Breaking a Mirror
DATELINE: Tom’s Foolhardy Mirror Smash
It’s a long way from Tipperary to the Super Bowl, and the Patriots were just ambushed out of the gate.
Cursed and crushed, the Patriots lost Super Bowl 52 in the first game of the season.
Roger Goodelle came to Gillette Stadium, saw the Patriots, and conquered the fans.
Off-hand observations soon turned into season-ending injury.
Tom scoffed as he smashed a mirror several months ago. Today, who’s laughing?
After losing Edelman in preseason, the Patriots started the season by losing Edelman’s replacement, Danny Amendola. Then, you throw in the defensive star Donte Hightower, and your recipe for disaster is complete.
This is not a disaster on the Lines of Harvey or Irma, but make no mistake, a Category 5 hurricane named Fate just blew away the Patriots in their home turf.
It didn’t take long for the new season rot to turn the Patriotic Belichick alchemy from gold to chaff.
Roger Goodell gave a Boston interview in which he admitted, “I’m not a football expert.” Yes, and he’s paid nearly $30million per year by the NFL.
That will certainly keep his status as no expert in the sport.
Gronk seems like a changed man. Well, anyhow, he appears to have changed his ways. During some runs, we could clearly determine that Gronk wasn’t wearing any underwear. We are not sure what this does for Tom’s advertising job for Under Armor.
As for the replacement seat of Julian Edelman, we noted that the open place on the bench next to Tom Brady was immediately taken by Danny Amendola, though he did not sit as close to Tom as Julie.
With an injury prone seat next to King Tom, no one will want to sit there for the rest of the season.
We began to keep a checklist of how many times the announcing duo mentioned that Tom Brady is 40-years-old. There was also a reference to Ponce de Leon. Next week the word of the day may be retirement.
DATELINE: Hurricane Harvey Solutions
Hurricane Harvey may cause millions to flee areas about to be devastated by a Category 4 storm with winds over 140 mph.
Fear not, citizens. The Trump Homeland Security promises that checkpoints along the route will operate as usual, even if you are delayed from escaping the fury of Nature.
You must bear with the Homeland Security folks who put your life in danger because they have a job to do: find those pesky illegals who are trying to save their lives from natural disaster.
Of course, this means you are damned if you do, and deported if you do. The upshot is that an unknown quantity of people will stay in harm’s way.
President Trump sent out one of his patented tweets that essentially said, “Rotsa Ruck,” like he was a Jetson dog.
“Good job, Brownie,” as President Bush once notoriously said as thousands died in Hurricane Katrina, and countless others suffered violence and lawlessness..
To that end, Emergency Shelters will become Roach Motels. Illegal aliens will check in—but won’t be allowed to check out.
FEMA Emergency Shelter
Yes, the storm will become the Trump Pied Piper, leading the tired and huddled masses to deeper dangers and fears.
What’s a little phobia? Every day brings a little death in Texas where you cannot trust civil servants to be civil, or provide you with food and water unless you have papers to prove you are an American citizen.
There is no rest for those seeking refuge from poverty—or from impending doom. Your federal government is at work, like the Post Office, neither rain, wind, nor President Trump, will stop them from doing the work of the Grim Reaper.
Good job, Trumpie.
DATELINE: A Timely Movie from 20 Years Ago
With racial tension once again dominating the United States and with a president defending white supremacists as “many fine people,” we felt it was time to take a look at a 20-year old movie called Mandela & De Klerk.
Somehow, in our blithe ignorance, we missed this small film in 1997 when Sidney Poitier and Michael Caine took on the roles of the title. We doubt today’s self-righteous and self-leftists are even able to sit down and watch a thoughtful movie.
After 27 years in jail in a society based on racial divisions, Nelson Mandela’s movement to end apartheid flourished with millions of African people pitted against a minority of white people.
With the emergence of a reasonable and man of moral scruples in F.W. De Klerk came the détente and building of a relationship built on racial equality, if not a stronger tolerance.
To have two superstars come to play the roles gives the newsreel based footage something more intimate and human. The film was made on location in South Africa, and the actors are clearly well-chosen for their parts in delineating how race riots can be quelled by good men in temperate mode.
We usually eschew preachy movies, or overtly political allegories—but this film now seems more apt than ever for another country that has too long taken on a holier-than-thou attitude in the world.
Neo-Nazis, crypto-Nazis, and their ilk, have come to hate the loss of “white” culture in a world where inevitably the American nation will be dominated by minorities when people of color become the American majority within 50 years, or less.
It may be time to wake up and smell the coffee, whether you are alt-right, or alt-left, or just alt-of-this-world.
