We have learned from a secret source what King John Henry VIII offered in the package meant for Jon Lester if he chose to stay with the Red Sox.
Larry Lucchino has leaked this information to show what a parvenu ingrate Jon Lester has become.
First, Lester could have used Henry’s season tickets to the Boston Symphony Orchestra three times per year. On the upcoming programme was Rachmininoff’s Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini and Puccini’s Nessun Dorma.
King John Henry would send his tailor to give Lester his choice of a tux or a dressing gown in silk and an opportunity to take art appreciation classes at the MFA.
Henry offered a weekend cruise on his yacht the SS Minnow to Cannes for the foreign language film festival each of the subsequent three years of the contract.
A month’s supply of Beluga caviar was already at the Post Office for special delivery to Lester.
For hunting trips (much favored by Lester) Henry had a litter of teacup Maltese pups in white ready for the excursion and a trip to the Westminster Dog Show afterward.
Also in the package was an opportunity to play a cameo role on next season’s Downton Abbey acting in the role of Shirley MacLaine’s American chauffeur. Following that he would be taken to Covent Garden to watch the Royal Ballet perform Sleeping Beauty.
Considering these magnificent cultural perks, we are dumfounded that Lester chose to take the offer by Joe Maddon to go hunting with one of his bench coaches.
The values of the sports world are clearly not what they used to be.