UnXplained Returns an Empty

fe, fi, fo, fumble

DATELINE: Been There, Done That

 After a short hiatus in its second season, William Shatner’s UnXplained  is ready to tackle more mysteries, but the latest episode is a dud.

In fact, it may be worse. If you have a sense of déjà vu, it isn’t because you know your Bible stories. This episode is a duplicate of Ancient Aliens  that appeared just a few weeks ago, down to the same stories, illustrations, and standard talking heads.

“Mysteries of the Bible” might seem like Shatner, with wide-eyed skepticism, taking on God, but there is little here of controversy. The usual experts from Ancient Aliens check in with their usual comments. It is either embarrassing or insulting.

Flip the coin.

Both shows zero in on the Book of Enoch, an apocrypha O.T. tale about giants and God sending the flood to rid the human race of these big pests who were perverted the countryside.

There were thousands of these big bad boys seduced little women.

The Bible history is put down to religious factions, various authors, and bad translation. Oh, it tells us about those who dared to put the words into a local language and suffered execution, but this is old hat.

We have the story of the Dead Sea Scrolls also retold without much new insight or latest shocking findings. Maybe there are none. The show takes a few additional pokes at the Ark of the Covenant, the Christmas stories of Jesus, and Gnostic gospels. Nothing new.

We hear as a throwaway that Henry VIII needed his own Bible for political reasons. He wanted a divorce.

Producers are cutting corners by merging the shows with more than less brazen contempt for the audience.

 

Ancient Aliens Take on Noah & the Great Flood

Ganymede: Boy-napped!

 DATELINE: They’re No Angels!

You can call this week Land of the Giants, Part 2. After looking at the Big Deal of Big Men around Campus, we turn now to a Biblical evidence of angels and cutting problems down to size.

Ancient Aliens love a tall tale. This week we continue to rattle off pie in the sky.

The theory is that Noah was a giant albino, genetically engineered to save mankind from a group of unpleasant giant aliens. And, for good measure, those angels were actually physical beings working as messengers.

So, we have Enoch and some of the first alien abduction stories. This includes Zeus boy-napping Ganymede with a giant eagle for more than prurient reasons. It was truly abduction with an abusive angle.

These are dangerous texts not meant for everyone’s eyes. So, the Hebrew and Christian Bibles were much smaller than the Book of Giants that predates Genesis. It seems those Big Boys weren’t playing nice, being cannibals of human flesh. Noah had to rid the world of these pests.

And, Noah had help: 200 Watchers, who were angels with clipped wings. They were using misunderstood technology to ferry around the world. The Great Flood is more likely to be indicated by geological evidence.

If you’re wondering why there was a Great Flood after the Great Pyramid, you have to look for solar flares that melted the ice caps and flooded the world. This burnt layer is 50 feet deep all around the world, proving the theory, say the alien theorists.

Enoch took off with his alien buds, but announced he’d return eventually.

 

 

 

Stonehenge Secrets on Ancient Aliens

DATELINE: Going in Circles

For the seventeenth episode of this highly segmented season, Ancient Alienstackles in depth the ancient monument of Stonehenge, built, no surprise, by aliens or their stand-ins.

Of course, over the years, they have done bits and pieces on the topic. Now, they are putting full focus on the location that they now report is a hotspot of UFO activity, showing an unidentifiable spot in the sky that they claim is a flying saucer.

They also tease viewers with the idea that the builders of Stonehenge have “vanished,” which sounds a great deal like Roanoke Island colony, which is the following show on History Channel. There are no accidents on History’s network.

This week featured more hopscotch than usual, both in terms of logic and logistics. Our British theorists took over travel around their own country, keeping those pesky Americans out of the area:  even Brit Nick Pope was relegated to studio duty.

The ancient theorists contended that there were many, many stone circles all around the globe, many predating the Stonehenge (which is a mere shadow of its original self), coming in at 75% destroyed.

It seems other circles are twice as old—and the heavy stones could have been transported by a race of giants whose DNA record has disappeared. How and why, you may well ask.

It seems the quartz crystals when compressed create a kind of electro-magnetic energy, meaning you needed heavy stones of a certain kind in a tight circle. This might be the means to create portals by which to travel. This is all reminiscent of the Nazi Bell circle (which no one brought up).

We also wondered why they had spaceships if they only needed to make magnetic portals by which to flee earth.

The show never addressed some of these questions but did note that crop circles were telling us how to recreate the lost technology of stone circles.

If you ask us, we have been going in circles for quite some time.