DATELINE: The Bell Tolls
We are at the deathbed of Deflate-gate and praying for a peaceful end. We have seen extreme unction anointed daily on the foreheads of deflated egos. We have heard the hammering of nails into coffins. But nothing prepared us for the bubble-headed death knell of footballs “per square inch.”
And we are not under ground yet, but remain grounded. As far as we can report, we have thrown the yellow flag at the NFL for intentional grounding of Tom Brady.
Judge Richard Berman has called upon the Grim Reaper to visit the case and help him render an opinion.
Some experts claim that this is truly an end because no appeal court will hear the case after the highly respected and Solomon-like judge makes his pronouncement. Half a football is better than none. Cutting the pigskin in half makes for a half-baked game. Choose your poison.
We don’t hear a death rattle yet, but many others have expressed their wishful thinking on the matter.
For two hundred days and two hundred pages, we have put forth chuckle after chuckle, moan after moan, and sigh after sigh. Can it be we are now all done or just John Donne? Are blogs ever really dead? Or do they live on in the Internet for eternity? Do you hear that church bell tolling for thee?
We have felt like the man in the waiting room for the dentist’s call. There is seldom a fatality from a scraping of plaque off the enamel. It is simply excruciating. And Tom Brady’s white teeth will smile at us just as they always have after all is done.
That sound in the distance is the bell tolling for Deflate-gate. And it reminds us we are due for another six-month checkup at the dentist.