Tom Brady’s Secret Plan to Play Ten More Years

DATELINE: I’ve Got a Secret or To Tell the Truth?

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Will the Real Tom Please Stand Up?

Tom Brady has consulted a great oracle of fame and immortality this week. He did it by communing with the dead author of “The Canterbury Ghost,” a short ditty written by his new mentor: Oscar Wilde.

And, Oscar Wilde told him he can play for ten more years. Not even Josef Stalin went for ten years; he always stuck with five year plans.

However, Brady must keep that courtroom sketch from the Deflategate controversy hidden in his attic. All the ills of his life, aging, and negative feelings will transfer to the picture. While it grows more monstrous in his vault of shame, Tom will continue to look the picture of health and beauty.

That New York artist and Jets fan Jane Rosenberg will probably be at the Meadowlands, trying to sell him another vision of the future.

Tom Brady may not be young enough to know everything, but he has started to become wiser with his fortieth birthday around the corner.

If he plays for ten more years, as he himself wished on Wednesday, he may morph into a Thriller style zombie on the lines of George Blanda—or at least Brett Favre.

Years ago novelist Tom Tryon (a former movie star) wrote his famous book called Fedora in which a stunning movie queen kept her looks and talents for forty years on the silver screen. Her beauty secret could be the one Tom has in the works for ten years from now. At that point, his youth and vigor will be astonishing, renewed, and a bizarre scandal if ever discovered.

We know the secret of Tom’s ten-year plan—and we aren’t talking, lest he put a curse on us.

Lurching Forward: Tom Brady in Pasty Pastel

DATELINE: Art for Art’s Sake for Heaven’s Sake

Les Miserables or Tom in Court

Only in the world Featured imageof Roger Goodell do two wrongs make a right, or perhaps at the Famous Artists School.  The federal court artist that has drawn the short straw for two hearings has put a bullseye around Tom Brady for a second time.

Jane Rosenberg needs a new prescription for her eyeglasses. She did see Tom wink and wave at her. Maybe he needs glasses. The latest Tom smacks of Les Miserables.

Court artiste had a second chance to do a quickie with Tom Brady at the third Deflate-gate hearing. Over the weekend, she practiced and did a dimpled version of Tom that might pass a quick look at midnight in the dark.

Today she claimed that hearing was far too short, a mere five minutes, not giving her time enough to digest the good looks of Tom. She admitted she has trouble with pretty.

A critical eye on the latest Brady rendition is enough to convince us that subjective art tells us more about the artist than the subject she paints.

Here, Tom has improved from Laughton’s Quasimodo and now looks merely like the Addams Family butler, Lurch.

Maybe Ms Rosenberg has a Thing for ugly.

If she wants to design Halloween parties, she may be just the bat out of hell to do it. Her intermediate Tom looked like an outtake of Spartacus with Kirk Douglas.

If we are lucky, Jane Rosenberg will never again have to face an easel and Tom Brady. We suspect her true medium is mud.

There was no settlement in the court case, and the art work has remained unsettling.

Our Hunchback of Gillette Stadium: Tom Brady!?

DATELINE: Not an Animal!

 

Featured image   Bradymodo! or is that Quasi-Tom?

Of all the grave injustices done to Tom Brady, we never suspected that the worst of the worst would come from a court-deigned sketch artist with delusions of Picasso and Munch.

Yes, Jane Rosenberg sketched Tom in court in such a light that she missed the fact that his suit was blue seersucker, not brown off the rack.

The artist took a beating on social media, with good cause. She ought to go and cut off one of her ears to improve her art. She told press and media she had not digested the horror she had committed, saying, she was sorry she didn’t make Tom look prettier. He is, in her estimation, quite pretty.

We thought she threw in a touch of the Elephant Man into her artwork. We expected that Tom would stand up at the hearing and cry out, “I am a man, not an animal!”

Alas, we think the artist is not a fan of Tom Brady. She didn’t paint what she saw—what artist does? She painted the movie she watched the night before going to work. Yes, we saw it immediately—especially the lumps around the eyes.

Rosenberg saw Tom Brady as Quasimodo, as depicted in 1939 by Charles Laughton and MGM’s best makeup men.

Hideous is not a word often applied to Tom, but he was morose in the courtroom, despite the support Judge Berman gave him by grilling the NFL lawyer.

Tom did not laugh, chuckle or guffaw with the rest of the courtroom when jokes were made about deflation. This is serious business for the quarterback, and he wore his game face.

We just never saw before the resemblance between Tom Brady and Quasimodo, Victor Hugo’s bell-ringer.

Someone ring Tom’s bell, please.