NFL Lets Black Cat Suffer Indignity

NFL Lets Black Cat Suffer Indignity

Black cats have a long tradition of being associated with bad luck—and worse, curses from supernatural purveyors of magic.

So, when a black cat mysteriously started darting across the NFL game field in New Jersey when the Cowboys played the Giants, it became a focal point of attention. The game was secondary—and stopped.

Security guards, state police, and stadium staff would be hard-pressed to catch a cat, especially a black one just a few days after the Day of the Dead in Mexico.

You may well think this was an emissary from across the border to lay a comment on Trump’s immigration policy. Commentators at the game thought it was meant to put ill-fortune on the steps of the Cowboys.

The bewildered feline did not simply arrive like a UFO on the playing field. In one of the cruelest jokes of animal abuse, someone let the animal loose during the game.

This cat clearly had been smuggled into the game to create a moment of chaos on national television.

The unfortunate animal stopped running in one direction—and went in the other, looking for an escape while tens of thousands of fans made deafening noise.

You had a sense of why the public conducted the Salem Witch Trials in this microcosm of public fervor. You had a sense as to why sadistic practices involving black cats is commonplace even today.

The cat finally ran to a runway, as no one dared to pick him up or cart him off the field.

This was all thought to be in good fun, but we were in our satirical mode, less than charmed by the action and reaction.

No one has been charged with a crime, and no one may ever be held accountable. Someone’s pet cat was stolen, brought to a venue unfamiliar and released. It is another example of a mentality that is not funny and not kind.

Goodell Cooks Data Again in NFL Pot

 DATELINE:  Commissioner Moriarty

Goodellfather

Every billionaire’s favorite mouthpiece, Roger Goodell, was at it again, at his usual press announcement bully pulpit

Goodell boasted, according to his cooked stats, that crime in the NFL is way down over the past three years. Yes, indeed, the number of child abusing, wife beating, gun toting, drunk driving players has been cut down to a mere 31 arrests this year. That is almost an average of one per team.

Not one mealy mouthed sports journalist dared to ask if that number included crimes like cheating, deflating footballs, or destroying evidence. Goodell kept that number down this year by refusing to acknowledge the Steelers deflated footballs against the Giants a few weeks ago.

The data did not include whether or not millionaire players had an incentive of a grandiose paycheck as their motivation to play nice.

Nor did Goodell answer the question of whether the NFL takes any responsibility for former, retired players who are involved in shootings, suicides, and domestic violence.

We want to know if the intelligence test scores of players, the notorious Wonderlick score taken at the annual Combine, revealed a corresponding decrease in intelligence among players. Nor did Goodell discuss the mental health clinic enrollees among the NFL players.

Goodell did not say whether his own moral duplicity, hypocrisy, and shady dealings, were included in NFL crime data.

Thank heavens that unsportsmanlike conduct is not a crime.

Debatable Deflatable Rafts Required in NFL

 DATELINE:  Nowheresville

The NFL has missed the boat again.

They plan to sack Tom Brady for four games the same week that Johnny Boyziel, erstwhile QB of Nowheresville, has been indicted by a Dallas grand jury for assault.

Breaking the eardrum of a woman is considered less serious than breaking the social media instrument of a smartphone in the eyes of Roger Goodell.  Does this guy have a clue?

Goodell has set a legal precedent that is medieval—and was given his magna carte blanche by the NFLPA, since idiocy knows every boardroom in football.

All those steroids have taken a toll on the commish. When you’re an aging jock with a penis envy for the players you control, you tend not to keep your eye on the sparrow. You are looking crotch-level.

The only way for Goodell to save the game of football from another season of round-the-clock Deflate-gate horror stories is to pardon Tom Brady immediately.

Alas, accepting pardon means admitting guilt. We doubt that Brady will jump at that chance. Instead, the chess game will up the ante in the direction of the U.S. Supreme Court.

How do you spell defamation of character when the hashtag is Antitrust?

Billionaire owners may think they are swatting at horseflies, but skip to my loo, darling, your NFL is heading to the loo.

Despite all the wishes and hopes of billion dollar waving owners, this catastrophe is not going away. Tom Brady will see you in court, again, Roger.

 

 

NFL as Racketeers

DATELINE: Crooks in the Draft

 

The NFL, and Roger Goodell in particular, has now been accused of violating the RICO laws.

