Hightower Rejects Cupcakes from Jets

 

DATELINE: Dont’ya Know

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When the Patriots want you, there is no doubt.

Dont’a Hightower did his world tour for free agentry, making pit stops in New York and Pittsburgh. The Jets offered him cupcakes on his birthday.

Alas, no confection matches the confetti of a Super Bowl duck boat ride. Hightower’s attempt to find a rich contract among the NFL losers was bound to fail.

Every team he contacted disbelieved his story that he wanted to find a new home if the money were right.

No amount of money can bring them the peace of a Super Bowl victory—and they found his argument that he would join them for a price to be patently ridiculous. No one bought his tale that he would jump off Bill Belichick’s duck boat.

And, they were right. The grass is only greener in other NFL stadiums if they brush it up with a little green dye. In that case, it’s clearly the green stuff.

No team can offer the guarantee of the greatest QB for the next four years. Both Tom Brady and Don’t’a Hightower are on the ticket for four more years. They likely will both retire when Donald Trump runs for re-election.

In the meantime, you might expect at least one more SuperBowl ticker tape measure for their Hall of Fame careers.

Of course, Hightower was not going to put himself in the low tower when he can grab the gold ring with another twirl of the Patriots carousel.

If anyone tells you Hightower signed with the Patriots for the money of $44million over four years, Dont’a believe it.

2016 Patriots Leave Town for Good

 DATELINE:  Road Taken for One Season

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The mass exodus of the players from the 2016 Patriots team is under way with free agency and trades.

There are no long goodbyes in New England, but there are plenty of short stays, usually one season.

When Bill Belichick is in charge of your passport, you may be gone quicker than an illegal immigrant suffering from President Trump’s executive orders.

The latest Patriot to say goodbye is Mahhhhty Bennett. He may be one of the few who understands what he is giving up here for the money. We will always remember his dance with the cheerleaders, pom-poms high after Super Bowl LI.

In reality, most NFL players are all hired guns, like something out of The Magnificent Seven. For a few pesos, they do the dirty work short term.

NFL owners will pay any price to own a piece of the True Cross, in other words any former Patriot touched by the magic of Tom Brady.

So, there are Patriots at the Foxboro train station, their bags packed, looking wistfully over their shoulders, hoping Bill Belichick will show up with a satchel full of money. But he never comes, and they must must go.

Like Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca, these quondam Pats will always have SB 51.

Don’t’a Hightower, Logan Ryan, and even LeGarrette Blount are all ready to go.  Chris Long caught an early train. Someone from the front office may even be packing Jimmy G’s suitcase.

Not every NFL player is lucky enough to meet and marry a billionaire supermodel, like Tom Brady. Heaven knows Julian Edelman tried in 2016. However, we heard his supermodel girlfriend has kicked him out of bed–and she too is at the train station, also ready to leave Foxboro with the players.

If Julian wants a supermodel, he better grab Danny Amendola while he is available.