DATELINE: Great Wall of China Meets Great Brady
When Under Armor sends Tom Brady around the world in eight days, you can expect some great moments.
Phileas Finn had his sidekick, and Tom Brady had his young son along for the ride.
So, the Greatest of All Time in football quarterbacking met the Greatest of All Time in Walls. It was enough to make President Trump jealous. Or, perhaps Tom was there to give Trump a report on how well walls work in the world.
Sublime met the ridiculous again when Brady decided to doff his shirt (not stolen by agents of North Korea) and do a tag team wrestling match against some heavyweight Sumo guys.
Tom is not quite the Pillsbury Doughboy when it comes to muscle, but he is not Arnold either. He posed, rather ill-advisedly with Sumo wrestlers in their diaper wraps. Tom had the good taste to wear his patented sleepwear pantaloons.
Some Brady groupies are agog at the fleshpot photos of Brady among the Sumos. We are less impressed that Sumo like it hot.
Pictures like these generally come back to haunt. In this case, it may never go away long enough to be missed. We may take a long time to try to expunge the image from our memory banks.
We can’t imagine that Tom will sell his sleepware to many wrestlers who seem to revel in having their hot flesh bare in bed.
We aren’t sure who is advising Tom on this latest cavort. At least he managed to escape the clutches of his own Passepartout, Julian Edelman, for a few days.
DATELINE: LeBron James as Laura Palmer, Trump as D.B. Cooper
Chicken or egg? We can’t figure out if the Trump Administration has prepared us for the new series Twin Peaks, or whether Twin Peaks has prepared us for the continuing weirdness of the Trump presidency.
When we see President Trump putting his hands on a glowing orb, we know there is a conspiracy of billionaires to control the world. Of course, it is merely a futuristic ribbon-cutting scene from the most recent Star Wars movie. Either that, or it is opening a gateway to an alternate universe, like the plots of Twin Peaks.
By the same token, we feel as if watching the Cleveland Cavaliers with the Boston Celtics is like knitting by Madame Defarge while royalty is having their heads chopped off.
On Twin Peaks, agent DB Cooper has returned to the northwest after disappearing for 25 years. That David Lynch has such a sense of humor. So far, McLachlan has not rubbed any glowing orbs, but has kissed dead Laura Palmer (Cheryl Lee).
On the Celtics, little Cousin IT (Isaiah Thomas) and AB (Avery Bradley) are from the same neck of the woods in Washington state which happens to be the setting for Twin Peaks. It could explain a lot about how the Celtics are playing like Laura Palmer’s body wrapped in plastic.
Even stranger, we were amazed to see Kyle McLachlan and Sheryl Lee looking just like they stepped out of a 1990s TV show. It becomes even more amazing when David Lynch has to inject a phrase at the end of every episode of the show that the episode is dedicated to the memory of one of the cast members who is now dead. We mean really really dead dead, like the log lady Catherine Coulson and the FBI agent played by Miguel Ferrer.
As for the dead Celtics, they are merely playing in an alternate universe, sort of like Twin Peaks 25 years later. If there is a glowing orb in the NBA, they better start rubbing it now. Lebron is no Laura Palmer.
DATELINE: Presidential or Green?
Jelly O’Sully for President?
The Celtics season opener went head to head with the third Republican Presidential debate. The similarities were striking.
The Celtics have fielded about as many players as there are people running for president on the GOP side. The winnowing process appears to be slow and methodical. Those we expected to fall by the wayside have held firm—and so have the candidates. Most had predicted that Rand Paul and Jared Sullinger would be playing another game before the summer was over.
Marco Rubio and Isaiah Thomas have come off the bench, but want to be starters. And the pine riders to start the season are still four Republicans who cannot crack one percent support. Brad Stevens has ten who dare to play, and four or five others who may be off the Gallup Poll come Christmas.
The Celtics are one up one the Republicans because there is one Smart player in Green. We haven’t found too many claiming to be a Smart defensive whiz in the GOP field, though all advocate a strong defense, winning the approval of Brad Stevens.
There were five steals among the Celtics in their first game, and there were five insults from the media at the debate. There are nearly as many doubters among sports media as among CNBC.
Tyler Zeller seemed to be the Kasich of the team, receiving little respect and finding himself on the end of the bench by halftime. Dr. Carson and Avery Bradley seem to be rising stars at the moment.
If Rondo were on this team, we might have our Trump. As it is, we have to give the title to Tommy Heinsohn who trumps all know-it-alls when it comes to insight and opinion.
We have seen a bunch of road shows for the GOP debating team, but the Celtics don’t go on the road for another week.
Stay tuned. Someone is bound to throw a brick or sling some mud before much longer.