Creepy Nazi Creatures: Documentary

DATELINE: Animals as Pawns of Nazi Germany

 Nazi creatures

Nazi Creatures, a recent documentary, may seem like a stretch on a topic of Nazi history—reaching the most banal and silly lengths. However, you would be foolish to ignore this examination of the psychology of those who believed in a “Master Race.” Its first application was breeding animals.

From the earliest Nazi actions, which included Hitler’s laws to protect horses and dogs, the brilliant propaganda moves of the Nazis brought together horse lovers and dog lovers to their side.

The United States even gave plaudits for this first Nazi law in 1933 to protect dumb animals. It was, however, a clever and snide way to attack Jews and their treatment of animals for “kosher” meats. Nothing was pure about vegetarian Hitler.

Dog parades might seem ridiculous as a means to create national spirit, but the Nazis were prolific breeders of the “German” shepherd: a dog that was aggressive and became a symbol of ferocious police action.

Indeed, Hitler felt to breed a better version of Doberman and sheepdog would be perfect to herd members of concentration camps whom he regarded as sub-human.

Hitler kidnapped all the pure-breed horses of Europe to his own reservations where they could be turned into a master race of animals; it was a precursor to breeding humans to a pure level.

Twisting the science of Darwin, the Nazis were proponents of animal hypocrisy: their Berlin zoo was a place to laud “Germanic” animals and create preserves and reservations for restoring the extinct species of aggressive cows as big as elephants.

Ultimately, you have more questions than the documentary raises about the twisted logic of Nazis (that wanted to save their pure-bred horses from the Russians who would use them for horse-meat to feed starving people). The Americans were more sympathetic to  animals and fell for the propaganda.

This documentary raises issues about whether Hitler would ever leave his beloved dog, Blondi, if he were to escape the bunker. Instead, he experimented by killing the dog with cyanide. That’s the ultimate consideration of Nazi creatures.

Trump Is a Racist

DATELINE:  Crazy Comes in Second

Hynkel's Dance Partner Trump Celebrates World Diversity

In case somehow you missed the news, Donald Trump is a racist.

When you quack like a duck, you must be Daffy Duck.

Happy Martin Luther King Day, all you, racists.

According to a tirade given at a bipartisan meeting at the White House on Thursday, January 11, Trump railed against countries in Africa and Haiti, as being in a “s**thole,” but he didn’t use the euphemism when he said they are in the crapper. In all likelihood, he puts the residents in the same crap or crapper.

Don’t ask Trump for a bill of love or kindness. He is from the Lady Macbeth school of milky humanitarianism.

We expect some kind of denial from the White House, as per usual. However, it is beginning to look like a white Christmas and a white America. That slogan really should read: “Make America White Again.”

We are frankly horrified.

Trump wishes there were more Norwegians coming to America, rather than Haitians.  We will take those poor huddled masses, as long as they’re white. That should play well in Alabama. We’re not sure about the rest of the world.

You might say Trump is just playing the new Hitler on TV, but that would be giving him some.

Rounding up illegal immigrants with his Nazi police force called ICE, Trump is not quite setting up his concentration camps yet for a Final Solution. He’s probably waiting till the second term to do that.

In the meantime, we sit and wait like those huddled masses in Germany in the 1930s as they carted away their neighbors to unknown countries from where no traveler returned.

Your turn may be next.

Edward, King of the Nazis

DATELINE: Royal Fascists

 hitler & edward

Netflix documentary on Britain’s Nazi King exposes, in more depth, the ugly side of the man who gave up the throne for the “woman I love” in 1936.

That was a pleasant, romantic diversion, but the leaders of England were far more concerned that Wallis Simpson, the King’s consort, was a depraved Nazi, sleeping with men close to Hitler. And, she had the oddball Prince of Wales wrapped around her finger.

Though Edward had a reputation for many affairs in his world travels in the 1920s, often with married women, Simpson revealed in letters that he was impotent—and only she knew the secret of how to arouse him.

It appears she was a dominatrix of sorts. It fit in with the crypto-Nazi beliefs she held.

