Gone Boy, Jimmypolo, G-whiz Kid

DATELINE: Among the Missing

 jimmy-g

Peace out, Jimmypolo. We hardly knew ye.

Off-season is becoming a bad case of vertigo for Patriot fans. They don’t know who will spin through the next turnstile at Gillette.

We’ll look for those smelling salts on another team in this upcoming season. It looks like Jimmy G had no say about staying on with Brady as Robin the Boy Wonder.

The Joker, Mr. Freeze, and King Tut, also known as Swami Bill Belichick, has seen fit to send you off the paradise island of Foxboro and on a train to the Siberia of the NFL.

The years as the underling of Tom Brady may have stood Jimmy well as Mr. Underdog, but that role had been previously played by Matt Cassel, Brian Hoyer, and a cast of nobody special, all disappeared into the black hole of castoff castaways.

Nobody receives an Oscar for a cameo. Remember that, Gronk, as you film your next movie in one day for two minutes of screen time.

We wonder if Super Backup Brock Osweiler will join Brady to do for the Patriot Super Star what he did for Peyton Manning. It’s not like he lacks experience to play #2.

In the meantime, Jimmypolo—an affable second banana will now take the lead as the latest understudy to go to big things since Eve Harrington. We have always tried to be Jimmy’s Addison DeWitt. (These are not sports metaphors and can safely be run past Patriot fans without affinity for great stage actors).

Happy trails to you, Jimmy G, until we meet again.

Jimmy Garopollo’s First Communion

 DATELINE:  First Timer

Garoppolo Nothing to Hide, Nothing to Fear

Some fans have already pushed the panic button. The Patsies are beginning the 2016 season in Arizona playing the Curia Cardinals. Holy mackerel.

It’s bad enough that Monsignor Chandler Jones will be leading the opposing forces, having switched sides after falling into coach B’s doghouse for wayward pops who smoke fake marijuana and confess all too much.
Far worse is the fate of having no Tom Brady starting your game, staffing your season with optimism, and starting a drive to the Super Bowl.

Back at Gillette Stadium, the Patriots are flying a huge banner of Tom Brady’s saintly visage on the lighthouse for lost ships, bringing luck like a patron saint to the lost teammates left adrift in the flotsam of the NFL.

Alas, the Compatriots were not allowed to bring the huge banner of Pope Tom to Arizona. Strike one.

The second strike may be Jimmy G (as he is now called for those who cannot spell G-g-garrottebelow).

The third strike is the oddsmakers, playing like little asps on the bosom of Cleopatra. Yes, the asps will have their way by making the Repatriates the underdogs.

As if wish fulfillment by Roger Godown, the first Patriots game is held on primetime Sunday night to garnish the embarrassment of not having Brady available.

Jimmy G faces a baptismal of fire in hot, arid Arizona.

Garoppolo Supporters Want Brady To Go

DATELINE: Bye-Bye Birdie

Garoppolo

The same people who worked hard for years to drive Rajon Rondo out of town on a rail have now turned their attention to Jimmy Garoppolo.

Yes, they love him. He scrambles with the best of them. Of course, no one should hold it against him that he ran 25 yards backwards in the season finale. He’s young and learning. He looks good in his underwear.

Yet, the praise makers have touted his performance as the Second Coming of Tom Brady. They do not praise Garoppolo; they only want to bury Tom. And, Brady has restructured his contract, making it easier to grease the skids out of New England.

What? You mean Tom Brady is still here! If the Jimmy Garoppolo crowd has their way, Brady soon will be history.

Someone please tell the idiots that history often repeats itself.

Rondo is now history—and if the Garoppolo devotees have their way, Tom Brady will be history before he closes the book on his Patriot years.

What is it with the bell ringers who want to ring in the new before they use up the old?

We presume these are the same fans that leave a little soda pop in the bottle until it gets flat and then will toss it. These are the people who never finish up a tube of toothpaste before squeezing a new tube.

And, now the cap is off the Brady tube—and fans that will be cheering on New Year’s Eve want to bring the new year baby into the game like a preemie with bad lungs.

We never understand the concept of New Year. It’s just the next day. And, fans can see how well the Celtics are now that they have rid themselves of Rondo. The next day remains cloudy with a forecast of heavy rain.

A new day is not a better day, Garoppolo fans.

 

 

 

 

Tom Brady Tells It on the Mountain

High HattingDATELINE: HUMOR

The New England Patriots drafted a 62nd round quarterback in 2014. According to coach Bill Belichick, his crystal ball “isn’t any clearer than yours,” during a press conference after the selection of a possible successor to Tom #12 Terrific.

Long live the king, Belichick seemed to be saying, but long live the new king too. No one one wants to lose their franchise QB, but old age has claimed many an athlete since clocks started ticking.

In the biggest way possible, Tom Brady may be about to fail the Patriots. He has not discovered the Fountain of Youth. He looks young and he plays young, but the Merlin of the NFL, Belichick knows the Brady contact is up in 2017. It would appear that the coach/GM won’t be expecting his star to play much beyond that.

All this begs the question that Belichick, now in his social security years, is not getting any younger too.

Neither one fits the bill as an old timer. They are not having a competition to see who will be a better Gabby Hayes or Grandma Moses.

It may be hard to picture Tom Brady as a graybeard, but when he stands next to Jimmy Garoppolo in training camp, the old QB may start to look like Methuselah around the edges.

When your backup is called Jimmy, you know that Superman’s cape is being tugged on. Just ask Jimmy Olson.

Tom has gone through backup QBs like they were Kleenex at a hay fever party. They loiter and linger for a while, then move on to relative obscurity. Only Tom has remained the same.

Those of us with good memories may recall The Old Man of the Mountain up in New Hampshire. And, if you recall, the end was not pretty. There was no backup plan.