Belichick Seeks A Cure for What Ails Jamie Collins


DATELINE: Plague on Your Gillette House

 Featured image Pre-Plague Days of Collins

Bill Belichick’s notorious doghouse may be the same as an island known as Elba, not Revis.

Jamie Collins, the hotshot young star on defense that rivals the hotshot young star on offense (Dion Lewis), has been ordered to stay away from the team.

It appears for nearly two weeks the healthy and hardy Jamie Collins has suffered some viral malady. We begin to wonder how a bad cold can outlast the Bubonic Plague.

In Belichick’s mind, with his decimated defensive units, he worries that Collins is the Typhoid Mary of Football. Who can blame him? As much as Belichick is a wizard, he is not an alchemist. He cannot continue to weave gold out of dross. And, right now, his offensive line is gold-plated dross. He doesn’t need the same problem on defense.

Collins might come into the situation and become a worse nightmare than Dr. Michael Crichton imagined in his fascinating novella and movie about a space plague, The Andromeda Strain.

Belichick must be a literary devotee, because he has isolated Jamie Collins like he is a direct emissary of Gort, the robot from The Day the Earth Stood Still. Bill Belichick does not want his mechanical defensive plans to be stopped dead in their tracks on the eve of a Giants game. Collins may be cog in the strain.

At this point Belichick must find a doctor who owns the Magic Bullet. Not, the one that shot Kennedy, but the one that cures disease. Is Madame Curie still doing research?

Is there a Jonas Salk out there with an injection of good health? Does anyone have healthy stem cells? For heaven’s sake, does anyone have two aspirin?