Ancient Aliens: Totally Taken In

DATELINE:  Re-election Ploy

 Baker Gov. Charlie Baker!

As Season 13 continues, the venerable series seems to be running out of juice. The latest is called “The Taken,” and it takes a look at the abducted victims of aliens.

If it seems like the series is becoming incestuous, making love to itself, you may be among those taken in. The show actually uses its own cast at an Alien Con 2018  with panelists Giorgio, Linda Moulton Howe, and Nick Pope, talking to hundreds of fans.

Talk about a self-selected audience, filled with people who claim to be abductees of space aliens for decades. If you are afraid to talk about it, there is no better forum that to stand up in front of 500 people and confess.

The experts claim there is an uptake in the number of taken victims: the total is about 2 to 5% of the population of the world. Yikes, those aliens are busy creatures.

Among the people interviewed are a victim 50 years ago from Great Barrington, Massachusetts, who manages to convince Governor Charlie Baker, Republican of Mass., to give official sanction to the abduction victims. This is a national first acknowledgement of abduction. It also kicks off Baker’s re-election campaign for governor!

From here it is a short jump to the history of altering human biology as motive of the space creatures. It seems nearly all of those taken in the past 35,000 years are Rh Negative (which is 15% of the human population).

Perhaps they are on to something. Then, they reveal that the first American celebrities of abduction (Betty and Barney Hill of New Hampshire) never revealed their entire family were victims.

Of course, the rare blood type is at the bottom of the gene-splicing over generations. (Forget that the Shroud of Turin claims Jesus was AB-Negative—which is only .5 percent of humanity).

If the show’s credibility seems to be shaky, you know that self-congratulations are in order. Ancient Aliens is always the first to recognize its own pioneer spirit.

 

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Celebrity Lineup for Tom Brady

 DATELINE: HUMOR

 

Featured image Michael Jordan first, now Magic Johnson for Brady

With his court date around the corner and down the street in Manhattan, Tom Brady has picked up support from sundry and important sources.

First, during the day, on the steps of the Massachusetts State House where a charity water bucket challenge was about to kick off for another August, the Governor of the Commonwealth, Charlie Baker was ready for his icy dump.

We were intrigued as to how the affable governor and his trusty lieutenant governor would dress for the occasion.

We were not disappointed when Baker came out wearing a “Free Tom Brady” T-shirt. There’s nothing quite so heady to a politician than to combine two popular issues and win support by appearing on the local news.

Not far away in another part of New England where big time Brady support can be found, an interloper from Los Angeles and a long-time rival of all things Celtics showed up in Rhode Island for a charity event.

Magic Earvin Johnson, best pal of Larry Bird and perpetual antagoniste of Bostonians, came out in favor of Tom Brady. Now a baseball mogul, Magic opined that he could not watch football without Tom Brady playing. He wanted this suspension nonsense overturned.

Tom already has the total support of Michael Jordan, giving him the basketball market behind his cause.

And, there in a nutshell from across the sports spectrum and political winds was the popular mantra.

Yet in New York came reports that the two sides of Deflategate were intransigent, unbudgeable, and beyond any negotiating for a compromise. With a court date looming, we cannot imagine how Judge Berman can find common ground for both sides.

There will be a big loser in this mess come Wednesday.