Celtics Fight Each Other!

DATELINE: ‘Former Celtic’ is Always a Dirty Term

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Two of our favorite Celtics characters were sent packing to other teams some time ago. However, that does not mean they are not still Celtics.

Case in point, Rajon Rondo and Isaiah Thomas. They bleed Green.

Both men were lively point guards, fun to watch and delightful off-beat souls. Rondo had a temperament that helped win a banner over seven years. Thomas never won a banner but played like a wounded warrior through dark days and dark events in his personal life.

This weekend was supposed to be a video tribute to Thomas’s few years in Boston, but it was not meant to be.

It was Paul Pierce’s retirement ceremony. His 34 went to the rafters, and it was not a moment to be shared. The video tribute to Isaiah Thomas (then of the Cavaliers) was postponed indefinitely.

Before it happened, Rondo said Isaiah didn’t deserve a tribute because he never won a championship. Rondo insisted he knew Boston better than Thomas. That might’ve meant an interesting game, watching Rondo sitting right near the Cavaliers bench waiting for a turn to honor Paul Pierce.

Oh yes, though he plays for the Chicago Bulls, Rondo returned to Boston for Pierce’s retirement. That in itself was marvelous. He joined his former coach Doc Rivers and his best friend Kevin Garnett. Once a Celtic, always the Celtic.

Abruptly traded to the Lakers, Isaiah Thomas faced Rondo within the week as opposing players Laker versus Bull.

If you were surprised by the next part, you never watched a Celtics game. The two former Celtics went at each other in the first quarter several times, nasty words and physical pushes nearly turning into a brawl.  They both were ejected from the game.

Thomas insisted that Rondo was giving him a hard time for the tribute video that never happened and likely accused him of being a fake Celtic.

A true Celtic comes back to the Boston TD Garden even when he plays for another team for a ceremony because he has never shed the Celtic Green inside.

We love our former Celtics. They are never former.

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Green Pastures for Idiot Humor in L.A.

DATELINE:  Brickyard Griffin

Blake Griffin won’t be dunking over assistant equipment personnel during the NBA All-Star game.

Griffin is one of the biggest men in the game, physically. Now we learn he is one of the smallest men in the league when it comes to emotional maturity.

Griffin apologized for hitting a friend at a restaurant. In a snit of anger, the two traded insults, but because of brain mass being out of whack with his emotional and physical abilities, Griffin went ballistic and struck a smaller man repeatedly.

The result was like punching a brick wall. Brick Griffin broke his hand. This likely means he will out of action for the rest of the regular season, and the post-season (once a lock) may be less likely.

Doc Rivers, affable, down-to-earth, and fairly open for a coach, actually admitted his young players have to learn hard lessons about life because they are dunces. Rivers used to coach Rajon Rondo and knows of what he speaks.

One presumes there is a no-fault law in effect with the Clippers. Griffin will be fined for clipping, and the assistant staff member will be fired.

Griffin tried to undercut a potential lawsuit by calling the man whose lights were punched out (giving him a black eye) a close personal friend. Imagine if they didn’t like each other! Of course, this newly found friendship is a strategy to prevent a million-dollar lawsuit. Griffin will probably counter-sue, insisting the Clippers knowing hired a staff member whose head was made of cement.

Being based in Boston, we occasionally think there is no humor left in Boston sports, and we look across the nation and realize the grass is always greener in Los Angeles.

Tote That Barge, Lift That Bale, Doc Rivers

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DATELINE: Demean the One You Love

Former Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers chose to leave his rebuilding job with the decimated Celtics to go to work for a racist. He may now be wondering whether he took the wrong fork in the road.

Robert Frost could have told him that choosing one path over another would make all the difference.

Right now Doc Rivers is dealing with a road with potholes, pitfalls, and sinkholes. He may be guiding a team in the playoffs, but he didn’t need this grief.

