Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, & Gisele Bundchen Star!

 DATELINE: Bad Bad Bundchen

 bad bad bundchen.jpeg

Mrs. Tom Brady Did It!

Hail a Taxi in a New York minute! This is a must-see movie classic.

Well, okay, it isn’t exactly Citizen Kane.

However, the 2004 movie called Taxi impresses in so many ways. First, its cast includes Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, and Giselle Bundchen. Unlikely and perfect casting?

Yes, the future Mrs. #TomBrady is in her movie debut with third billing. There is not even a hint of “Introducing….” She is the star. Having a billion bucks can do that.

She is top of the game as the villain, a tall model-type bank robber, heading a gang of shoot’em up women. What? You were expecting Anna Magnani in Open City? It’s enough to convince us that, if she teamed up with Tom Brady, for a movie career, we’d have another Burton and Taylor, or at least a potential Laurel and Hardy.

The movie is about a New York cabbie with a penchant for speeding (Queen Latifah in her patented sassy tough girl role) and an inept New York copper (Jimmy Fallon with a run-off at the mouth speed).

Luc Besson directs and writes this stuff to guarantee there is plenty of car-crashing action. He is the Fellini of the urban circus movie. Yeah, we give this one 8 and a Half.

If you expect to see Downton Abbey, you took a wrong turn at Antonioni’s Blow Up. Gisele rivals Vanessa Redgrave here.

We mainly stayed agog during the entire film because it is fifteen years old, and the three principal stars look exactly the same today. They have not aged one whit. #Latifah, #Fallon, and #Bundchen just stepped out of The Time Machine.

Who among us can make that claim? You might start to wonder where the Fountain of Youth is located in Central Park. Is it Tom Brady’s avocado ice cream that tells us the proof is in the pudding?

Yes, the cute strawberry blonde playing Jimmy Fallon’s mother is that Viva Las Vegas girl and Elvis co-star, Ann-Margaret. Talk about ageless

This movie is a Manhattan cake-walk.

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Tom Brady & Trump Face Inflategate

DATELINE:  More Fake News or Inflate-gate 

 Trumped

Tom Brady’s wife, Gisele Bundchen, has just hammered the quarterback with the Madden curse. If you don’t have enemies, your wife may be just as good as a substitute.

Maybe bachelorette Julian Edelman knows something he should have explained to Tom.

With supermodel Giselle’s announcement of Tom’s unreported and secret concussions over the years, she has made more trouble for him than actual concussions.

There’s nothing worse than a latent headache. You can bet the NFL will now subpoena Brady and hire a special researcher.

Before the new 2017 season begins, Tom will be under investigation for covering up medical injuries. Will we learn that he has a private Russian doctor recommended by President Trump? Has the FBI enough agents to send a few to locate Tom Brady’s secret medical file?

Since Roger Goodell has seen the light of brain disease associated with football, he now has more reason than ever to stop Tom Brady’s career dead in its tracks. There’s nothing more exciting for Goodell than to beat a dead horse. His favorite derby nag is Tom Brady.

We are now convinced that Tom Brady’s showboating by smashing a mirror and walking under a ladder were signs of concussive behavior. He had brain lock.

If this is not the same as a Madden Curse, this scandal will do until a good one comes along.

Tom and his representatives are not issuing a statement. The Patriots are not issuing a statement. Bill Belichick is not issuing a statement.

Tom’s only comments today: he wished LeBron James and Isaiah Thomas good luck in their playoff extravaganza. It was Big Papi sitting courtside, not Tom Brady. Tom will have another day in court.

Tom will have to hide from the press about as much as former FBI Director James Comey. Questions abound and rebound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Concussion-gate Rivals Trump-gate

DATELINE: Move Over, Watergate and Deflategate

 duke & duchess of Foxboro

Not tonight, dear. He has a headache.

Like his friend Donald Trump, Tom Brady has a big headache.

No, it isn’t James Comey. It’s Tom’s wife, Giselle Bundchen. The superstar model gave an interview in which she announced Tom had a concussion this past season on the road to the Super Bowl.

In fact, she said he had many concussions over the years. Uh-oh.

This was news to the NFL and Roger Goodell as well as the Players Union. There are rules about medical reports and who can play if he is concussed.

Goodell never ducks an issue like concussions, and now Giselle has given him another shot at Tom’s head.

You know there is trouble when the doctor who was played by Will Smith and blew the whistle on concussions in the NFL has called Giselle heroic.

Tom may have another word for her.  We may now see who wears the pants on the runway at Tom’s house.

Trump could fire Comey, but Tom may be up the creek with Giselle and her half-billion-dollar bank account. The Patriots are staying mum on Tom’s children’s mum, but we know that Jose Baez will be the first to offer his services if Concussion-gate gets messy.