Angry fans are turning on the vaunted NFL where they want to stand above the law, the rights of the individual, and above tsars, caesars, and Kaisers. Yes, Roger Goodell is in a class by himself.

Empires rise and fall with tyrants, and a suit filed in Boston now has put Roger Goodell in the austere company of Caligula, Ivan the Terrible, and Al Capone.

Charging that they have lost sleep, fans are incensed. Imagine how angry they’d be if they lost draft picks or a million bucks—or even were suspended for four games, not allowed to watch NFL football for a month on Sundays.

Being imperious and smug, the NFL does not deign to address angry fans. Let them eat cake and hot dogs.

Goodell is being hanged on a petard once made law by his Deflategate predecessor, Richard Nixon who gave you Watergate.

Racketter Influenced and Corrupt Organizations include the Mafia. So, the NFL is in the company of a pack of wolves. If Roger Goodell’s salary of $40million per year is deemed racketeering, he must forfeit the money. Since he did little to earn it, that seems fair.

Has the NFL created a shell corporation that has absconded with the Patriots draft picks and their money? We would fill a stadium with hooting fans if the U.S. Attorney seized the NFL assets.

Rather than face RICO charges, many crooks plead guilty to something less severe—like tax evasion.

We can only hope that the lawsuit finds merit among the courts.

 

Patriots Should Be Paranoid about NFL

DATELINE: Inmates Running the Asylum

 

Featured imageBugs on Jets: to a Louse

Patriot fans can only become so rabid when the Jets are mentioned.

Now the Jets have raised the ante—and there may not be enough ill will in the tank to match their vitriol with the proper level of hostility.

We have heard the confirmed rumors that the Jets called the NFL headquarters prior to their game with the Patriots to express fears that those pesky Pats were cheating again.

Yes, the NFL, happy to embarrass the Krafts and Patriots, sent their top dog investigators to sweep the visiting locker room for bugs. They would have better luck if they checked the Jets sleeping accommodations for bedbugs. The Jets have more bats in the belfry than bugs in the locker room.

The Jets are more buggered than bugged.

The Jets felt their game would be derailed by listening devices in the locker room, stealing their game plan. Having seen how they played, no team would want their game plan.

It is a sign of the times that the Patriots now believe they are being set up by other teams and the NFL. You aren’t paranoid when they really are out to get you.

In this case, Roger Goodell’s goons and his Gestapo of former Jets in administrative positions are furious that the Pats won in the court room, and made the NFL look like the morons they actually are.

There is no victory in humiliating an idiot because he does not learn his lesson—ever. The Patriots have mortified Goodell to no satisfaction.

So, now we are faced with a great war—with the NFL and the most hated of rivals. These idiots of the gridiron will do whatever it takes to undermine their own game. If anyone is cable of killing their own golden goose, it is Goodell’s goose-steppers.

Brady’s Hired Gun Coming to Town

 DATELINE: Ominous Clouds for NFL

Featured image Goodell Faces Kessler

If the NFL thought they had the best hired gun in sports law with Ted Wells, the angry lawyer for Roger Goodell may be about to find out he should leave town immediately.

Tom Brady is going for the big guns. He has hired Jeffrey L. Kessler to represent him.

This means Brady is going for the jugular and going for more than overturning his suspension. He plans to dismantle the career of Roger Goodell piece by piece.

The Commissioner is about to take on his new role as Richard III, looking for a horse in exchange for the NFL. Alas, Brady’s new mouthpiece is hired gun Jeffrey L. Kessler.

Kessler will likely have all the available horses rounded up before Goodell can find one.

Kessler is the foremost antitrust lawyer in the country.

This is what is called an uh-oh moment for the NFL. Kessler has taken on the NFL, the NBA, and MLB, and won in all cases. He was the man responsible for overturning Latrell Sprewell’s suspension for going into the stands and beating up fans.

Imagine what Kessler will do when he is defending the NFL version of Mother Teresa! Brady will come across as Apollo bringing truth and beauty to America’s youth.

Kessler also defended Belichick against the New York Jets back in the day. Do you think Tom has consulted Belichick and Kraft on this matter?

Commissioner Goodell needs an arbitrator of impeccable credentials to handle this appeal by Brady. No one in his right mind will take the job, leaving it to Goodell himself: a recipe for disaster.

