REAL VAMPIRES?

Unfortunate Victim Exhumed

DATELINE: Monsterquest Tries Too Hard

The Gold Standard of monster investigations is, of course, the series Monsterquest. So, when they chose to coincide Halloween with an examination of vampires, we were ready to dig in.

As the show is always attempting to find a fresh angle, the episode does not mention Dracula for almost fifteen minutes.

They do tell us about a strange burial or re-burial in one of the leading spots of vampires in America: New England. That surprised us, but to learn that the bones of a suspected vampire are now kept in government archives was even more interesting.

 

A couple of aficionados of the vampire lore want to see what was going on in Willington, CT, 200 years ago that led to a spate of vampire reports. They also note that Bram Stoker too had a clipping of vampire story out of the New England archives to help him with writing his Dracula tale.

Since it will take longer than the show can wait, we never find out if the bodies they suspect will be exhumed or if family will allow this. Another dead end.

Monsterquest contends that vampires are a love-hate fascination with immortality.

 

A great deal of effort is put into finding “unmarked graves” that could harbor people who died of consumption (TB) and were thought to be vampiric. There may be many reasons why family members are buried without markers, but the theory here is vampirism.

 

While claiming to attempt to prove vampires exist, the show examines several murderers who believed their vampire character allowed them to live outside law. There is almost a kind of sympathy for these creatures, according to witnesses.

 

There is also an emphasis on “psychic vampires” who simply take electro-magnetic energy from others to gain strength.

 

What we have here is another example of a bad episode more than any serious insight. Monsterquest keeps its track record of having every other episode be a doozy.

 

 

 

 

 

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Colossal or Giant Squid

DATELINE: Deep Sea Denizen

How can anyone ever forget the great Lord Laurence Olivier playing Zeus in Clash of the Titans?  In one hilarious moment, he yelled out, as only he could, “Release the kraken!”

Good heavens, now decades later, Monsterquest  has indeed released the Kraken, a legendary god of the Deep Blue Sea. We have been accused often of being Kraken in Der Head. Now we have Kraken on the brain.

If you like your fishy monsters with a pedigree, the Kraken is your sea creature. Alas, Monsterquest  is after the Humboldt Squid: still a voracious, muscular, omonster of the deep. Never seen, but theorized to be a hundred feet in length, they have populated Jules Verne novels, but have remained science fiction mostly.

Now, there will be an attempt to prove they live in the depths and never surface. They will eat anything, including you.

This latest episode is an update of a 2006 show that captured a giant squid on camera for the first time. The 2019 version featured Scott Cassell, the same expert, whose blonde hair is now snowy white. The cute researchers are now long in the tooth, and the latest Monsterquest team is basically a new batch of thrill-seekers.

What else can you say about guys who don’t mind being attacked by angry squid. One complains, there must be an easier way to make a living—but they’d never go for it.

There is, he contends, as many giant and colossal squid (the 100 feet long ones) as there are people on earth, but they are so deep in the oceans they are never seen.

If anything comes out of this show, it is the idea that 1000 years ago these things were called Kraken—and they are highly intelligent and observant!  That may be enough to say, leave them alone.

 

 

Hunt for Real Dragons!

NOT MYSTERYQUEST, BUT MONSTERQUEST

DATELINE: Monsterquest Provides More Thrills

These lizards that once topped 40 feet, or the size of a bus, have been gone for 40,000 years according to some experts. However, on Monsterquest, in Australia, there have been sightings of monster dragons (monitor lizards?) that run at least 20 feet in length back in 1890. It was hunted and disappeared.

On Monsterquest, there is no such thing as extinction.

Today there are reports growing that something at least that big is in southern Australia. Since the habitat of these creatures was in tradition around the equator (northern Australia), they have moved increasingly south.

WE don’t expect to see one parading around in Central Park, but knowing what is in the Everglades, we wouldn’t be surprised. Footprints have been found that rival anything of Bigfoot near Alice Springs.

You’d have to accept the notion that alligators and great white sharks both grow to 20 feet normally. So, a monitor lizard of that size should not surprise. We did learn that lizards grow all through their lives, and only death stops that size.

So, your sprinting lizard could catch and rip a human apart easily. No comfort there. Aboriginal reports put the lizard at 10,000 years ago after the Ice Age. Could they survive in bush country?

Mysteryquestassembles a team of cryptozoologists (people without a degree or academic standing). The braver and younger team is in Indonesia at Komodo Island where a child was killed by a big dragon several years ago. These guys use a stick and rope to catch a dragon and measure it. They find several nine feet long, but the Australian team is smaller, older, and less lucky.

These creatures have saliva that contains fifty kinds of toxins that cause sepsis quickly, though one Smithsonian expert notes that if they bite something, it comes off.

Once again, Monsterquest has a solid episode without much result, but plenty of information and intrigue. As for the footprint, one museum expert with real credentials said it was too symmetrical and looked like it was artificially created.