We think Julian Edelman may have to recuse himself, and we aren’t sure if Bill Belichick will be subpoenaed to appear before Congress.

The Patriots may need to ask for a second opinion before the man with the Fountain of Youth admits he has feet of clay.

 

Whatever Happened to Tom Brady?

DATELINE:  Transforming the Legend

together truman & tom 

YIKES!

A number of observers of Boston sports have contacted us to ask this disturbing question. Has Tom Brady turned into Truman Capote?

Whatever can they mean? Well, a few wags and others are suggesting that Tom Brady is undergoing a social morphing that is most peculiar.

We have been told that Tom is turning into Truman like Dr. Jekyll becoming Mr. Hyde.

We don’t mean “Give’em Hell, Harry,” Truman, but we are thinking along the terms of Breakfast at Tiffany’s Truman.

Tom may be dining with the swells of fashion and hoi polloi beyond the Neanderthal world of Gronk.

How is it possible that Tom Brady, tall and svelte, could be changing into Truman Capote, short and dumpy?

A few wags blame the transformation on his wife, Giselle.

You can say we are guilty of murder in cold blood when we put Tom and Truman together side-by-side.

From natty poses to languorous layouts, the twins of metrosexuality tends to stun us.

lounge lizards

Early on, Tom mimicked one of Truman’s old book covers: the controversial, come-hither coach-potato look.

What’s even more appalling is how much Giselle and Tom pose together like any anonymous woman and Truman.

couples

You may rest assured: we are on this case like a sleuth hound dog and will send you regular updates as warranted.

 

 

Tom Brady & Giselle Host Gala at the Met

 DATELINE:  La Dolce Vita

 duke & duchess of Foxboro   trevi

Duke & Duchess of Foxboro Smooching like Marcello & Anita

The ashes and embers of the late Aaron Hernandez from cremation have not even cooled off for Tom’s  dead pal and occasional murderer.

Yet, Tom Brady is running up and down the grand staircase at the Met Gala, dressed in a nattily Tom Ford designed dinner jacket with matching bowtie.

Brady is single-handedly bringing back the concept of metrosexuality. As for Hernandez, let the dead bury the dead.

Together with his wife Giselle Bundchen, the New England Patriot power couple appears like a New York power couple, not our suburban couple from Foxboro, Glendale, or Brookline. You’d almost think Tom played for the Giants.

Staying at their Manhattan co-op apartment, they fit right into the New York art scene. Tom and Gisele can play the Duke and Duchess of Windsor until they’re in their 70s.

Why mingle with the hoi polloi like Julian Edelman and Gronk when you can hobnob with the swells at the Met?

Indeed, the mighty Brady couple are playing together like the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, over a decade younger than the Boston power couple. Of course, pretension in the society pages is a great deal more fun than eating buffalo wings at the Super Bowl.

Tom and Gisele are posing like Young Love for the adoring fans and cameras.  You almost have to ignore the onset of middle-age when they show up.

We almost felt like they were turning the clock back to the 1950s single-handedly. Where is Federico Fellini when you need him? We expect Tom and Gisele to stroll fully clothed into the Fountain of Trevi in Rome as their next publicity stunt.

Mr. & Mrs. Tom Brady Storm the World

 DATELINE:  Air NFL, the Only Way to Fly

tom-giselle

With the divorce of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie now pending like the retirement of David Ortiz, we in the gossip-celebrity groupie business are left with just one couple standing.

Some people cannot stand them, but Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen are taking up where Brangelina fell off the celeb wagon. They are the last of the Taylor-Burton type marriages: dual careers and double the media punch.

Tom and Giselle are not the Battling Bogarts, like Bogie and Bacall, but their occasional dissatisfactions (over Deflated scandals) have come to light. It’s hard to find anything to debate when your marriage motto is the Latin expression, “Non tanget caput.”  For the hoi polloi, that means: “Never Touch the Capital.”

Yet, now that Tom is in the final week of his suspension for Deflategate and phone smashing of evidence, they are acting just like superstars on a bender.

Word has reached us that B&B (Brady and Bundchen) have jetted off to the Blue Grotto in Capri for dinner and drinks, Italian style. We have visions of Anita Ekberg and Marcello Mastroianni wading into a Roman fountain in La Dolce Vita.

Considering that Tom won’t eat anything remotely tasty, we can figure they are not looking for a restaurant with great canolis.

With half a billion in assets, you can go anywhere at any time. Cue the private jet.

Brady would be crazy to stay home and watch football while eating pizza, like his Neanderthalesque adoring fans.

No, it’s all in the ambiance and their F-U money. When you have it, you flaunt it. Perhaps they plan to drop in for a social call on their Parisienne plastic surgeon.