Rivers has gone from a storied franchise in which pride was the main component—even on a bad tea—to a team where pride is merely hubris. Now he coaches a team that wears its jersey inside out to hide the shame of the team brand.

Woe unto Doc.

Perhaps Rivers knew that his cross would be more than Big Baby Davis this season. Donald Sterling was the worst open secret since rodents were discovered to be part of the Black Death.

The NFL has serial killers like Aaron Hernandez, but that kind of poison can be isolated and removed quickly. The cancer in the NBA may be worse than what John Dean warned Richard Nixon about.

MLB has had a problem with drug-enhanced players, but that was a crime of competitive young men trying to win games. The NBA has built itself on giving minorities a chance to enjoy the American Dream.

Now we learn that Dream House has a termite eating the foundation for thirty years. It may be too late for pest control.

Doc Rivers is now lifting that bale and toting that barge for a man who’d buy him 200 years ago—and demean him just as badly as now.

Brooklyn: Home for Old Celtics

DATELINE: HUMORESQUE

GarnettKevin Garnett has not proposed to Big Baby Davis, nor to Jason Collins, but he wants them more than Uncle Sam wants you.

Valentine’s Day and NBA Trade Deadline Day often become confused because teams send flowers but eschew the fatty chocolates.

First openly gay basketball star Jason Collins has been left at the altar after making a modest proposal about playing on any team that would have him. And, overeater and underachiever Glen Davis has been bought out by the Orlando team, letting him ply his wares on any street corner of his choice.

Brooklyn unloaded Jason Terry, never a real Celtic, but now wants Davis and Collins to join Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce as they make a push to avoid the lottery.

The only player Garnett would send flowers to is Rajon Rondo, but that bromance is off limits.

Garnett blew a gasket when the media hinted he had the hots for Big Baby. Garnett’s heart may be green, but not just for any former Celtic player.

You can bet your bottom dollar that KG does not want the Brooklyn Nets to let Ray Allen walk through that door.

Across the country in Los Angeles, former Celtics coach Doc Rivers also wants Glen Davis—and he wanted Garnett and Pierce too. The NBA does not like little green teams growing all over the country and put the kibosh on those reunions.

We like the idea of old Celtics becoming the new Andromeda Strain. Let them proliferate and congregate.

We will have another Celtic banner after all—it just won’t be in Boston.

Rondo Faces Another Reunion Without Sentiment

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DATELINE: THE GOOD OLD DAYS

Rajon Rondo hardly could contain himself. If he could have popped the media, he would. We expected eyerolling and snickering.

Someone dared to ask Rondo if he would be emotional to the point of sentimental crocodile tears.

“Have you ever seen me tear up?”

Well, er, hmmm, now that you mention it… not quite.

Rondo may have warm and fuzzy feelings for his former teammates Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett, but that ragged old teddy bear of love has been locked away for better days.

Rondo promised it was his intention to “destroy” his opponents. Oops, someone should tell Garnett that the little brother he loves is a brat.

We suspect that Kevin and Paul already know Rondo intimately. There is no surprise for them. They knew him when they were superstars and he was an upstart point guard telling them what to do.

No wonder they love him, understand him, and smile knowingly at every Rondoism that comes from his lips.

On the other hand, when Doc Rivers came to Boston recently with his new team, Rondo went in his street clothes to the visitors’ locker room to meet his former nemesis out of the glare of media attention.

When Kendrick Perkins comes to town for a game, you can bet your bottom dollar, gourmet chef Rondo is cooking up a storm for a private dinner.

Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett know what Rondo is and what they mean to him. You can count on it.

Mercurial Rondo is as Rondo does, and don’t you forget it.

 

 For the whole story and nothing but the funny tale, read RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR or its equally bizarre sequel RAJON RONDO & THE GREEN NEBULA. Both books are available at Amazon.com.

 

Doc Returns

DATELINE: FOLLY THE LEADER!

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As always, the media in Boston stresses out over the most mundane and preposterous of notions: will the faithful fans of Celtics Nation boo Doc Rivers? What folly.

