Houston Has a Problem After All

DATELINE: NFL Bugs

Goodell Staff Member

 

The NFL has found a secret formula to make it harder for N.E. Patriots to win.

First, of course, is the tried and true method of finding the right team of referees to confound Bill Belichick by denying successful plays. Second, of course, is to force players to take extra chances to cause injury to themselves, and third, staying the course, frequently scheduled night games ought to throw off Circadian rhythms.

The NFL has now tried the “Groundhog Day” approach. You may recall Bill Murray’s movie about a man who must re-live the same day endlessly. Now the Patriots must re-live having a 14-point lead—and blowing it following a botched special team play.

The scenario presented itself once more.

When it happened again, many Patriot Faithful were ready to switch to something unpredictable on the Weather Channel, but meteorologists too were talking about no snow until February again this year. Predictable.

Let’s face it: he NFL slime-ballers, like all lice, will work better at night to hurt the Patriots.

After that, all bets are off. If you thought BoyKings and FanDoo could lose in court, you may have seen the horror story about postponing the inevitable.

However, something was completely different this time. New stars emerged, like James White making receptions where only Julian Edelman dared to go. And, Danny Amendola was back. Gronk too replayed the best TD hits.

Before you know it, the NFL too will be back in court—and the NFL remains optimistic that they can win there in a rematch. On this Sunday night, they were thwarted again.

Yet, we know that the Patriots can win despite referees, despite playing in the dark world of mystery injury, and they never rest on a Sunday.

 

 

 

 

NFL Puts Lips Together & Blows

whistlegate

DATELINE: WHISTLEGATE

That’s Buffalo Bob’s Bills, Howdy Doody Rexy.

The Bills have come due—and whether Belichick has cash on hand, or credit up his hoodie sleeve only the four quarters will tell. Magician T-Rex Ryan plans on pulling quarters out of Tom Brady’s nose.

T-Rex’s defensive attack tormented Tom Brady, but truly befuddled the officiating crew, one of the worst Roger Goodell could send to Foxboro.

The big game did not test the ability to stay up late. It was paranoid fun.  It does test the ability to rise on Tuesday morning to work as per usual, but it sent Patriot fans into a frenzy of paranoia beyond their usual fringe.

Inadvertent Whistlegate showed up on Goodell’s doorstep screaming like a newborn banshee. Yes, blame the NFL for Whistle-gate.

Every game is different—and blowing out the Bills, a la the earlier game, may be like blowing smoke rings. You can’t have a Super Bowl ring unless you can blow smoke rings around your most arrogant and semi-talented opponents. The NFL just blew their whistles like Lauren Bacall did to Bogie.

Between the referees’ attempts to throw the game back to the Bison, Belichick prevailed—and the sight of Rex Ryan throwing an F-laden tirade on the sidelines made the game a classic of ineptitude.

Former Pat Rodney Harrison has said he hoped the Patriots would lose this one in order to relieve the pressure on them for a perfect season. It’s like wondering if the Patriot O-rings resemble the old NASA problem. We know the inevitable is closer than ever after last night’s victorious fiasco.

The Bills have been sent to clean the outhouse for another season, and they ought to be joined by the so-called officiating crew.