Odd Observations and Unusual Insights on Pats Loss

 

smashing mirror Breaking a Mirror

 

DATELINE:  Tom’s Foolhardy Mirror Smash

It’s a long way from Tipperary to the Super Bowl, and the Patriots were just ambushed out of the gate.

Cursed and crushed, the Patriots lost Super Bowl 52 in the first game of the season.

Roger Goodelle came to Gillette Stadium, saw the Patriots, and conquered the fans.

Off-hand observations soon turned into season-ending injury.

Tom scoffed as he smashed a mirror several months ago. Today, who’s laughing?

After losing Edelman in preseason, the Patriots started the season by losing Edelman’s replacement, Danny Amendola. Then,  you throw in the defensive star Donte Hightower, and your recipe for disaster is complete.

This is not a disaster on the Lines of Harvey or Irma, but make no mistake, a Category 5 hurricane named Fate just blew away the Patriots in their home turf.

It didn’t take long for the new season rot to turn  the Patriotic Belichick alchemy from gold to chaff.

Roger Goodell gave a Boston interview in which he admitted, “I’m not a football expert.” Yes, and he’s paid nearly $30million per year by the NFL.

That will certainly keep his status as no expert in the sport.

Gronk seems like a changed man. Well, anyhow, he appears to have changed his ways. During some runs, we could clearly determine that Gronk wasn’t wearing any underwear. We are not sure what this does for Tom’s advertising job for Under Armor.

As for the replacement seat of Julian Edelman, we noted that the open place on the bench next to Tom Brady was immediately taken by Danny Amendola, though he did not sit as close to Tom as Julie.

With an injury prone seat next to King Tom, no one will want to sit there for the rest of the season.

We began to keep a checklist of how many times the announcing duo mentioned that Tom Brady is 40-years-old. There was also a reference to Ponce de Leon. Next week the word of the day may be retirement.

 

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Waiting Game for the Patriots

 

 

DATELINE: A New Tom Brady (no Botox needed)

The dust has settled, and the frost is on the bog. With the regular season over, a ceasefire has been called—unless you happen to be the coach of a bad team.  Then you are shot at sunrise.

A new dawn may be upon the Patriots, but fresh starts in the playoffs are like New Year’s resolutions. They don’t last long.

Belichick swore to protect his players from additional injury, but it didn’t take long for someone to try to break Tom’s ankle.

Grandmama’s healing recipes are now in full force in a desperate attempt to make an entire team healthy in a fortnight. To remind us of how fragile life is, the last season of Downton Abbey coincided with the Patriots’ whimpering end.

Grand lifestyles come to an end eventually. The Earl of Grantham learned how tenuous the world of excess can be on the television show, and king of undrafted players, Lord Belichick, learned how quickly success can turn in its own grave.

Twenty NFL teams are now staffed by exclusive Monday morning quarterbacks. And, their job is to clean out the locker.

Most bridesmaids never catch that bouquet—and Tom’s receivers, like Gronk, never caught a pass in that last gasp attempt to hold onto the backyard advantages.

If you believe in fixes, you likely watched Peyton Manning coming off the bench to lead the Denver Broncos out of the wilderness. It looked like a script by Roger Goodell and carried out by his minions in striped shirts.

The NFL is desperate to crash Brady’s Good Ship Lollipop on the reefs of every disadvantage. The hero of this season can be anyone named Cam Newton.

Black Bats and Burning Crosses: Symbols of Victory?

DATELINE:  Panther Rallying Cry!

 

Bring on the Black Bats?

The Black Bats of the Carolina Panthers now have been revealed as an elemental part of their winning season. It’s a good luck charm used to intimidate the opponents.

We have never seen Bill Belichick’s teams resort to black bats. One wonders if black bats trump deflated footballs as a black eye on the integrity of the game.

The NFL prevents players from wearing any article of clothing that they deem detrimental to the game: like a pink shoe to honor a mother who died of breast cancer.

However, Goodell’s NFL goons and goose-steppers will gladly allow the crypto-Nazi symbol of a black bat. If we had gangstas doing this on the streets of New York, the police would have their tasers at the ready.

You may well ask how a baseball bat fits in the uniform policy of the NFL, which generally does not allow the swung bat to stop the receivers.

Panther apologists include their coach who notes that it is merely a symbol or a metaphor that the players are swinging for the fences—again a baseball reference to hitting a home run.

Why not carry a lacrosse stick? They are longer and have a more deadly reach. Why not drive a tank onto the field to fire up your team with Patton’s blood and guts as a symbol?

The notion that a black bat is an innocent article of sportsmanship is nearly as ludicrous as the notion that calling Oddsmell Beckham a ballerina is all part of the fairness of love and war.

Where is your overbearing NFL, fans? We think wearing white hoods and holding burning crosses might also intimidate other teams or their star players, but we haven’t seen that in the pregame rituals–yet.

NFL Blames Brady for the Ills of World

DATELINE: Goodell’s Growing Paranoia

NFL Seeks Tom Brady’s Head

The NFL’s latest brief against Tom Brady in a court appeal of their Deflate-gate catastrophe is shocking.

With each legal step, the NFL seems to change the charges against Tom.

In a regular judicial proceeding, this would be unconstitutional. In the NFL it is in the best tradition of Adolph Hitler and colleagues at the local concentration camps.

Now the Roger Goodell kookoo bird contingent feels Brady has undermined confidence in the game and eroded public goodwill. They stop short of accusing him of poisoning the water supply of every team in the NFL except New England. If you believe the hyped up and hopped up attorneys on retainer for the NFL, then you may begin to think conservative Tom is on the payroll of some radical Islamic terrorist group.