This is not the Rivers of no return. Old Man Rivers would be back here sooner or later. He did not sell the Celtics down the river, and the team has not been up the Rivers without a paddle.

Some fans are still crying themselves a Rivers. But, in Boston, if you are talking about a banner in the 21st century, a Rivers runs through it.

Nevertheless, the Celtics changed Rivers in midstream when the horses were gone.

It’s just sooner, much sooner, though it seems like an Ice Age ago that Doc coached the now missing in action Big Three. Tonight the TD Garden becomes Big Three Rivers Stadium.

The man Doc always touted as a potential great coach is now on the bench, observing the Celtics shenanigans with his unemotional eye. We don’t mean Brad Stevens. We refer to Rajon Rondo, the real brains in Celtics Nation.

Doc and Rondo had their ups and downs when they went head to head nightly for seven years. What could you expect from a former point guard giving paternal advice to a point guard son who never listened to older men?

Rondo admitted that he would not be emotional about Doc’s return because that is not the mercurial demeanor that best suits Rajon. He will wade the wildest Rivers with his calmest face.

Still Rondo runs deep. We wonder what outfit Rondo will don for his Doc appointment. He may just give us his little Johnny togs.

To everyone’s surprise, Rondo and Doc walked together out onto the court from the visitors’ side at half-time. Rondo went over to the other side to visit his former coach. It shocked just about everyone.

You can read about the battles Rondo and Doc did in RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR or RAJON RONDO & THE GREEN NEBULA. Both books are in softcover and ebook formats–and can be found at Amazon.com.

LeBron James Opens Mouth, Inserts Two Feet

DATELINE: HUMOR!

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LeBron James finds hypocrites everywhere except in the mirror.

LeBron James called Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce a couple of hypocrites for being mean to Ray Allen after he left the Boston Celtics. In LeBron’s twisted world, Garnett and Pierce left Boston too.

Now Doc Rivers has piped in to criticize the loudmouth, blabberhead, imbecile that is LeBron James. Once a Celtic, always a Celtic, Rivers noted that Garnett and Pierce were TRADED, and they did not choose to leave Boston—like Ray Allen.

Doc noted too he chose to leave Boston, but has not criticized Ray Allen.

All of this controversy sparked angry responses from Garnett who told James to mind his own business on South Beach. Pierce was dumbfounded by the notion that he left Boston or wanted to.

Instead of admitting he was wrong, James has told media sources he is done talking about other teams. He might add that he should be done talking about anything of which he is ignorant. Of course, that would mean LeBron could only talk about his mother Gloria and Delonte West.

LeBron famously dumped Cleveland for the warm cllimes of South Beach where his talents would be on ample display with his own version of the Big Three of Garnett, Pierce, and Allen.

Defenders of LeBron think he meant to protect his dear new teammate Ray Allen who has become D’Artagnan to the photocopy Big Three of LeBron, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh.

All this goes to show that old Celtics die hard and they are not likely to fade away.

 

 

Clippers Discover Celtics Disease!

DATELINE: HUMOR!Image

The NBA has quarantined Doc Rivers from all things Celtic. Boston will not be allowed to spread its pestilence across the NBA.

Apparently in David Stern’s odd universe, ‘Ubuntu’ is something without an antidote coming out of the DNA of Boston basketball players.

Someone may have told Stern that Ubuntu is black magic from the bowels of voodoo practitioners and could be found in one of the subplots of True Blood in its last season.

Yes, the league will allow Doc to find another banner in the Los Angeles Basin, but he will not be allowed to use his time-tested players from his first championship team.

Stay away, KG and PP.

The Boston Celtics will not be able to deal any players to the Clippers for one year, or until someone finds a loophole or an inoculation to circumvent the latest craziness from the outgoing Commissioner.

There is contagion in Kevin Garnett. That mad dance he does during every game may make him a Typhoid Mary of the NBA.