All we can say in our best Fellini accent is, “Buona Sera, Mr. & Mrs. Brady.” We give them an 8 and a Half.

 

Rags and Tabloids Taunt Tom & Giselle

DATELINE: MARRIAGE-GO-ROUND-THE-BEND

 

Featured image  Tom & Giselle Deflating

That probably means us. Can there be trouble in Paradise? We are not as bad as Terez Owens, are we?

Tom and Giselle are reportedly bickering and thinking divorce: and his wife is ready to name a co-respondent:  it’s Deflategate.

Imagine if Tom wins his case and loses his trophy wife.

Since the power couple is tickling the bank accounts and stock market in the vicinity of half a billion dollars, we are not talking chicken feed. And, this is all the fault of Roger Goodell.

Tom and Giselle have two lovely children with whom they share Twitter fun moments, but Tom’s preoccupation with pigskin seems to be a detriment to his parenting and husbandry.

According to some reports, Giselle has walked out of the monumental mansion recently built in Brookline, Massachusetts, to serve as Camelot and Brigadoon.  Now it appears more like Brigadoon, about to disappear into the mists.

We might beg Tom to say it isn’t so. Strictly from a business point of view, this is a catastrophe of the first order—and from the moral that money can buy happiness, we are facing another fall from grace.

If the suspension passes, perhaps Tom will feel compelled to spend more time with wife and kids. If the suspension is upheld, perhaps Tom will consider walking away from the sport that may be ruining his personal life.

The great star loves football—but what price glory?

Tom Brady Comes Home to Massachusetts

 DATELINE: LANDLOCKED HUMOR

best buds

Tom Brady is selling Xanadu.  Or, does he call his $50million home San Simeon South? Whatever the name, the Manderlay of his dreams is going up in a puff of real estate profit.

Tom and his hausfrau Giselle want to leave the moat-protected sanctity of a Camelot home in Los Angeles for the tales from the mossy manses of New England.

Perhaps that recent tremor sent shock waves into Tom’s heart.

The native Californian has always had a heart in San Francisco, but now it appears the Patriot has Tom Paine’s growing desire a common sense abode. Brady and wife will pull up stakes and build a gridiron style home outside of Boston.

The quarterback may be planning for a life in Massachusetts politics after his days of throwing balls to Julian Edelman is over. There always had been talk of his interest in becoming governor, and eventually president.

Now he is building a new headquarters in Brookline, likely a hop and skip from the palatial manse of King John Henry VIII, owner of the Red Sox.Duckboat keelboat

Next thing you know Tom will have a little country house in Foxboro to shorten the commute. We heard some of the cottages in Newport may be available.

At least now Tom will be close to his favorite charity, Best Buddies, which he hosts every off-season.

We don’t know why he’s building in Brookline when the mansion of Aaron Hernandez in North Attleboro is likely going up for sale when the former Patriot ends up a lifer at MCI Cedar Junction.

We welcome Tom back to Massachusetts, but fear the property values near his new home will take a leap through the roof.

Belichick’s Latest Spying Scandal on Patriots’ Wives

DATELINE: HUMOR!

With the accusation by former Patriot Ted Johnson in regard to the wife of Vince Wilfork, informants now reveal that all Coach Bill Belichick’s personnel decisions are based on the players’ wives.

Ted Johnson, now a Houston Texan analyst and beauty judge, complained about Wilfork’s wife, though he later apologized for wearing rose-colored glasses.

This incident has revealed the tip of the iceberg as far as the pulchritude of Patriot player wives.

Yes, Wes Welker was allowed to walk because Belichick did not like what Mrs. Welker said about Ray Lewis earlier in the season. Her subsequent apology was presumed to be too little too late.

Lately Kyle Arrington’s wife has come under scrutiny from Belichick. After giving birth to a son, she has reportedly run Arrington to a frazzle with late night feedings. Belichick re-signed Arrington last week, but with a proviso that his wife had to shape up.

The only player whose wife seems to have won the Belichick beauty contest is Giselle Bundchen, wife of Tom Brady.

Skeptics claim she has won the beauty prize because she makes more money every year in modeling than all the players who sack Tom Brady combined.

In fact, she can sack Tom Brady every night to prove her value and beauty.

Patriot wives had long suspected that ‘Spygate’ referred to camera surveillance the Patriot coach has put on them at every game. He raised issue with players often at half-time of games when he waved photos of wives not paying attention to the defensive scheme.

Belichick reportedly approved owner Robert Kraft’s new young actress girlfriend after inspecting photos taken surreptitiously at practice.

Players who are unmarried are left to the supervision of Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels and his cameramen.