If there was a truly disturbing moment, it was when the show switched to a commercial with that Australian lizard who sells insurance. Talk about frightening. 

Monsterquest Looks at Chupacabra

DATELINE: Or is that Chupalabera?

 Specimen, dead thankfully.

Are you a dog or a cat?  Perhaps you are some kind of hybrid species from interbreeding creatures.

The Chubacupla, or is that Chupacabra, is examined in two locations by the series: Texas and Puerto Rico. It seems that an island is a hard place to reach, meaning it was brought there. These creatures are somewhat similar and are bloodsucking killers who have a thirst, but do not eat flesh.

They are also fearless of people, which is disconcerting.

The Monsterquest team is a wildlife expert and a cryptozoologist who tends to wear all black leather (of course). They make a good team, going out in Texas with bait, infra-red cameras, and nerves of steel. Of course, as expected, one of the key cameras malfunctions, denying us an image.

Puerto Ricans have been seeing the creature for 25 years, and it seems to have come out of hibernation after bad hurricane devastation.

The animals in Texas seem to be covering hundreds of miles, but all share similar DNA and hair follicles.

Locals have shot these things and kept samples of hair, skin, and teeth, that are sent to university scientists. The result is something akin to canine, but likely an interbred wolf, fox, coyote, and hairless dog, or they are likely suffering from mange.

Whatever is out there seems to belong to a growing population. And, we suspect that it won’t be long before we see these creatures in other parts of the nation.

More meat than usual, more results than usual, and the same crypto-questions remain. This was one of the series’ good entries.

 

 

 

Dangerous Primates: Monsterous!

DATELINE: Not Man.

BigChimp

When we saw the title, our thought; the most dangerous primates are members of the Monsterquest  investigation team.

You might think the most dangerous primate on Earth is humans, but actually there are many chimpanzees here in captivity as pets. Their insane tantrums are well-documented, andMonsterquestexamines the problem of these dangerous creatures who can grow to the size of an adult male.

They can be quite unpleasant and unruly, ripping people apart ruthlessly in a fit of anger. Monsterquest  gruesomely documents this in the latest episode.

Horrific photos, seen by us for the first time, of a victim in Connecticut showed the poor woman who survived with a face transplant, no hands, and blind, from the attack.

Half the states in the US allow chimpanzees as pets. And, Florida, of course, has had over 70 sightings of wild roving chimps in the swamps. Speculation centers on released or escaped primates. Once again, Florida is the place where nature is allowed to run wild and old folks are in constant danger. Not crocs, chimps. Dr. Hogan Sherrow seems knowledgeable enough, but he’s left back in the swamps.

One chimp escaped in California, and his owners were frantic to find him as they had raised him since he was a baby: speculation was that he could not survive in the wilds because he was 42 years old.

There is not much evidence during the Monsterquest investigation, though they find just about every other wild animal in Florida. Abruptly, they switch to the Pacific and Vancouver Island where there are reports of extremely large primates. They sound exactly like Bigfoot.

Clever enough,Monsterquest experts describe the Bigfoot and never uses the word for the remainder of the show, but we felt more than a little miffed that this has evolved, yet again, into another Bigfoot episode.

You hae the usual reports of smell, hostility to campers, and the odd footprint. Yup, this is Bigfoot territory. A promising episode turns out to be old hat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deadly Jellyfish

DATELINE: Hold the Monsterquest

Peanut Butter

 

Something is happening in the warmed-up oceans, especially off Japan and Australia. There has been a proliferation of jellyfish, and Monsterquest is here to alarm you.

The problem is that they also point out jellyfish breakouts in Massachusetts, Ireland, and other diverse spots across the globe in 2020. Blame it on pollution or global warming, but jellyfish proliferate in water that has less oxygen. And worse yet, they are growing bigger and bigger.

Some jellyfish are bigger than man, and they tend to clump together and can damage the water filtration systems of nuclear power plants. Their tentacles can reach dozens of feet on the bigger ones—and they are loaded with the stuff you don’t want to feel.

The deadly species are the box jellyfish, and they can kill you within three minutes:  heart attacks are their modus operandi.

Jellyfish, according to experts, do not have brains. They are transparent, but don’t be fooled, they do think and can see you. No one is sure how they do it. We know mammals that have brains and you can’t see their intelligence, so the jellyfish may be the next step in evolution.

The Monsterquest team again is sent out to do dumb things, and the experts now wear full-face protection. A sting from a non-lethal jellyfish can leave painful welts for months. Giant jellyfish are not something we want clogging the oceans or coming into beaches.

Oh, they hate desalinated water, and heavy rains will force them out into deep waters.

These guys are diving near a cyclonic storm to add to the suspense. Like most Monsterquest  teams, they seem to revel in acting like they lack brains.

This hour passed uncomfortably quickly, but this was a dynamic episode of the series.

