DATELINE: Vocabulary Lesson for Jerry Jones & Media
This week Jerry Jones has tested our ability to play both Scrabble and do crossword puzzles. The owner of the Dallas Cowboys, mired deeply in a feud with Roger Goodell, reportedly called fellow owner Robert Kraft a mysterious name in regard to the Patriots owner’s inability to stand up to Goodell on Deflategate.
The media has given us a maddening clue by leaving out key letters of the word.
The media has also plastered the word over the airwaves, cable wires, and water-cooler discussions for men who live dangerously around women nowadays. For those who are fans of President Trump, the word may ring familiar, as he used the epithet (if that’s what it is) during his campaign against women.
In case you are wondering what the cryptic word is, we have gone to our cryptologist’s handbook to discern “P—y.”
In some more colorful stories the spelling is “p***y.” We always opt for the asterisk over the hyphen as part of our training as a literary critic.
We didn’t have to run to our crossword puzzle dictionary for the Sunday New York Times to be able to figure out what Jerry Jones and President Trump have said. The options are clear.
It is likely that Mr. Jones called Kraft “pasty.” This is ironical, if only because Jones is even more sun-deprived than Kraft, playing as it were mostly indoors at his stadium. We think Kraft is fairly pasty on his own too.
Another option is “puffy.” We have heard Sean Combs has discarded this sobriquet lately—and it is available to be put on Kraft who takes a paternal interest in his players, hence “Puffy Daddy.”
However, we realize soon enough that the best likelihood is another word: “Putty.” Yes, Kraft was putty in the hands of Goodell, and is pliable to the whims of the fans.
You say tomato, and we say “tomahto.” You say “P***y” and we say, “Putty.” Let’s call the whole thing off before our vocabulary descends into the tone-deaf style of NFL fans in general.