Fatima Revisited

DATELINE: New Movie Story

 Witnesses.

With another miracle at Fatima movie now released with a devout perspective for the religious followers, there seems to be a danger of facing a buzzsaw when you take on the topic with any skepticism. Fatima again tells the story of three children who experienced some kind of paranormal visitation from a beautiful lady in the sky during World War I.

We never flinch when hacksaws come at us. A few years ago, another documentary, was produced by the multi-million-dollar organization behind the Fatima story for 50 years, came up with a semi-doc something called A Message of Hope.  It wants to be an antidote to the recent Ancient Alien view that Fatima was another UFO encounter.

The original story of three children seeing the Virgin Mary in Portugal in the middle of World War I has been never fully told. Most people think a big crowd one day saw something in the sky. It was much, much more. The sightings were regular.

Actually, the children had visions for over a year: including a bunch with a male angel who gave them a bloody host literally to eat and drink the blood of Christ.

You might dismiss this as peasant-level superstition in farm country of a backward nation. Yet, there is something absolutely weird about a beautiful woman telling coming down from the sky and telling these kids that two of them will die soon and that they will face great suffering. Today we might think this is a kind of child abuse. It is creepy at the least.

It does not come across as kindly. And, then the political forces put them into jail (not Trump cages) and threatened to boil them in oil if they did not recant. They remained firm in their testimony.

One secret the lady told them and kept by the Vatican in espionage hiding for decades was that a pope would be assassinated. Well, it did almost happen decades later to John Paul II.

Some years later, the entire experience was hijacked by the Joe McCarthy anti-communist groups who created a Blue Army to counter the Red Army. The group led by an American of dubious character made millions off the miracle. They have their own 747 jet and huge monuments. The faithful gave them plenty of loot. Their PR is among the slickest in the world.

If anything, the anti-commie segment moved the HQ to the US instead of backward Portugal. This documentary is filled with piety and well-meaning religious people who argue that it is true and a miracle. It’s easier to believe it was space aliens.

The film plays to the believers of religion, though you may have a hard time telling them apart from a visit with Erich van Daniken. The new movie corroborates the Blue Army version. We expect to be under attack for questioning this topic.

King of the What?

DATELINE: Jesus Express to Penthouse?

 A Wailing Wall!

There was a time in history when it was not a politically smart move to be called The King of the Jews. It could end your career, but Donald Trump is delighted to be given the title by a Jewish supporter: there is no word yet whether this guy is a Pharisee, or just an idiot.

Jesus found the title a little onerous when the governor of a local province took issue with it.

As for Trump, he has no worries that King Herod or his son Herod Antipas (no, not antipasto) will take umbrage. Trump thinks his political opponents are the antipastos.

 Herod, as you may recall from your history, murdered the Innocents, killing newborn babies. Trump merely puts kids in dog cages and denies them flu shots. How many die is yet to be determined.

Herod Antipas was the womanizer who like young girls, like Trump’s dear friend Jeffrey Epstein: you may recall that Antipas asked pre-adolescent Salome to dance without her seven veils—and then gave her the head of Barrack Obama, or someone like that.

So, the latest king of Israel would rather be a kingpin in Greenland where he denies he would build a gaudy skyscraper along the glaciers. He has even cancelled talks with Denmark because Erik the Red wanted Trump towers all over his island; sort of a thousand year old Green Plan.

We thought there was a law against American presidents accepting foreign titles of royalty, but no matter when it comes to Trump: he may not be president much longer if the insanity clause of the 25th Amendment to the Constitution is invoked.

Any Jew who votes Democratic is a traitor to God and Country if you hear the King of Jews in his latest tirade. Bernie Sanders, son of a Jewish immigrant, takes issue with the comment that all Jews who vote against Trump ought to be shot at sunrise by white supremacists.

Jesus denied he was King of the Jews, but Trump is not having any second thoughts. He revels in the notion that he can walk on water and change Greenland’s ice water into gold.

Belichick Finds Michael Floyd Over the Rainbow

 DATELINE:  Drive, He Said

floyd

Local jokesters ribbed each other yesterday by saying Swami Belichick might claim drunk driver Michael Floyd.  Today, the laughingstock is taking stock of another brilliant Belichick move.

Yes, the Patriots have signed a public relations disaster. No, he is not quite in the league of Johnny Manziel. This is more like Floyd Boyzeal.

Drunk drivers never walk a straight line in football. They best catch the ball and zigzag.  Former Patriot coach Charlie Weis was Floyd’s college coach at Notre Dame and suspended the player for DUI.  So, he gave Belichick a rousing report that may sound like a drinking dirge.

Swami Bill usually works some magic on the bad boys of football, causing them to walk the straight and narrow while singing the Great Hoodie’s praises.

How odd indeed that a solid player (a hale and hardy saloon patron) is suddenly free in December for the Patriots to scoop up. It smacks of LaGarrett Blount being tossed into the rubbish heap two years ago—just in time to pull the Patriots’ bacon out of the fire.

Far be it for us to deflate any bubbleheads, but this is the sort of maneuver that pays dividends around Super Bowl time when your best receivers are on the injured list.

So, Belichick’s Salvation Army of Patriot reclamation projects will gather around Michael Floyd and sing a few bars of “Amazing Grace” to bring him to sobriety and success.

Whether we are about to view Miracle on Foxboro Street, or you are about to see Belichick’s version of Apple Annie revert to a Pocketful of Miracles, only the next few weeks will prove.

Like It’s a Wonderful Life, Belichick is about to help Michael Floyd earn his wings. Yep, this is the Great Hoodie version of turning wino into waterboy.