Once Hitler began to become more aggressive in the 1930s, he sought the favor of Edward in order to install him on the throne when Germany won the war. Since Edward was bitter at the way his brother, King George treated him, he was eager to please Hitler.

When the war began in earnest, the United States FBI found the Prince of Wales abdicated his throne, but was giving secrets to the Nazis in his opulent lifestyle in Spain, and later Bermuda (where he was made a governor to exile him somewhere innocuous).

Edward spoke German fluently, and the family name of Windsor was a fiction adopted during World War I in order to downplay the Royal family’s Germanic roots.

The full story of Edward’s reprehensible plan to return to England as the puppet of Hitler is most unsavory. However, rumors that he might be far more depraved will not be found in this documentary.

Indeed, quaint notions of the FBI marked Edward’s friends as subversive if they consorted with black people in Harlem clubs. You wonder how much of the evil reported in Edward actually belonged to the eyes of the beholder.

Intriguing, this Netflix documentary will provide enough disturbing evidence to satisfy most that bon vivant wit Wallis and her partner Edward the King would have been a disaster.

Revolt in the NFL Palace?

DATELINE: Humor Deadly

Featured image Plots and Plotters

When dictators are assassinated, the dirty work emanates from their own palace guard. Rumors and rumors of coup d’etat seem to whirl around the Park Avenue headquarters of the NFL during the early start of the season.

Roger Goodell wisely chose to avoid going to the opening game with the New England Patriots in enemy country, Foxboro, a name that seems destined to live in infamy.

Word is now filtering out that the New York headquarters of the NFL may be harboring some palace intrigue. A group may be ready to mount an overthrow of the dictator named Roger Goodell.

We have only to look to history to find that, after years of bad decisions and mistreatment, those of high role in palace affairs begin to hatch their little plots.

Adolph Hitler found his aides putting a bomb under his table. It failed to kill Der Fuherer, but it set him back some.

In the more distant past, another parallel character to Goodell was called Caligula. His own hired bodyguards did him in as he walked in a “safe tunnel” to one of the weekly games.

Another Roman despot named Commodus was done in by one of his former gladiators who choked him to death during rough sex. Goodell should be so lucky.

Rasputin was lured to a party where he was shot, stabbed, poisoned, castrated, and dumped in the local river. Nothing is too good for Goodell according to NFL insiders.

We can only say to Goodell, “Beware the Ides of March,” especially in months ending in ‘r’.

Great Dictator Revisited As Political Satire

DATELINE: MOVIE MASHUP

Hynkel's Dance Partner

          HYNKEL’S DANCE PARTNER

Korean dictator and koo-koo bird Kim Jung II has threatened war over a comedy movie by James Franco and Seth Rogan as two gayish CIA assassins out to get him.

It made us think back to another political satire that savaged a world leader. Charlie Chaplin took aim at Adenoid Hynkel (Adolf Hitler) in his 1940 film The Great Dictator.

Chaplin never shied away from big targets. It seemed to satisfy the size of his ego. If the Allies had lost the war, Hitler would have likely sought out Chaplin for a special place in the concentration camp.

The Great Dictator has some legendary bits among the funny scenes, but primarily one moment registers among the all-time great cinematic gems. Chaplin in the guise of Hitler dances a ballet with a large beach ball as the world. The choreography is flawless, funny, and horrifying, as Chaplin does his best Nijinsky imitation with global domination.

You know the world will blow up in Hitler’s face.

As with all of Chaplin, his pathos outweighs his humor. If watching the faux Hitler and his double-cross insignia in lieu of the Swastika were not funny enough, he undercuts with his Jewish barber (his classic tramp role now with job). With coy Paulette Goddard, he fills in the dull parts with a dull love story.

Jack Oakie is around as the faux Mussolini to ramp up the competition among the dumbest dictators to give Chaplin a straight man when Billy Gilbert is not playing Herring.

In the era before the full horror of the Holocaust was known, the film simply put Hitler into the realm of deluded fools. It took history to open the full book on his evil. Yet, Chaplin’s mildly acerbic portrait in an age when such satire was pre-American propaganda shows his sentience.

James Franco probably has no idea that he is playing on the same field with one of the greats of all-time cinema, though he’d likely warm to the notion.