Dorian Blows Trump’s Mind!

DATELINE: Hard Blow to Blowhard

With Hurricane Dorian threatening the United States, we have had political opportunist Trump leading the charge to show his humanitarianism. Talk about fake news!

After denigrating the hurricane when it seemed about to hit Puerto Rico, he charged the political hacks of the island had willed the storm to hit them. Of course, it veered away, and so did Trump’s inane and malicious comments.

Now we expect Trump to request that a nuke be dropped into the eye of the hurricane—but only when it reaches Baltimore.

Next, Dorian was poised to hit Trump’s beloved Winter White House, the former Post estate, now labeled his golf course of choice.

This gave the President an opportunity to wax eloquent about the great people in Florida for whom he cared so much—especially since he needs the state and its voters for re-election.

Cynics may charge that his concern for the “average voter” corresponds to self-interest. That might be unfair until the Imbecile-in-Chief held a press conference and announced that Dorian was going to put the great Trump state of Alabama in harm’s way.

This caused some widespread consternation among meteorologists: the storm is nowhere near Alabama, but its voters are on the pea-brain of Trump. He was corrected about his geographic idiocy, but he managed to repeat the wrong assertion again later in the day’s tweets. He is, at best, slow on the uptake.

If that is not enough to roil your storm warnings, Trump said that he had never heard of a Category 5 hurricane before this week. However, enterprising reporters uncovered a half-dozen times he said the same thing over the past three years.

It seems you cannot teach an old dog much of anything.

Mike Tomlin: Not a Cl-ASS Act

DATELINE:  Return of the Dodo Bird

Tom's Briefs

What a horse’s tail!  Pittsburgh Steeler Coach Mike Tomlin told his players after their victory not to go on social media and make a scene. At which time he called the Patriots team a bunch of “a—holes.”

Nicely done, Coach. The offending live Facebook feed from one of his moronic players was almost immediately taken down. That means only a million or so viewers saw the unpleasant message.

In the words of Patriot star Dont’e Hightower: Is he trying “to hurt our feelings?”

Macho pride being what it is nowadays, we suspect that fighting words usually hinge on making aspersions about one’s family heritage or one’s sexual orientation.  Ask Dak Prescott what happens when you downplay relations with women and insist you are in love with your team.

We admit going through the rhyming dictionary, looking for words we might use with “class” or “hole.”

Swami Bill Belichick might disparage us from this task. Unlike Tomlin, the Belichick coached teams actually do have discipline. To wit: he chewed out Eric Rowe on national coverage for his unsportsmanlike penalty.

We doubt Tomlin would ever do anything but support the inanities of his players, not knowing the difference in his own mind.

What used to be bulletin board material is now sent faster than a speeding bullet by means of Internet smartphone connections.

The holes in the ozone have nothing on the holes on the Internet. To our vast amusement, there are more holes in Pittsburgh than in Calcutta.

The Dumbing of America Continues…

DATELINE: Idiots, Unite!

Featured image

Nitwits, arise. You have nothing to lose but your continuing obtuseness.

You cannot have intelligent satire in a nation of imbeciles.

College degrees notwithstanding, Americans are idiots for the most part.

They revel in their anti-intellectualism and anti-science. The Taliban may want to destroy history and send us back to live in caves, but the American public hasn’t a thought about it.

They rely on the expertise of a handful of people to provide technological marvels, but they could not survive if their toys broke down. What? Go back to the days of no email? No television? How did people live like that? It’s tantamount to not having a bathroom with running water.

With knowledge all around us, people revel in their stupidity. They trust talk show hosts on radio and TV. They take crypto-science as the real truth==and see PhDs talking about Ancient Aliens on the History channel, no less.

With knowledge and the ability to find real information at one’s fingertips, the public seems saturated and has withdrawn from the learning business. Schools are now merely babysitting services for adolescents.

In 1995 an editorial at the New York Times lamented that America was turning into a land of nitwits. Twenty years later, you may find no comfort in the news. We have gone beyond Beavis and Butthead as a cartoon to real life versions all around us.

Intelligent design and intelligent satire are equally received with no challenges,

Satirists are facing a bleak future when their humor is beyond having a biting sarcastic effect.

 Henceforth, we shall make every effort to catalogue idiots, fools, nitwits, imbeciles, and in the Bugs vernacular, Maroons, in our humble blog of character assassinations.


Jim Kelly of the Bills: Another Dunce

 DATELINE: Illiterate Macho Men


Featured image Today We Honor Jim Kelly

Another retired quarterback has lost points on his IQ since retirement. Jim Kelly, former Buffalo Bills star, came out and said that Tom Brady should “man up,” to end the Deflate-gate controversies.

Apparently this idiot has not been following the news closely. Can he read? The hearing transcript needs to be put on audio for this former NFL QB.

In his peabrain, to “man up” is to confess guilt to something you didn’t do. Oh, yes, our prisons are filled with those who manned up to their crimes.

If you did not commit a crime, why would you say you did? In Jim Kelly’s machismo world, that’s exactly how you behave.

Confessing to a set up is not exactly taking a bullet for the team.

To allow a conspiracy of liars and media dupes to control one’s destiny is the real crime here.

Jim Kelly may be showing early signs of retirement’s bane. He is out of touch with reality, but he is not alone in the strange belief that you end a problem by confessing guilt even if you are innocent.

Many “men” of the Neanderthal persuasion accept this dictum. Well, they can take that dictum and stick it up their rectum.

We are sick of hearing that Wells never told Brady he would be punished for refusing to give up his phone. We are sick of the fact that Goodell leaked the news of the cell phone and put it into the worst light. We are sick of the fact that Troy Vincent does not know that equipment violations cannot be enforced against players, only teams. We are sick of the entire NFL’s liars club.

If you want to belong to that club, you probably are ready to go on a safari to Africa and shoot endangered animals.