Is It Real??? or Just Another Movie!*

realkindlecover cover pictures include real and fake!

DATELINE:  New Book of Movie Reviews

Ossurworld wants to announce that a collection of reviews and commentaries on documentaries, docudramas, and biopics, is now available on Amazon.com for discerning movie fans and smart readers.

If Pontius Pilate asked, “What is truth?” he’d be accused today of being a fake news critic…We have mixed up the real documentaries with those based on a true story in this compendium. You likely can guess when you have a real documentary on your hands, but not always. Sometimes it’s a biopic, or a docudrama, or just speculative facts and opinion. Sometimes the film is a masterpiece, and sometimes it’s just another movie.

We are sure that Ossurworld will start giving these away with a set of dishes sometime in the future. We think these reviews are swell, sometimes even funny. We hope you will too.

*Includes a few TV reviews.

 

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Night Must Fall, or at Least Trip Lightly

wacky mcavoy

DATELINE:  Shyamalan’s Latest

Producers continue to give M. Night Shyamalan money to make movies of his choice, despite commercial and critical disparaging words.

The latest is called Split, about a man (if you can call him that in a supernatural thriller) with 24 personalities.  That’s a personality disorder with capital letters. It is about as overwrought as hyperbole can make it.

Shyamalan wrote this as well as directed. In terms of his writing, this film obviously came together after he saw William Wyler’s The Collector from 1965. That film is about a disturbed young man who kidnaps a beautiful girl and keeps her prisoner in hopes of making her fall in love with him.

This time, the man with the identity disorder kidnaps three women and keeps them prisoner in an elaborate underground prison. At least the John Fowler story of The Collector explained how he won the lottery which financed his mad caprices.

That’s not enough here. Shyamalan adds a touch of Hannibal Lecter and Psycho to the mix. That should pile-on adequately.

Don’t misjudge: this film has a rather wild performance by James McAvoy who limns about six personalities. He is highly watchable. Betty Buckley plays his therapist who is a classic enabler.

Shyamalan has all his usual Hitchcockian pretenses at hand: he makes a cameo again, sets all his films in Philadelphia, and loves to hear echoes of other movies. If you think this is his best since Sixth Sense, he will agree with you—as the sequel is already on the books, Mr. Glass.

Indeed, Bruce Willis makes a cameo at the end to promote the sequel. Nothing like trying to microwave your stew to guarantee an audience smells the aroma.

The film reaches the outer limits by the end credits, trying to sell us that psychosis is actually a means to reach the supernatural. Our grandmother used to say, “Balderdash,” and it still fits.

Ancient Aliens Meets Curse of Oak Island

DATELINE: Cross-Pollination of History

We are always delighted when reality shows cross paths.

Take for instance Ancient Aliens and Curse of Oak Island. We were surprised to find the basic opening of Oak Island hijacked for the Ancient Alien episode about King Tut.

Apparently the curse of King Tut and the curse of Oak Island may be tied together by space aliens. This makes a grand opportunity to take the opening credits for Oak Island and weave them into the show on ancient alien theories.

This gives the Lagina Brothers of Oak Island a chance to do a guest starring role on another History channel show. Voilà, you have free publicity to transcend both series.

Mainly it appears that each curse, from Tut to Oak Island, has claimed seven lives. That’s the opening the Lagina reality show, which says a seventh person must die. Young King Tut has already gotten his seven.

According to Ancient Alien theorists, buried treasures have been cursed by aliens with technological incantations that send voice-activated electrocution bolts to interlopers. Whew. Who knew?

Ancient Astronaut theorists believe the Ark of the Covenant is hidden at Oak island. This ties into the stone tablets discovered in Tut’s tomb somehow.  How? Well, King Tut’s uncle, Thutmose was actually Moses, and he took the Ark out of Egypt. This theory came first from Sigmund Freud!!

The Ark contained an alien device of immense power. When it was discovered by the Knights Templar, they brought it to Oak Island.

Are you still there?

This explains the mystery stone discovered in the shaft of Oak Island as having properties of Ancient Egyptian curse tablets. This means the Ark with its extraterrestrial powers is buried on Oak Island.

We expect further pollination of shows when the tomb of Laura Palmer is discovered at Twin Peaks, proving she is a goddess of ancient Egypt.

Oh, you disbeliever. Curses, foiled again.

The Aliens Are Coming!

 DATELINE:  New Paul Revere Warning!

Ancient Aliens begins Season 12 with a couple of episodes that further the evolving notion that the ancient astronauts of lore were NOT benevolent. There has been a change in tone, and the early episodes now seem to be less happy that something is out there.

A new opening season comes up with the idea that Reagan’s Star Wars is a concept to protect the Earth. A base on the Moon, done perhaps with some helpful aliens, has been established to keep an eye to the sky for the bad guys’ return.

Indeed, there is a growing belief that the venerable series is now a pathway for the government to plant the idea that we ought to be ready for life on other planets. The 2017 episodes won’t say so, but hints that failed North Korean nuclear tests are the result of alien intervention.

The second episode of the new season turns out to be a classic of investigation and revelation: taking on a mysterious sphere located in Florida in 1974 (then mysteriously confiscated by the government). It featured atomic weight inside that made it extremely dangerous if drilled open.

Where did it come from? Perhaps it is explained by the discovery, revealed in depth, that King Tut’s knife has finally been analyzed—discovered to be forged out of alloys unknown in Ancient Egypt, perhaps from a meterorite.

And also in 2017, there is an uncovering of the Iron Wedge, located in Romania 40 years ago, and hidden. It was another alloy chunk of metal found with mammoth bones, dating back 40,000 years. What gives?

We are troubled when Erich Van Daniken and his wild haired protégé are shown an object, handled by the curator with gloves, and they pick it up with bare hands. It tells us all you want to know about self-importance and suspect science.

Ancient Aliens has plenty of theories, compelling us into the rest of the season of shows.

Bieber & the Mayan Connection

Mayan Woes for the Latest Generation

 

It’s almost as bad as having Justin Bieber climbing among the Mayan ruins and destroying them with his vandal rich attitude. The pop star was at Tulum, Mexico, on holiday and went scampering where ruins are not fully excavated.

They threw the book at him. If the Mayans were still around, they’d have cut out his heart.

In true adventurous spirit, Bieber came to Boston this week and wandered on the Boston Common barefoot. His bravery was thought foolhardy.

Speaking of which, in a semi-related matter, a teenager examining satellite photos of the Yucatan noted square and rectangular shapes under the vegetation. Voila, he found a lost Mayan city.

Now, the slug Ph.D.s did not take kindly to this. Here is someone with no degrees usurping the insights of the so-called experts. As one with a Ph.D., we are the first to tell you the intelligence of such doctors is rather limited. In fact, you have to be a dullard to muddle through doctoral programs. We should know.

Jealousy in the professions wastes much gray matter.

No one has yet to go into the jungle to thin out the bushes and see if a pyramid or city square may be under the centuries of rain forest.

However, smug doctors of ancient antiquities can say “junk science” is responsible for creative thinking and accidental discovery. We suspect that every innovator was guilty of junk science to his contemporaries.

So, we take our hats off to the Bieber generation. Their treasure is the junk of scholars.