Shark Week, 2019

DATELINE: Overbite

yum yumYummy! Eat’em up!

Everybody’s a critic. One of the best images we have seen from our Discovery “Shark Week” sampling is the Great White attacking a robo-sub with camera.

These denizens of the deep do not like Paparrazzi any more than normal celebs. Now that they have become superstars of the underwater, Great White Sharks have shown a bit more temperament when they find their secret lives being filmed by robotic submersibles.

In one show, we watched Shaq, giant basketball star, in a cage trapped with a small shark. Talk about panic, and the unsettling idea that shark bites are minor concessions to a creature that does not like the taste of people.

Actually, based on some of these documentaries, the taste of producers is dubious—and we agree with the sharks.

Since there are hundreds of varieties of sharks, the week of films on Discovery now feature Hammerheads, blues, bulls, and on and on. Move over, Great White, you have company.

We also find that notion that these “researchers” are a bunch of little boys screaming, “Wow,” and ‘Whoa,” which are dutifully translated into subtitles like a Batman TV episode.

These middle-aged researchers grew up watching Shark Week and now aspire to be among the celebrities who are showcased with the money shot of jaws biting wildly.

Another show featured Mauricio Hoyos again, the cutie-pie researcher who enjoys watching giant Great Whites, of twenty feet, attack elephant seals who congregate on Guadalupe Island, off Mexico.

This episode featured the delightful images of a shark turning the tables on the hunters of pictures by sneaking up from beneath and vertically, to bite the smaller sub, like it is a grinder sandwich.

Several bites nearly do in the expensive computer machine. It is no match in speed or strength to the jaws of destiny that the society of Great Whites enjoin each year.

It is the first time you will see a stealthy attack under water, as usually the shark breaches and jumps up like a whale at Seaworld for our edification.

These endless and often mindless shows beat the drum about how these are not monsters and should be shown respect, even as these jokers try to grab sharks by the tail or prove their manhood by swimming with sharks.

After a series of pointless, puerile, and dangerous stunts, “Shark Week” is overkill. We may skip it for another 20 years.

Great White Shark: Fear Uncaged!

DATELINE:  Mermaid & Great White Shark Playtime

Mauricio Hoyos Mauricio Hoyos!

 

The little shark documentary Beyond the Cage of Fear, narrated and directed by Steve Morris, may be a looney gem of entertainment.

At a time when Shark Week is all the rage, we were intrigued by the lack of cage.

The experts here are among that group that insist we have misunderstood the Great White Shark and confused his life and mind with the jaws of death.

It seems every shark documentary demands a scene of the shark exposing his rows of teeth and biting off more than he can chew.

So, a bunch of cowboys of the sea gather together to challenge their fears and show off their courage. Aging danger freak Mike Hoover leads the charge.

These are beautiful young men who have lung capacity that you might find unfathomable. They can hold their breath for many minutes under water and swim like a fish.

Among them are Hannah Frasier, Brandon Whaley and Mark Healy. They are among the bravest young fools you will ever encounter as they try to create a relationship of friendship with a great white shark.

Mauricio Hoyos looked familiar at Guadalupe Island, and we recognized him from a recent show on Unidentified, the UFOs. He is perhaps the foremost, young expert in great white sharks on the planet and hangs around their favorite haunt in Mexico. He knows these hotshots are crazy, but what can he do?

Perhaps the craziest of all is Hannah, who swims in a mermaid suit, so to speak, with tiny pasties to cover her tiny pasties. She too swims without snorkel or tank with Bruce the Shark.

Yeah, they named him Bruce as if that demeaned his danger. The point is that fear drives our lives: yeah, it’s called survival.

We love these beautiful daredevils and admire them, but we doubt they will live long lives.