Trump’s World View: It’s Over for You!

DATELINE: Go forth, and die.

 Your Trumpmeister

It’s now becoming clear that President Trump thinks when your time is up, you are done for. He wants to resume “normal” life, even if it means genocide to large groups of people. Trump is now wearing the robes of the Grim Reaper.

It’s one way to boost the economy: only the strong will survive. It’s Nietzche, Malthus, and madness, all wrapped in one genetic formula. If you are old, poor, disabled, you should die and have done with it.

You are holding up the rest of the human race.

Let the dead bury the dead.

“We who are about to die salute you, who will live.”

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow, coronavirus will kill you.

Life is for living, and death is for dying.

If this means that half the world buries the other half, Trump is betting your life that he will be among the survivors.

Throw out those old-fashioned notions of science and humanity, your duty is to die if you are among the weakest links in the chain of life. At least, that is the Trump viewpoint.

No respirators for you. No medicine for you. Go about your business until you drop. Those who are meant to live will carry on. You weaklings will fall by the wayside and end your miserable drag on society.

Trump wants a leaner, meaner society: only those who can cough it up and continue.

So long, grandma and gramps, your time is up. You lived your life—and the partygoeers on the beach will not give you much thought after you go. As Trump will tell you, the cure is worse than the sickness.

The disease is over, but the patient died.

A Picture Worth a Billion Jokes!

DATELINE: DEADLINE

Hole in One Your Inevitable Singularity?

Black Holes, unite! You have only your invaded privacy to fall back upon. Yes, the secretive monster of the universe has been exposed, or perhaps over-exposed.

Scientists think they have a black hole in one, but the hole is in their proverbial heads.

Einstein was right. The ultimate emoticon is smiling at us.

Smile, you’re on Candid Camera, you self-important denizens of Earth.

Scientists have taken a gleeful approach to the first photoshop of a black hole. No, this is nothing like the Black Hole of Calcutta. This is the laughing visage of universal death.

We see no reason for joy in Mudville or NASA.

To our poetic eyes, we see the metaphor of a Grim Reaper in the throes of the biggest smiley face of history. He will devour you.

Yes, it’s true:  scientists call it spaghettification.

That’s the process in which you are brought into the Black Widow’s orbit, never to escape, and as you sink in to the Singularity, you become one long noodle strand until you break up in the smile of the Black Hole.

Apparently, the shadow of your smile is not just a pop tune. That black edge you see in the photo is actually the shadow of some tiny center of nugget that has neither height, weight, or normal dimensions.

The only die-mention is your demise.

So, while science puts on a happy face over the first picture of their bouncing baby Doom, we feel that to look into the one-eyed Cyclops of Death with his broad grin is too fateful for fun, or ready for Funny or Die.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trick or Treat, Belichick Style

 DATELINE:  Yes, We Have No Bananas

Did Bill Belichick just put a razor blade in Patriot fans’ apple?  Or like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, did he simply offer the Apple to the Sodom and Gomorrah team of America?

Shock waves continue to reverberate around New England as the man in the Grim Reaper costume goes door to door, locker to locker, looking for another trick to pull.

Tom Brady, youthful optimist, wished another of his long-term second-bananas the best of luck. Poor Jimmy G will need it with the band of merry losers out by the Golden Gate.

The revolving door of quarterbacks likely means that Belichick has another sleight of hand at the ready before the end of trade deadline. We are not privy to the inner machinations of the Machiavelli of football.

We would suggest that Drew Bledsoe will not come out of retirement for the Patriots. Their last-ditch quarterback replacement always was Julian Edelman who is now wearing his costume for the big Day of the Dead festival in Foxboro.

We already let the black cat out of the bag before tossing him into the Charles River by mentioning the name of Brian Hoyer, long-time Shemp to the stooges who wait in vain for Brady to grow old.

Brady is smiling like Alfred E. Neumann because he knows that he will never age and will never lose a step.

Does Robert Kraft have Colin Kaepernick’s smartphone number on speed dial? We await the special prosecutor investigation of the Jimmy G deal.