If he finds himself wanting to play for Doc one more year, he could infect the younger players with something akin to a winning attitude, which is deemed an unfair advantage by the other Los Angeles team.

By the same token, Paul Pierce has been slapped with “Do Not Touch,” sign to prevent him from considering the idea of returning to his hometown in Los Angeles for a season or two.

Trader Danny Ainge may pay lip service to the antiseptic rules of the NBA, but he knows how to spread that kissing disease while looking like a man of upright morals.

http://williamrusso.us

Old Man Doc Rivers Rolls On

DATELINE: HUMOR!

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With Doc Rivers taking the same road out of town that Terry Francona used, Boston is a poorer place. You can tote that barge and lift that bale. You might as well get a little drunk.

Two of the masterful team leaders in dozens of years are now plying wares elsewheres. Francona took a year to go to Cleveland, and Rivers will go to the Los Angeles Basin.

Discard all the press conference explanations where nary an honest word is ever heard.

Francona did not let on that he was actually fired (asked to leave) till later. He said much what Doc states now: it was time for a new voice, and that perhaps he was not reaching players as he once did.

Did you hear that, Rajon Rondo?

Doc knows that all his favorites would be gone within months, and he would be faced with the most mercurial player unleashed.  Rondo may be the most frightening monster to run amok since Doc Frankenstein let his point guard down.

Rondo may be recovering from knee problems, but his biggest problem is the personality transplant no Doc could give him.

Should we be surprised to learn in two months that Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen, have joined Doc Rivers as Old Clippers (with Chris Paul) find rejuvenation?

You can count on the fact that Paul is the point guard the Big Three really wanted for the past four years: not that persnickety Rondo guy.

The good news for Rondo is that he will now become the proverbial kid in the candy shop. He likely will drool over the return of Kendrick Perkins and squawk that he wants Josh Smith at his side.

As the old song sort of hums along: “Whatever Rondo wants, Rondo gets—and Big Man, Rondo wants you.”

Danny Ainge will be the new poster boy for enabling general managers.

 http://williamrusso.us/

Doc Rivers as Hamlet: On Stage and Live!

 

 

 

DATELINE: HUMOR!

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Look out, Olivier! The New Hamlet is Coming Soon!

After a half dozen seasons as understudy to Rajon Rondo, the veteran coach Doc Rivers is ready to take his own version of Hamlet: Prince of the NBA on the road.

Fans are expected to pay big bucks to hear Rivers recite the famous soliloquy:  “To Clip or not to Clip, that is the question….”

Few Celtics fans ever expected the reliable and affable coach to give up his juicy role as Polonius season after season to go for the starring role as the indecisive prince seeking revenge.

It takes a special man to hold up the skull of Kevin Garnett in the graveyard and lament, “Alas, poor Garnett, I knew him well…”

Old Man Rivers is expected to keep on rolling along in the new West Coast production in time to be ready for the 2014 NBA Finals.

Rivers has been heard practicing some of his notable speeches, like: “Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I to work only for $7million per year…”

For some the highlight of the production is the scene in which Rivers tells Danny Ainge where to go:  “Get thee to a nunnery!”

For years Doc has been saying,  “The play’s the thing in which to catch the conscience of the Heat…”

And Doc has no remorse at all at sending his latest aides, the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of the Celtics, into oblivion.  So long, Jason Terry and Courtney Lee.

Showtime for the new production of Prince Hamlet will open in the Fall at the Los Angeles Forum. In the meantime, Danny Ainge is rehearsing a revival of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum…

Be sure you have your copy of RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR!  It’s available in softcover and ebook at Amazon.com. 
http://williamrusso.us/

Celtics Putting Caligula in Charge

DATELINE: HUMOR!

 

ImageThe most daring trade since the Red Sox dumped half a billion in losers may be on the horizon.

 

The Boston Celtics are about to unload millions for aging superstars and superstar coach.

 

Whatever happens, the idea of losing the hearts and soul of the team for the past decade is one that some unsentimental fans are eager to pursue.

