Tom Brady Does Dallas

DATELINE: Vindication Tour Continues

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One big surprise permeated the game between Dallas and New England.

Tom Brady was on his keester more times than the previous regular season games combined.

Hardy Greg, the womanizing beater of the other gender, seemed pumped up for a game of hacky sack—and Tom was in the bag. His sack runneth over.

Indeed, it was sack time—and Brady didn’t look to happy to have his pristine uniform soiled with the perspiration of the inspired Greg Hardy.

In the first half Tom may have lured the Cowboys into a stupor. They were knocking him down like they might win the game. Of course, once Brady developed his sea legs, the game was over. Sally can sell sea shells down by the seashore, but no one cans a tuna like Tom. The Cowboys looked like mincemeat on the surf n’ turf menu.

It was not a pretty picture for Jerry Jones on his mammoth Jumbotron. The man who wanted Tom suspended for this game had to look at the big picture—and his team was not in it.

The obligatory camera shots of the billionaire owners showed Jones looking bored and disinterested in the game. Of course, fans who came to see this exhibition spent a larger percentage of their wealth on a Sunday afternoon compared to Jones.

When Tom Brady spiked the ball after running it into the end-zone, he was a monster yelling at the crowd. Godzilla could not have done it better. All those pent up feelings over nine months clearly needed a release.  He seemed to scream at the Dallas crowd like he was a giant stomping on the papercutout village known as Dallas.

Tom Brady, Does Your Punishment Befit the Crime?

 DATELINE: NFL FARCE Featured image Commissioner Wears No Clothes

Tom Brady is a happily married man. Domestic bliss seeps out of every pore. When his millionairess wife, and supermodel Giselle Bundchen is with him, the world looks rosy.

Yet, he has now received an NFL suspension equal to that of a wife-beater. What’s worse: his punishment is now the exact same amount (four games) as Greg Hardy, a convicted felon who dragged his partner by the hair, tossed her onto a batch of his loaded guns, and otherwise was the epitome of domestic abuser.

Yes, Tom, you are on a par with a lowlife like Greg Hardy. The NFL sees no difference. You withheld testimony and deserve your punishment, but hold on! Greg Hardy refused to cooperate with the NFL’s kangaroo court investigation! And his suspension has been reduced! Either Tom needs to start battering his spouse, or he should be walking a free man later this week.

The longer his punishment stands, the more obvious the NFL has no sympathy for battered wives. You cannot claim a man who beats his girlfriend, spouse, or domestic partner, is comparable to a man who pulls the plug on an inflated swim toy. But, that’s the world of professional football.

Your IQ to work in the Commissioner’s office must be lower than the psi of a pigskin wife beater. You must be someone who failed high school physics, and you must be someone who thinks the weather never has an impact on games. You must also hire referees who keep no records on their pregame work checking footballs.

Then you pander to the unwashed masses that like to lynch innocent men. If you wave the Confederate flag, your next NFL star may be a man waving a loaded weapon. Wait! You mean that’s already happened. Don’t tell us: we know the punishment is a four game suspension.