Leonardo’s Musical Interlude on Ancient Aliens

DATELINE: Revelations 13.2

Salvator mundi  The Latest Ancient Aliens Gospel!

You may be cynical and note that it took Ancient Aliens thirteen seasons to come around to Leonardo da Vinci (with one regular host mispronouncing the name a dozen times during the episode).

The second episode of the season tells us at the onset that Da Vinci used his art to tell us about higher intelligence in the universe. Yeah, him. The show proceeds to tell us that one theory is that the fifteen surviving Da Vinci paintings are presenting us with the solution to a puzzle.

Believers in alien contact think Da Vinci was in direct contact with creatures from another plane. We are told that the two-year gap in his life may have meant he was communing with other life forms. More mundane experts say he was under house arrest for sexual peccadilloes (but AA will never mention that).

If any intriguing notion comes forth, it is the one in which a researcher has discovered musical notes painted into “The Last Supper.” It has been recorded—and comes out as a forty-second dirge. Shades of Close Encounters of Steven Spielberg.

This leads to the conclusion that Jesus was here to spread his alien DNA into the real Grail, Mary Magdalene. Leonardo, according to ancient alien theorists, embedded secret messages into his artwork.

The centerpiece of the show is the $400m Salvator Mundi painting of Jesus, recently sold at auction. It seems Jesus is holding a crystal ball with the constellation Orion within—shades of the layout of the Giza pyramids.

We are fascinated that Leonardo would depict Jesus with a Buddhist orb/or heretical crystal ball of a witch. It’s all there in just another wild episode of Ancient Aliens.

Mona Lisa Mystery: Mother of Heavens!

DATELINE: Plausible Theory about Mona’s Secret

mona

A documentary on Da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” is always worth a glance, but we nearly clamped down on this one immediately. Secret of Mona Lisa is fairly entertaining documentary theory, despite a few missteps.

It falsely noted that the painting has been famous for “centuries,” not exactly true as it has been only well-known since its kidnapping in 1911. Before that, it was not well-protected or well-considered.

Then, the documentary narrator noted that Leonardo died at the “advanced age of 67.”  Pardon us? Perhaps they meant that 67 was advanced in 1520. We hang tough.

It’s flatly called The Secret of Mona Lisa, to no surprise.

The point of the hour-long special was to come up with a plausible theory on Mona Lisa’s true identity. For years experts have grappled with the notion she was the third wife (albeit young trophy wife) of a rich Florentine silk merchant.

What businessman pays for a painting and never collects it? And worse, would he let his wife wear her worst, most colorless togs for the sitting?  Of course, some experts think this is not the portrait of La Gioconda, the businessman’s wife; that particular portrait may actually be lost.

However, there are no records of payment, collection, transfer, or disposition until after Leonardo’s death when his boyfriend and young companion, Salai, lists a Gioconda picture among his after-effects. That one is definitely lost.

So, the Louvre picture is an entirely different portrait, misidentified as Mona Lisa Gioconda, the merchant’s spouse.

We have considered for years that Leonardo painted himself in women’s clothes for this little subject. Then again, all Leonardo’s subject faces look alike, as if he used the mirror to save on model costs.

The film comes up with the best theory of Mona Lisa’s identity that we have ever heard: though again, there is no record of it being commissioned by one of the Medici family as a picture of an illegitimate son’s dead mother.

She is, in fact, a representation of all motherhood for Leonardo, perhaps his own mother, as he too was out of wedlock born.

Since in later years, we ourselves commissioned a painting of our long-gone mother in her youth to hang in our home, we know the idea is not so far-fetched. Old men like to see a picture of their youthful mother who died long ago, too young.

In that sense, this little documentary struck a chord with us.

 

 

 

 

 

Did Leonardo Forge the Shroud of Turin?

DATELINE: Confounding Conspiracy

Leo purported self-portrait Pia's 1898 negative photo

Same Face? Leonardo & Jesus

A new documentary comes up with an interesting conspiracy theory from the de-bunkers of the famous shroud of controversy.

Though scientists have been unable to prove its authenticity, the de-bunkers have not been able to prove it’s fake.

This little hour documentary spends some time laying some dubious groundwork, blaming a rabid fascination on relics of dead saints on the Roman Catholic Church as a background. Filmed mostly in Italy with a few American, South African, and British “experts”, the film goes about attacking the shroud with logical fallacies.

Guilt by association is a nonstarter. Then, comes a series of attacks on the poltergeist personality of Leonardo Da Vinci. Noting he never mentions “God” in his journals and was a vegetarian and purported homosexual, he would be more than a willing participant to create a fake shroud to delude the public and give the Savoy family more political influence. Hunh? and double hunh?

There are some curios in the hour: but as explicable as any other fallacy, such as the size difference between the height of the man on the front and on the back of the shroud.

DaVinci’s associations with members of the Savoy family and Pope tend to be reason for making a fake shroud on old material through some amazing and undetectable method.

There is the rather fascinating parallel that Da Vinci put his own face on every major work of art, from Mona Lisa to the Last Supper. So, the comparison of the man on the shroud and Leonardo’s self-portrait is amusing.

Chalk this up to another time-passing lack of closure on a barroom betting topic.