 

The greater cost will be alienation of affection. There are many fans, the silent majority that will be disaffected by the callous move.

 

Beloved status and loyalty will bite the dust in the world of Danny Ainge’s rebuilt Celtics. The Human Growth Hormone may be blamed: the team must rejuvenate to grow. The march of time on old stars, set to shine on another alternative coast, leaves a taste of bitter alms.

 

The fans on the worn out eastern seaboard shall cry into their seventeen banners for a season-to-come.

 

If the deal causes a long drought of losing teams and seasons of rebuilding, the curse of Danny Ainge will be worse than any made toward the Bambino at Fenway.

 

Many experts believe such deals are madness personified on all sides, and wiser heads will refuse to participate.

 

Others know that when such a deal is consummated, the Los Angeles Clippers will have a season of Celtics fans following their every game.

 

As eras go, the Big Three of Garnett, Pierce, and Allen, is already gone. The beloved players take their coach with them—and leave the Celtics version of Caligula in charge.

 

Whether Rajon Rondo will make his horse a senator, or just execute any player that does not execute according to his plan, we expect to be quaking under Rondo’s reign.

 

 

 

 

For more on the Celtics and their mercurial point guard, read RAJON RONDO & THE GREEN NEBULA, now available on e-book or in softcover on Amazon.com.

Doc Rivers About to Clip the Celtics?

 DATELINE: HUMOR!

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The rumors don’t become uglier than this stepsister of a fairy tale ending.

Doc Rivers wants to leave Boston—and he will take Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett with him. They will leave the heavy luggage and Rajon Rondo to spin in his own juices.

Like Terry Francona, Doc has had enough of the Boston merry-go-round. He’s taking his act on the road.

If rebuilding and losing is your pat-a-cake, then you are about to give the old men a pat-a-whack. Garnett and Pierce would surely be happy to take the hike with Doc.

Whatever could the Los Angeles Clippers give the Celtics? How about a Rondo toy named Blake Griffin? Not since Norma Desmond found her young companion in Sunset Boulevard would there be a tandem like Griffin and Rondo. It would be enough to make Rondo forget Kendrick Perkins and Dwight Howard.

Alas, the Rondo juggernaut would race out of control without a strong coach.  Of course, Rondo himself could be on the block if another guard like Eric Bledsoe shows up to point the way.

Two options remain for the Celtics as coach—and one of them is NOT Rondo as player-coach.

GM Danny Ainge could step into the hot seat himself to show his critics that he is the new Red Auerbach. His second choice would be to ensconce his best friend and former teammate Kevin McHale in the job.

However the patty cake is sliced, the Celtics franchise will roll on with its devoted fan base and obsessed lunatic fringe.

A new era was on the horizon any respect within the next season or two. It’s coming now: inexorable.

 http://williamrusso.us/

To read a comprehensive and mad account of the Celtics with Doc Rivers, take a look at RAJON RONDO: SUPERSTAR in ebook or softcover. It’s available at Amazon.com.

Celtics Volcano About to Explode: Player-Coach Rondo

DATELINE: HUMOR!

ImagePlayer-Coach Rajon Rondo?

In the most alarming news of the off-season, Doc Rivers refused to confirm that he would return to the Celtics—despite his pending contract of three years still unfulfilled.

If we have learned anything about sports over the years, it is that contracts are meaningless when coaches and players are stars.

Nothing is ironclad except a defunct Civil War ship.

GM Danny Ainge hinted earlier this month that Doc would return, but it appears the Celtics organization was whistling past the graveyard. We knew something was not right in fantasyland when Ainge denied permission for other teams to offer deals to his coach.

It means Doc wants more say about the direction of the team he is expected to coach. If you think this is not a big deal, you have only to look at what happened to the NBA Coach of the Year: George Karl was summarily fired after winning that award.

Is it possible that Doc wants to pull a Ray Allen and bail out?

