of the season. Our metaphoric whipping boy and part-time albatross Jacoby Ellsbury has turned pinstripes into gold.

Today we have Size on our side. Yes, Grady ‘Where’s my camera?’ Sizemore has not been snapping anything we have seen in the bathroom lately. Instead, he has inspired us with his centered fielding and hitting.

We know that, once Big Papi, has digested the numbers, he will have a stomach upset to learn that Miguel Cabrera just signed a contract for twice as much as Ortiz receives in a year.

Jon Lester will start the opening game for a fourth time despite being without a contract extension. We want to extend our sympathies to him.

The waters have been smooth and chop free for the Good Ship Lollipop this spring training, and we think they will sail like it is regatta time on the Charles for the time being.

The first port of entry: the White House on Tuesday.

 

For the sentimental fans that want to bask in 2013’s World Series Champs, we offer RED SOX 2013: NAKED CAME THE LINEUP for your delectation. Available at Amazon.com.