Monkeys & Weasels in the NFL

DATELINE: Crying Over Spoiled Milk

brady mirror

Resting players in anticipation of playing big games in the future is a bit like counting your chickens before they’re hatched. The Pittsburgh Steelers plan to rest their most important players, which sounds like a bunch of chickens uncounted.

The Patriots plan to play their most important players, which sounds like a roundabout way of driving off a short pier.

Granted, the Steelers are playing the worst team in the NFL, which could have a bearing on driving off the infamous bridge. The Cleveland Browns are looking for a perfect season, one without any victories. But the Steelers plan is to make Cleveland work for it.

We admire any team that expects to achieve victory in the face of overwhelming defeat or playing with two left feet.

For the faded Browns and grounded Jets, the chance to win will be a hollow moral victory in a final regular season game. They would confound their opponents who are NFL nemeses, over and out.

The concept has been around for many years, called being Spoilers.

A loss by the Patriots might even cruel Fate’s fickle finger when two replays overturned two recent games into Patriot victories.

Injuries, possible to Gronk and Brady in the last game, would be even more extreme examples of fickle fate screwing the Patriots out of the Super Bowl. Playing their franchise stars may be risky business, but may also be the only business worth doing.

The Steelers don’t take that chance. The Patriots must take that chance.

All analysis may be wasted if the games are fixed, and fate shall play no hand in victory, no matter what you hope.

We will be watching overturned replays like a man on the flying trapeze, expecting the greatest of ease not to be a daring stunt.  Or we may be watching the monkey chasing the proverbial weasel. Indeed, that may be the best metaphor to describe the Steelers chasing the Patriots.

The Big Sneeze is upon us.

 

 

 

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Eagle-Eyed Patriots To Avoid Bird Droppings

 

DATELINE: Bye Bye Birdie

 

Already we want to forget the Eagles. Don’t ask us to overlook them too. Birds of prey in need of prayers are always dangerous. Not since Mel Brooks was hit by the birds with scatological targeted antics will we see such a bird mess of a game.

Your standard city of brotherly lovers with the Philadelphia Eagles and their controversial Chip off the Old Block Head coach will next take a swipe at Tom Brady.

We cannot tell which way the wind will blow on this game. The NFL has recently re-assigned their worst referee team to do the game. Watch out for funnel clouds and foggy calls. Whistle-gate is apt to have a part two during this game.

Chip is a chump, hardly a champ, and reportedly has lost control of his team (if ever he had control). Didn’t black players on the Eagles whisper he held white supremacist ideas? Now they quit on him in mid-games. If you believe that Chip is a great coach, you probably leave chewing gum on your bedpost.

Gronk likely won’t appear in this lamebrain zebra/ref extravaganza. So, the fixers will be hard pressed to call Offensive Pass Interference—unless it is on cable-TV reception. OPI is not Ron Howard’s old TV role.

Jamie Collins will apparently return from the dead, raised by Coach Belichick after a cure of Bubonic Plague was found in Foxboro. After Belichick casts out Jamie’s demons, you know intravenous fluids will bring Collins back up to snuff.

Danny Amendola may have said, “Amen,” after genuflecting to the God of Knee Sprains. Let’s hope he offered a novena for Gronk.

Dry cleaning bills on Brady’s white pants have increased sharply in recent weeks—and the offensive line had to pick up the tab after picking up the quarterback.