Where Love Has Gone, Hernandez Style

DATELINE:  Death Watch (Rolex)

 size queenAlexander Bradley guesses again!

Valentine’s Day was too late for Aaron Hernandez.

In September he tried to arrange to have Kyle Kennedy made his cellmate. Though this was at first approved, it was quickly rescinded when authorities received wind of the true nature of their relationship.

Denied a cellie, all he wanted for Xmas, Hernandez grew more despondent apparently—but let’s face it: prison officials seldom take on the roles of matchmakers. It’s bad for prison morale to let engagements occur in the general population.

Prisons have not yet reached the exalted situation where they allow sexual tandems as part of a lonely hearts club. The maximum security prison was not going to become another Cure Lounge.

Kyle Kennedy’s lawyer is now saying that his client will talk about his connections to Hernandez when he is ready. Since he is now off suicide watch, it won’t be long.

As part of his trousseau, Kennedy wants that $47,000 watch that was promised as part of their nuptials. It may be beyond comprehension that Hernandez would offer an expensive bauble to a fellow prisoner—and let his daughter fend for herself.

Kennedy also wants the suicide note Hernandez left for him, but there is a big problem. Hernandez’s attorney, Jose Baez claims it was a note to him, not another inmate. Heavens, could it be that Baez was supposed to receive the watch too—as a retaining memento of love.

Baez also noted that a charge of being gay tarnished the reputation of Hernandez (apparently more than three murder charges).

Lawyers will accept all kinds of gratuities for services rendered. For them, love and money are blinder than justice.


Is Bill Belichick Above the Law?

DATELINE: Avoiding Witness Stand

 best buds?

While deliberations of the jury entered the fifth day, reports came forth that Jose Baez did indeed try to subpoena New England’s head coach, Bill ‘Don’t Call Me Swami’ Belichick.

We learned that old Belichick has the speed and agility of a young Dak Prescott by managing with guile, speed, and legal talent, to avoid the process servers of Baez.

Apparently Baez is not too smart when it comes to finding someone to serve his summons. Reporters have been able to find Belichick everywhere since the season ended, including the front row of the parquet at Boston Garden for a Celtics game.

Alas, they could not reach Belichick. His armed guards must be better at blocking the enemy than Tom Brady’s linemen.

NFL law means never having to answer to a court summons. So, Belichick called Judge Jeffrey Locke to see if there were any ramifications in avoiding testimony.

Baez thought he did not finally need Belichick.  He seems confident that Hernandez will walk away from the double-murder charge.

Feeling above the law, Belichick gave an interview just five days ago in which he called the Hernandez case “a tragedy” and “heartbreaking.”  Yeah, it breaks your heart and bank account when you pay a serial killer $40 million buckeroos—and he starts to shoot people who spill a drink on his clean shirt.

We might think something more profound in its shock might be the coach’s response, but we have learned that from the Pouncey brothers and their “Free Aaron” hats to actual teammates of Hernandez, most NFL participants have no thoughts about a sports version of Jack the Ripper.

Normal people might be indignant at the lack of understanding among athletes when they harbor and protect a killer. It lends the most horrific credence to the amorality of Belichick’s team and the NFL in general.