Is It Real??? or Just Another Movie!*

realkindlecover cover pictures include real and fake!

DATELINE:  New Book of Movie Reviews

Ossurworld wants to announce that a collection of reviews and commentaries on documentaries, docudramas, and biopics, is now available on Amazon.com for discerning movie fans and smart readers.

If Pontius Pilate asked, “What is truth?” he’d be accused today of being a fake news critic…We have mixed up the real documentaries with those based on a true story in this compendium. You likely can guess when you have a real documentary on your hands, but not always. Sometimes it’s a biopic, or a docudrama, or just speculative facts and opinion. Sometimes the film is a masterpiece, and sometimes it’s just another movie.

We are sure that Ossurworld will start giving these away with a set of dishes sometime in the future. We think these reviews are swell, sometimes even funny. We hope you will too.

*Includes a few TV reviews.

 

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Move Over, Thurber!

Dumb America 

Cheap Jokes for Sale!

Our whimsical tone has reached its nadir.

Humor may be the nectar of the gods, but there are no jokes in the Nazcar Lines in Peru.

Too often we confuse drollery with foppery.

Readers are becoming lost in our malapropisms. And we have bitten off too much biting irony.

We have buried the Celtics in a shroud of parody in the cellar of the NBA. We know where the bodies are buried, and good taste has never stopped us from two-bit satire.

We have dubbed the Red Sox the Good Ship Lollipop and sucked a lemon.

We have been scrooged by the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick.

Sports fans have never met a burlesque they didn’t attribute to rival teams.

We admire the athletes who hold press conferences after games they lose and do stand up monologues with monosyllabic answers in monotones.

Our best lines are always self-deprecating.

There is nothing funny about sports to real fans, and they let us know it with blue jokes abounding.

We have found more screwball humor in baseball than any other sport. We have painted the Celtics green around the gills, and our Patriots have seen too many lanterns in the church steeple.

We reserve our slapstick jokes for slapshot hockey players.

When you want the very best in humor, give Ossurworld a shout.

Want cheap jokes? Inquire within where you will find dumb puns, off-kilter literary references, and dizzying gallows humor.

We average twelve one-liners per blog and have the most dense, cram-packed, joke-to-joke ratio this side of TMZ.

Yet, we are the most understood of all writers: we are the epitome of whimsy.

NBA Bans Lebron’s New Identity

 DATELINE: Man without a Face

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Sincerely yours, Lebron

The NBA has banned the mask of Dimitrios Lebron. The gutless NBA cannot stand anything original.

For the basketball league, the chosen disguise of Lebron James has become the Masque of Red Death.

The NBA fears ridicule. This is fairly amusing in itself when you consider their bad referees, history of cheaters, and gun-toting thugs.

Lebron James has been ordered never again to don the mask of infamy.  Only the NBA could remove the mask of the Lone Ranger, expose the identity of Batman, and forbid Lebron James from his stylish facial foppery. Our own mask (thanks to the Elephant Man) has given us renewed courage and confidence.Image

Yours truly, Ossurworld

If James had an ounce of courage, he’d withstand the fines and continue to wear his newly forged identity. It may be the first action that could actually make him popular.

Casting the mask into the pit of hell by the new basketball commissioner (what’s his name) may turn out to be the first act of a man destined to become a laughingstock.

It’s fairly hard to turn Lebron into a figure of sympathy and pity, but the NBA never fails to demean their own sport with petty rules.

If you think Lebron makes an echo of Michael Myers from Halloween, you are up there with NBA logic. Had Lebron done his mask in white, you’d see echoes of the Phantom of the Opera, which would be too high-brow for the NBA.

By surrendering his mask for a pre-approval plastic one chosen by the league, Lebron James has gone from being a fun figure to Darth Vader yet again.