Monster Cats

DATELINE: Monsterquest After Tweety Pie’s Nemesis!

  Not a Puddy Tat.

What’s new, Pussycat? We hate to be catty, but the latest episode of the monster search series is purrfect.

Monsterquest  had a bad Bigfoot problem, but is back on the winning track with its study of mysterious big cats in areas where they have been eradicated for over 100 years.  These are not your average puddy tats, Tweety Bird.

Yet, 25 miles north of New York City, a variety of black cat sightings leads the Monsterquest investigation to look for evidence. It does not take long to find claw marks and footprints. With abundant deer to hunt, the experts believe that a black leopard is likely there.

Many witnesses have reported seeing black cats, leopards or jaguars, not native to the area, cavorting the woods. Attacks are growing more frequent with people keeping even 400-pounds cats in their apartments!

Armed with a DNA gun to extract a sample, they plan to use nightfall and infra-red cameras to locate the feline beasts. Good luck with that.

Other initiatives include revealing that six states in the US allow dangerous cats as pets. These monsters often can escape or are let loose when too big. They are particularly dangerous because of in-breeding.

The series reveals that DNA of caged cats indicate that these animals are more dangerous than those raised in the wild.

There is a passing reference to koo-koo bird people as seen in Tiger King, who keep these tigers and lions as pets. Roy and Siegfried learned their lesson in 2004 when one of their Las Vegas cats turned on them and paralyzed, nearly killing Roy.

With an investigation outside a major urban area, this show certainly could be called unnerving.

 

 

 

 

Off on the Wrong Bigfoot?

 DATELINE: Not Again?

Topless Bigfoot.

You cannot expect originality all the time, so with its recent reincarnation, Monsterquestreturns to the thrilling days of Bigfoot. Yes, we are back to Sasquatch, Yeti, and all things worn out by fakes, re-enactments, and grainy old photos. The show takes on Bigfoot, again, for all you déjà vuenthusiasts.

This may be a cannibalized show, taking from other recent Bigfoot studies. There are some newer bits of information, like there have been 50,000 Bigfoot, Yeti, etc.,sightings.

The Native American folklore begins to resemble modern American folklore:  You should never look Bigfoot directly into the eyes because it sets him into a rage. We have heard recently the same said about Ellen DeGeneris.

They also recommend that you do not whistle at night in the woods. This is not quite the same as a dog whistle from President Trump, but it can get you into trouble.

The FBI has also broken its rule and taken on testing some evidence considered Bigfoot DNA. They have tax-payer money to burn, and they report in 2019 that the DNA is apparently belonging to deer. Oh, dear.

The same can be said about hairs that test as elk or deer, and recorded noises are thought to be coyote or elk.  Our Monsterquest  tteam of experts finds nothing, but as usual, they are undaunted. Never inter the remains of a cryptozoologist.

We found most intriguing the notion that Bigfoot, like your gray aliens, is being accused of abducting people. Mostly, they abduct men, not women. We presume this is because they run into more men in the woods, unless there is another element we are missing.

A few scientists conclude he once existed, but is now extinct.

 

Speaking of which, there are no reports of missing time associated with Bigfoot, unless you count the 1000 years of cave painting and rock carvings.

 

All in all, we were left where we were at the start of the hour-long show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monster Quest Returns

DATELINE: Favorite Back After Hiatus

“Serpentine Creatures,”  is the new special from the old classic series Monsterquest  that concluded its four-year run a few seasons ago. You can’t keep a good monster down, unless he is hiding under water.

Since Loch Ness has been done to death and debunk, the show moves on to other copycat sea creatures that have become landlocked in lakes since the dawn of prehistory.

We always liked the old series that took a serious attempt to uncover the stories behind some outlandish reports. And, now it has returned for a limited time on History Channel. Catch it for a mesmerizing few shows.

To investigate newer phenomena, the show does a ping-pong between the two coasts of Canada, ignorning Nessie and Champie entirely. We are given relatively new information about Ogopogo in British Columbia and Cressie in Newfoundland.

The theory espoused by more reputable scientists, not those who call themselves crypto-scientists, is that these are giant eels about twenty or thirty feet in length—and still ferocious.

Ogopogo is highly active with a half-dozen sightings every year still—and the show’s producers think their best chance to catch something is here. At least one expert wants to extract a tissue sample for DNA. Good luck, there.

Perhaps the best expert is author Arlene Gaal who has written three books on the subject and sounds down-to-earth and reputable.

The Monsterquest teams seem highly inept. They know what they are supposed to do, but helicopters do not arrive when called—and divers mysteriously go silent in the deep. Perhaps it is part of fake suspense for the audience, but the real result is sheer contempt for the half-baked efforts.

Oh, nothing is found—but they promise to return because you know there is a creature hiding there in the underwater caves and sinkholes. And, yes, we will likely return to watch again.