Kessler will likely lick his chops at Ted Wells, who is already imploding over charges that he is a money-seeking hack who did a bag job. After Kessler is done, Wells will go far.

Brady’s Appeal to Public Opinion

 DATELINE: Banana Appeal Humor

Featured image

Within three days Tom Brady must file an official appeal to Roger Goodell, or his lack of a request means he accepts the injustice meted out. If this were sex appeal, Brady would be all over it.

Oh, there will be an appeal—and more. This is more like a banana peel. It will be slippery.

Fans are already demanding that the Super Bowl victory celebration be postponed until Tom Brady is present.

It is hard to see Roger Goodell coming to Gillette Stadium in early September for a ceremony in which fans will storm the field and chase him out of town with tar and feathers.

Since the Commissioner has now disdained the Patriots, why would he come to Foxboro to raise a banner? Who would welcome him after he and his office have dismissed the success as a result of cheating?

Now we realize the Patriots should have boycotted the White House until Brady could be present. Now we realize that Obama’s Deflategate jokes stink to high heaven.

Tom Brady must avoid any and all NFL functions hereafter. He must lead fans in their indignation that, if there is now a rule about Deflation, the NFL must mete out its authority with fairness to all.

The attorney of Brady, Don Yee, must file a lawsuit in federal court, charging the NFL with racketeering—and Roger Goodell with character assassination.

Without a day in court, Tom Brady has been defamed, a man deemed guilty without benefit of trial or proof. He has been found guilty of more probably than not wanting his footballs lighter than 12psi.

The NFL has thrown up a brick at the free throw line.

 

 

Mr. Brady Doesn’t Go to Washington

 DATELINE: DEFLATED WHITE HOUSE

 Featured image

Stephen A. Smith is upset. He is paid to find a reason to show indignation. This weekend Tom Brady gave him a reason.

Smith suggests that Brady is a Republican racist who hates President Obama. Yes, he has gleaned this morsel out of the star QB’s reluctance to enjoin with another NFL mandated tradition, the photo op.

In a year that the NFL has had more black eyes than the singing Peas, Tom Brady refused to make nice and show up at his fourth presidential jokefest. Yeah, where Mr. Obama made an egregiously unfunny comment about Deflategate.

We see why Stephen A. Smith is defensive. Tom is supposed to be a bigger man, a legend, a potential statesman, and he must overlook all slights.

The White House made earlier disparaging comments about Brady and the Patriots—and now, obsequious politicians are now turning worms. Tom has refused to turn the screw.

He was out looking at Apple watches after taking his dog to be bathed at the local dog hair stylist.

Who said family values are always high toned?

The younger Kraft had scheduled elective surgery for that day—and Obama wasn’t the President he wanted elected. So he was not there too, Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith has not gone to Washington to meet Mr. Obama, but he would in a flash if security would let him in. Alas, the semi-Secret Service has some standards.

Those who never won a Super Bowl and never expect to again were there. Thank heavens these events are not self-serving.

Athletes Who Are Gay for Pay

DATELINE: HUMOR!

Rumors circulate that an active gay player will come charging out of his closet in the NFL locker room. He cannot be penalized with a charging call because this is not the NHL.

We presume that an active player may be more interesting than a passive gay player coming out.

If the man in question is a footballer, then we cannot say definitively that he is either a catcher or pitcher.

Gay players usually wait till their playing days are over before they play the field in the media.

Some experts insist this announcement of sexuality will be a brave act, while others may think being gay for pay is actually a fairly calculated arrangement.

We cannot say whether the player will be a top man or a bottom man, in terms of his position in the lineup. This player will not appear in any lineup, not being in MLB.

He won’t be a size queen playing with big balls as if he were in the NBA, where playing down low is an art form.

He won’t be behind the plate or even behind the candelabra. He won’t be wearing a facemask, nor a face guard.

We aren’t sure whether he will be fluent in Greek or French.

For our part, we keep wondering how many times a player has been asked if he is married or single. Why would anyone care what the proclivities of the athlete may be?

Yet, this issue continues to dominate the media instead of questions about the quality of the player’s game.

 

There are always those who will use their position as a professional athlete as a bully pulpit, ostensibly to further along a supported issue.

Yet, we are left with the nagging feeling that the main reason to come out on any issue is to gain that attention leading to endorsements, pay raises, or just plain spotlight hugging.