The deal breaker might be the retirement of Kevin Garnett and the departure of Paul Pierce. The loss of all three would be as big a story as their appearance together six years ago.

These changes would become the Krakatoa of Boston sports. That explosion was the biggest noise in human history. And, we now realize the caldera is ready to pop.

This would leave the Celtics with one of the scariest scenarios since Jason put on a hockey mask: Rajon Rondo would be, in essence, player-coach.

With all his governors gone, Rondo would become the new Richard III. No one would be able to talk to him, control him, advise him, or work with him.

Heavens to Betsy!

If you are curious about Rajon Rondo, there are two books that dissect him and put him back together:  RAJON RONDO : SUPERSTAR! and RAJON RONDO & THE GREEN NEBULA. Both are available on ebook and softcover formats. They can be found on Amazon.com.

Overpaid Boston Sports Coaches, or Boston’s Robber Barons

 

DATELINE: HUMOR!

ImageForbes Magazine once again has released its Top Ten Overpaid Coaches’ list. And, Boston’s empty trophy case for 2012-13 makes their coaches look like Robber Barons.

Coaches across the boards were lumped into one big financial Ponzi scheme. Comparing professional sports coaches from football, basketball, baseball, and hockey, likely means one thing: we can see that baseball and hockey are not major league pay-checkers.

We won’t conclude that bag boys at the local supermarket make more than the likes of Terry Francona of the Cleveland Indians or John Farrell of the Red Sox, but these guys will need a part-time job in the post-season to compete with the magnates of NFL and NBA.

You guessed it: the cost of living in Boston requires that coaches receive large salaries. Expense accounts are optimal.

Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers hit the heights at Number 4, despite not winning Banner 18. Making more than any other NBA coach makes him a champion in any league.

John Farrell and Claude Julien, of the Red Sox and Bruins, ended up on the short end of the pay stub. They aren’t even on the laundry list.

New England Patriots Head Bill Belichick has run the table of paystubs for two years running, but must try harder next year. Like Avis car rentals, he has fallen behind his number one rival:  Sean Payton now leads the national market at Numero Uno.

This rank is not bad when you consider Payton was suspended last year by his league for cheating.

Actually giving coaches the “gate” has a new meaning. Belichick had Spygate and Payton had Bountygate. Neither gate left the coaches on the outside. Their gates are swinging in profit.

Who said crime doesn’t pay?

 

You may want to read William Russo’s stories about the New England Patriots team in his book NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS UNDRESSSED! available in softcover and e-book on Amazon.com.

http://williamrusso.us/

Boston Celtics Massacre Around the Corner from TD Garden

DATELINE: HUMOR!

After another deplorable game in which half the team chose to send in a sleep-walking proxy, coach Doc Rivers has had enough. The firing squad is warming up.

 

Threats now have turned on a wholesale slaughter of the guilty and the innocent. If Doc gives up your ghost, then the Grim Reaper of the Celtics, Mr. Danny Ainge, cannot be far behind.

 

The coach singled out a rough figure of half the team playing under the level considered acceptable. In pure numbers, that could top seven players on the slow boat to oblivion.

 

After the Celtics, the end is near. Just ask Luke Harangody, or Nate Robinson.

 

The new guessing game is to come up with the roster that plays up the standards that the Doc orders. Take two players and ship them out;  then call him in the morning.

 

Tops on the safety net list is Kevin Garnett, followed by Jared Sullinger. After that it is a free-for-all, or a free-fall, parachute optional.

 

Yes, the man wielding the axe may give more than forty whacks. Ainge can outdo Lizzie Borden before the trade deadline.

 

In the present environment new names have been tossed into the hopper for a flushing—including Paul Pierce and Rajon Rondo.

 

We hardly knew you—Jeff Green, Brandon Bass, and Courtney Lee. We wonder what coast you shall land on after the tide takes you out with the flotsam.

 

What returns on the deposit bottle may not be as talented as what goes out on the tide, but we can count on one big motivation: belief in Celtics pride.