Frostbite Falls Foxboro

DATELINE: End of Season: Hell Freezes Over

smartwater Tom to Rescue?

For all those youngsters who are asking the old-timers, when was the last time the New England Patriots played in a Frostbite Falls condition on New Year’s Eve? We have no answer.

Our history books don’t go that far back. Our memory is a collective fog, frozen in time.

We have no doubt whatsoever that Tom Brady will be wearing his long underwear for today’s game against the Jets.

Tom has some specially made long-johns that the Navy SEALs wear when they dive. Let’s hope the Patriots don’t take a dive in the 0° temperatures. That’s 0, none, nil, nothing.

Baby, it’s cold outside.

We are sure Tom Brady would prefer to wear his UGGs boots this frigid afternoon, but those are not regulation NFL.

We believe he gave all his teammates UGGs boots for Christmas again this year. There’s not much thinking when you give a product you endorse as a gift. Tom’s big problem is finding UGGs in clodhopper sizes for all those king-size teammates.

Actually, we are looking forward to the toasty game in the late afternoon with the Celtics.

Though they play on the parquet floor covering hockey ice, it will be warm indoors. Even if some nitwit takes off his shirt in the Boston Garden, he will not be rushed to the hospital as will those fans at Foxboro’s frostbite falls stadium who inevitably will try the stunt.

Bundle up all you Minutemen. The time has come to freeze your derrière off.