Tom Brady Strips Down for Spygate

 DATELINE:  Nude Pix Not Air-Brushed, Thanks to NY Post!nude-tom

La Dolce Vita continues in the last legs of Deflategate Tom. Now the Roman squad of paparazzi are playing spygate with Tom Brady’s torso.

New England’s suspended QB continued his vacation in Roma, Italy, this week, avoiding playbooks, football pads, and the accoutrements of his sport. In fact, he eschewed everything as a voyeuristic paparazzi named Burt Hubbach sunk to the lowest level and took nude photos of Tom Brady.

This is not a Draymond moment. It is not even a David by Da Vinci moment. This is not an Instagram photo on his Facebook page that will require Tom to destroy his phone—lest Roger wants a copy for his secret pinup book.

Not many 40-year old men are attractive enough to catch the eye of arty photographers. Tom shows why his health regimen is keeping him in shape for his half-a-billion-dollar wife.

We suspect that Tom’s plastic surgery did not need to extend to liposuction.

We have said all along that Tom ought to quit the NFL cold and let them hang out to air dry. Ratings are down this season—and NFL shenanigans are to blame.

We completely expect Odell Beckham, Jr., to run around naked for Sports Illustrated—and Gronk likes to cavort in the buff with kitty-cats. Tom, alas, is trying to escape the ugly pressures of the NFL in Rome to no avail.

We cannot remember if the axiom is “See Rome and die,” or “See Naples and die.” Tom has shown us both.

Tom obviously had better things to do this week than watch his friend Donald Trump debate Bill’s wife.

We can hardly wait for the next press conference where Swami Bill Belichick will be asked about Tom’s nude sunbathing abroad.

 

Gronk’s La Dolce Vita?

Gronk Doubles His Pleasure

Over at our country club on the bay, we all know the importance of having a motorboat in excellent condition for summer cruising.

To our surprise, a rather busty woman (on the order of Anita Ekberg or Jayne Mansfield) who apparently was on the Mal de Merry cruise with Gronk has sent out a curious tweet.

She said, in exact nautical terminology: “Rob Gronkowski motor boated me today. All is well in the world.”

Being more of an officious sort, we were puzzled that she tweeted that Gronk “motorboated” her.  We did not suspect that Gronk was a mariner; nor do we think he can recite the rhyme of the ancient mariners.

The poem has something to do with a girl in every port, as we recall from graduate English courses.

So, Gronk is now operating a motorboat in the off-season. We would certainly caution him to be on the lookout for rogue waves, and we don’t mean women in the Navy.

In our estimation, the size of the portholes on this young lady would render her more in the Tugboat Annie division of nautical sport. She would– in the parlance of World War II — seem to be wearing a Mae West life preserver—or likely would turn into one if a sailor found himself drowning.

We cannot find it in our imagination to think Gronk would be interested in such baggage, or two bags to be specific. It seems to require heavy lifting, but this acquired taste does entail making noises like a motorboat while deep sea diving. We are holding our breath over this.