Waiters & Other High-Flying Panic Attacks

DATELINE: NBA Twits

 File Under Inept Waiters!

Now and then we follow NBA nitwits on and off the court. We seldom follow Miami Heat anywhere, but when Dion Waiters criticized coach Spoelstra and ingested designer drugs making for a panic attack whilst flying with the team, we took notice.

He’s coming to Boston to play after a suspension worth a couple of million bucks. Maybe he can earn the money back by waiting on tables and receiving tips.  We offer our tip right here.

Dion sang an apology to teammates and coaching brain-trust that sounds all the world like a statement from his agent/attorney axis. After all, fines and suspension took money and food out of their wallets and open mouths.

We know from the spellcheck that Dion Waiters never wrote that apology. Some low-paid minion earned his keep.

No one wants to provide real details about imbeciles, lest they be accused of discriminating against drug users and people with bad judgment. We are fearless in that regard.

When we meet a body walking through the rye, we know it’s a kind of Scottish whiskey on his breath.

We doubt that Waiters would be a winner on a team that contained players Bron, Wade, and Bosh. When you put a fly in the oinment, you mainly change the chemistry.

The rain in Spain does not always fall on the plain, no matter what apology/tune Dion sings, and we think as an ordinary waiter Waiters would spill our wry rye all over our spellcheck. Especially at 37,000 feet above the court at American Airlines Arena. It’s no slam dunk from outside the arc/ark.

Hate the Heat?

DATELINE: HUMOR!

 

ImageIf the NBA learned something during the recent playoff run, it was their handpicked messiah and team of latest legend, has a big wart where the public was supposed to lick.

 

Yes, fans, you have shown your disdain for the Miami Heat in the heat of the battle and heat of the summer.

 

No one seems to like this team outside their area where the ever-vile Andrew Cunanan made friends in his short stay.

 

Yes, the vaunted LeBron, leader of the James gang, has found himself fined for flopping and tossed out of a game for his foul behavior.

 

Whether fair or foul, LeBron showed his true colors by complaining at every turn. It was not the heroic figure to rival Bill Russell that Commissioner David Stern hoped to embrace as he left his legacy at the NBA Finals.

 

Jesse James and his gang received more public support for a life of crime than LeBron James and his gang of thugs. Not even the inclusion of the usually sparkling character of Ray Allen could save the Heat from one deadbeat Birdman.

 

Looking like an escapee from a Mad Max sequel, Chris Andersen and his multi-layered Mohawk hairdo make him look like the Birdman belongs in Alcatraz.

 

Fans and referees both gave Anderson the ‘bird’ and we don’t mean Larry. One good turn deserves another, and the League flipped the bird to the Birdman who was given a one-game suspension.

 

With a few more prizes like Andersen, the Heat will all be birds in a gilded cage when the Finals end.