TB 12’s New Abode

DATELINE: Home Sweet Home!

 Cottage On Bay.

Tom Brady has moved to Tampa Bay. TB to TB.

Brady is renting a mansion that belongs to Derek Jeter and has 9 bathrooms. We aren’t sure how many roommates Brady is taking in. Alex Guerrero, his business partner, may be among the freeloaders.

The price is a tad pricey: $70,000 per month. It is about 30,000 square feet, including a billiard parlor. The house had to be renovated with a higher security gate, which required town permission.

Davis Islands is a resort of sorts, that is sprawling.

Some wonder why Brady chose TB. We have learned that Tampa’s neighborhood is actually one hotbed of Trump support. Yes, there is a political angle to the Brady neighborhood.

As an old fan of MAGA (he has a red hat), Trump’s former golf partner may have selected this Jeter house because it is six miles from the Bucs stadium—but even closer to Trump RE-election headquarters.

We aren’t sure how many Trump fund-raisers will be held on Brady’s rental house, but he certainly has plenty of room for all his fellow Republicans to come by for a visit.

We understand the house comes with several Ring security cameras at the front door and facing the oceanfront where canoes may start sailing past with cameras at the ready.

 

 

CBS News Gives Fox a Run in Covering All-Star Game

DATELINE: OOPS HUMOR

OBAMA & ORTIZ

MICHAEL JETER POSES WITH PRESIDENT BUSH

Edward R. Murrow over at CBS News sent out a tweet after the All-Star game of 2014 and congratulated Michael Jeter on his final appearance at the event.

Michael Jeter, sometimes known from his notorious nickname Shoeless Michael Jeter also used an alias A Hot-Rod at various times during his Yankee career. He came back to play at the All-Star game despite a season long suspension for using testosterone to enhance his sexual performance for up to four hours.

Michael Jeter has had many illustrious seasons, including one year when he hit 60 home runs in one pre-season, setting the all-time record. Some baseball purists have put an asterix next to his name.

Michael Jeter often inspired on-field melees at Fenway Park with his notorious feud with Sox star Carleton Fisk. During one fight he threw the late Gerbil, Don Zimmer, to the ground and suffered criticism for beating up an 80-year old man.

Michael Jeter was once the subject of a heralded TV movie about his friendship and rivalry with fellow Yankee Roger Moore-ass. Directed by Billy Wilder, the movie featured the famous M&M scene when her skirt was blown up while she stood over New York’s subway grates.

Michael Jeter is presently following in the illustrious steps of another Yankee, Mario Lanza, as he tours the boondocks of baseball, picking up retirement gifts and contributions to his TIAA-CREF.

Before long Michael Jeter will have his plaque on the wall next to Ty Cobbler at the Baseball Museum over at Canton, Ohio.

If CBS News has made any factual errors in this report, you can expect an OOPS tweet sooner than later.

CBS News promises no animals were injured while making this tweet.

No Cano Do Versus Cano Do Do

DATELINE: HUMOR!

 Image

Garbo Walks! and So Does Cano!

Yankees are dysfunctional—and have been for decades. Their winning is an accidental offense against talent.

The latest fiasco of bad judgment on both sides of the fence comes in the Robinson Cano case.

Instead of spending a quarter of a billion dollars on Cano, the Yankees moved on to the Red Sox pantry and bankrolled their rolling pin centerfielder for most of the money set aside for No Cano Do.

Robinson Cano will be doing a Robinson Crusoe when he lands out in the boondocks, isolated in no man’s land for the next decade and more.

Money talks, and Cano walks. The road taken by Cano is the path to hinterlands and Palookaville. Seattle is a nice place when you want to escape the flashy media blitz of the Big Apple. It’s a clear cut case of No Can Do over Cano due big bucks.

Look for Jay-Z to sabotage any deal out on the West Coast. He wants Robbie close to the clubs. It’s still a case of No Cano Do.

Cano has sent himself into exile from the high life and excitement of a major market. Even actress Greta Garbo stayed in New York when she became a recluse and retired from movies.

The Yankees are stupid enough to match whatever offer Cano comes up with, but that speaks volumes to the madness in the Yankees accounting office.

Did they learn nothing from the Alex Rodriguez contractual issues?

In ten years Robbie Cano will be old enough to be a graybeard like teammates A-Rod and Derek Jeter (who may still be on the roster).

If at first you don’t succeed, keep throwing money down the poop chute. The Yankees can’t tell a good move from a bad one nowadays. No Cano do.