Next, we expect Brady to be nominated by the NFL for the no-fly list. That would effectively stop him from playing in most games of the season.

Yet, on the same day, the public whom the NFL says is jaded and disenfranchised by Brady actually made him the biggest vote getter of the NFL for the Pro Bowl.

It smells distinctly like the media campaign against Donald Trump. The more the public supports him, the more the media disparages him with false charges, accusing him of being unfit to be president. It sounds like the same people who hate Brady also hate Trump.

The Wells report originally charged Brady with being “generally aware” of deflated footballs, but now the NFL feels he is orchestrating one of the great conspiracies in the history of the world. Move over, John Wilkes Booth and shooter on the grassy knoll.

The NFL is soon to reveal a magic bullet that Brady used to deflate balls by means of voodoo and paranormal influence.

Save us from the maroons of the NFL.

NFL Puts Lips Together & Blows

whistlegate

DATELINE: WHISTLEGATE

That’s Buffalo Bob’s Bills, Howdy Doody Rexy.

The Bills have come due—and whether Belichick has cash on hand, or credit up his hoodie sleeve only the four quarters will tell. Magician T-Rex Ryan plans on pulling quarters out of Tom Brady’s nose.

T-Rex’s defensive attack tormented Tom Brady, but truly befuddled the officiating crew, one of the worst Roger Goodell could send to Foxboro.

The big game did not test the ability to stay up late. It was paranoid fun.  It does test the ability to rise on Tuesday morning to work as per usual, but it sent Patriot fans into a frenzy of paranoia beyond their usual fringe.

Inadvertent Whistlegate showed up on Goodell’s doorstep screaming like a newborn banshee. Yes, blame the NFL for Whistle-gate.

Every game is different—and blowing out the Bills, a la the earlier game, may be like blowing smoke rings. You can’t have a Super Bowl ring unless you can blow smoke rings around your most arrogant and semi-talented opponents. The NFL just blew their whistles like Lauren Bacall did to Bogie.

Between the referees’ attempts to throw the game back to the Bison, Belichick prevailed—and the sight of Rex Ryan throwing an F-laden tirade on the sidelines made the game a classic of ineptitude.

Former Pat Rodney Harrison has said he hoped the Patriots would lose this one in order to relieve the pressure on them for a perfect season. It’s like wondering if the Patriot O-rings resemble the old NASA problem. We know the inevitable is closer than ever after last night’s victorious fiasco.

The Bills have been sent to clean the outhouse for another season, and they ought to be joined by the so-called officiating crew.

Our Hunchback of Gillette Stadium: Tom Brady!?

DATELINE: Not an Animal!

 

Featured image   Bradymodo! or is that Quasi-Tom?

Of all the grave injustices done to Tom Brady, we never suspected that the worst of the worst would come from a court-deigned sketch artist with delusions of Picasso and Munch.

Yes, Jane Rosenberg sketched Tom in court in such a light that she missed the fact that his suit was blue seersucker, not brown off the rack.

The artist took a beating on social media, with good cause. She ought to go and cut off one of her ears to improve her art. She told press and media she had not digested the horror she had committed, saying, she was sorry she didn’t make Tom look prettier. He is, in her estimation, quite pretty.

We thought she threw in a touch of the Elephant Man into her artwork. We expected that Tom would stand up at the hearing and cry out, “I am a man, not an animal!”

Alas, we think the artist is not a fan of Tom Brady. She didn’t paint what she saw—what artist does? She painted the movie she watched the night before going to work. Yes, we saw it immediately—especially the lumps around the eyes.

Rosenberg saw Tom Brady as Quasimodo, as depicted in 1939 by Charles Laughton and MGM’s best makeup men.

Hideous is not a word often applied to Tom, but he was morose in the courtroom, despite the support Judge Berman gave him by grilling the NFL lawyer.

Tom did not laugh, chuckle or guffaw with the rest of the courtroom when jokes were made about deflation. This is serious business for the quarterback, and he wore his game face.

We just never saw before the resemblance between Tom Brady and Quasimodo, Victor Hugo’s bell-ringer.

Someone ring Tom’s bell, please.

Richie Incognito Accuses Goodell of Character Assassination

DATELINE: Another Wronged Man

Featured image

When notorious Richie Incognito gives an interview, we might not listen. He was the man deemed a bully with the Miami Dolphins, but suddenly he looks like another man slandered and libeled by the NFL.

Incognito told Newsday magazine that he has great sympathy for Tom Brady because his character was assassinated by the NFL procedures too. We might have laughed at this criticism of Goodell a year ago. Now we are not so sure.

Incognito claims that Ted Wells had a mission to ignore facts and put him in the worst possible light. He said recently that the same has occurred with Tom Brady.

Incognito has concluded that Roger Goodell has too much power and too often violates basic human rights for his own agenda. He believed evidence that would have changed the perception of how he ha been judged was shaded by Wells and his “independent” investigation, which is known in some circles as a hatchet job.

Perhaps a man whose reputation is in tatters is hardly going to be a great character witness, except that he was destroyed in an NFL public relations attack that set the model for the bigger and more corrosive style that has been employed to put Tom Brady into a state of pillory.

Stocks on the Boston Common with rotten tomatoes thrown by Jets, Ravens, and Colts fans, might be an equivalent to the four game suspension Brady has been dealt.

The Puritan witch hunt of Roger Goodell is on a par with the other local New England scandal, the Salem Witch Trials.

Yes, those victims were found guilty by a system that tossed fairness away in favor of overzealous hate. Richie Incognito knows of what he speaks.