Trump’s New Idiot Cards

DATELINE: How to Influence People!

idiot list

To humanize President Trump, his aides now give him a crib sheet.

Yes, to help him remember how to be sensitive and how to conduct himself as a decent member of society, he is now given a sheet of instructions to carry with him in large block print.

All the easier to read for this self-professed “stable genius.”

Poor social skills are often the sign of genius, but in this case the lack of social skills may be more a sign of his lack of humanity. Trump is a human slug.

What do these cheat-sheet comments tell Trump?

He is to say, “I hear you.”

He should ask people, “What can I do to help?” We are not talking complex, hard-to-conceive commentaries. We are talking every-day, mundane, off-the-cuff throwaways.

Of course, there is no way to know if Trump will hear the answers to his comments, or even care what it is said. He may be on to the next point on his “top ten humanity points” list.

We may well ask who compiled a list of comments for him to make to those people who are not billionaires or millionaires, as he has often indicated he doesn’t think much of people who haven’t made a lot of money in their lives.

The humorist finds all these qualities or lack of qualities in President Trump to be fodder for jokes, but we also shake our proverbial noggin at the notion that we have a leader who knows nothing about how to talk to the people he purports to lead.

Trump doesn’t care, and neither do his apologists.

Oh, yes, Trump no longer has supporters. He must constantly be surrounded with people ready to apologize for his foibles, idiot character, and basic lack of humanity.




CNN Tapper All Tapped Out on Patriots

DATELINE:  Another Strange Bedfellow

 tapped out

Foxy Tapper and Friends

If you wondered about the objectivity of CNN reporters and on-air personalities, you now have more evidence of “Fake News.”

Maybe Donald Trump is on to something when he dismisses the journalistic integrity of CNN’s stable of political assassins.

CNN’s host with the least, Jake Tapper, after taking a paid trip to the Minnesota-Philadelphia playoff game, as a gift from the Eagles organization, then gave an interview in which he accused the Patriots of being “cheaters.”

Pardon us for asking if this is cricket, let alone football.

With an expensive bribe in his pocket, Tapper took his pediatrician father with him to make even a wannabe Dr. Spock complicit in his crime.

If you wondered whether Jake Tapper was dropped on his head as a baby, you now have evidence.

Can it be the outburst by Tapper is motivated by the fact that Patriot owner Bob Kraft, Patriot coach Bill Belichick, and Patriots star Tom Brady, are all friends of Donald Trump?

You may now seriously question CNN’s integrity, as the pot calls the Patriot kettle, black.

Interviewed on his own network, Tapper showed his innate idiocy by proclaiming on national TV: “The Patriots are cheaters, Brooke. The Patriots cheat,” Tapper said. “This is just a fact as established by investigations. They’re a cheating team … The facts speak for themselves.”

As if it were not self-evident about this truth, Tapper shamelessly labeled himself a lifelong Eagles fan, and he criticized the strategies employed by the Patriots.

We might ask the same about the strategies used by CNN.

Is it time to fire Jake Tapper?


Scorched Earth of Belichick

DATELINE:  What Follows

Saluting BB

Fans may be a little disconcerted to learn that, if Bill Belichick leaves the New England Patriots in a snit, he will destroy everything he has created and leave mere ashes to his successor, whoever that dumb associate is.

If you think Josh McDaniels or Matt Patricia is prepared to pick up the pieces, or capable of saving the franchise, you will not be surprised they are moving onward.

Scorched Earth will mean that whatever is left will be in a messy state: like an aging Brady and his guru Guerrero running the team. Doddering Robert Kraft will surrender more power to his dim-wit son. We’ve seen in other cases of primogeniture how that works out in the NFL.

Will Bill depart after this season, perhaps with yet another Super Bowl trophy, and return the Pats back to their pathetic Patsie ways before he arrived? Ah, yes, the happy days of Pete Carroll!

Look at what may happen. The Patriots will have a 41-year-old quarterback on his last legs. His successor-in-emergency will be Brian Hoyer, a man who has lost in seven franchises.

Coordinators Josh McDaniels and Matt Patricia will happily move on to other teams.

Front office genius Nick Caserio will leave for greener pastures.

Without Jimmy G, the Patriot future is bleak. Perhaps he will re-sign in free agency.

Otherwise, Brian Hoyer will mostly help the aging Brady on and off the field for the next five to ten years.

It was always the strategy of the Roman emperors to leave the nation in worse hands after his departure.

The logic was that the former emperor, now gone, will be much better appreciated if those taking up his job and his successors are deplorable.

Time and time again in Ancient Rome, the Empire crumbled because worse and worse emperors followed each other, rewarded because they would insure the previous leader was missed, appreciated, and honored.

There is no head coach on earth who can follow Bill Belichick.  The crying of fans will have just begun.


What comes in his wake when he leaves is the fall of the Patriot Empire.







Season 3 Episode 1 Looking in All the Wrong Places

DATELINE:  Reich or Wrong?

baer & kennedy Looking Askance

If you learned anything from the first episode of the new series, Hunting Hitler: The Final Evidence, it’s that the search from the first two seasons was off-base and out-of-country.

Yep, instead of South America, Bob Baer and his crackerjack team start looking back at the old Fuhrerbunker to see if they missed something.

Sure enough, they did.

It now appears that Hitler left his Berlin hole in the wall two weeks before the purported suicide—and Einsenhower even had such reports secretly delivered.

Baer is now wearing glasses (not sure if it’s attitude or real glass), all the better to find clues on his big computer screen. And, he ditched UN Researcher John Cincech, who is now demoted to the Tracking Oswald show. So, the ‘yes, man’ is now replaced with a ‘yes, woman.’

Her name is nothing that matters:  Nada Bakos, some kind of CIA profiler who tells Bob he is right every time.

The team now figures Hitler went south with the snowbirds and discover he had a 3-mile island of tunnels under his hometown hideaway. Leave it to Tim Kennedy to go through mucky holes and dive into heavy water U-boats.

And Gerrard Williams challenges the fashion police by continuing to wear an untied ascot.

Baer is using the same supercomputer that helped his track down Oswald’s movements, and they do have some quite intriguing discoveries along the way. The result appears to be the same: Hitler escaped and gave the world the air.

We love this stuff, but continue to be a bit uneasy that the Fourth Reich was, and is, still out there.


Oak Island Confounds and Taunts Its Treasure Hunters

DATELINE:  Season 5 Puzzles

affluenza sufferer  Move over, Greed

History buffs had a night to confound and impress with the latest fifth season episodes of The Curse of Oak Island.

Every wild theory found more evidence for its support and together all the most shocking hints combined to create a true treasure trove.

Oh, there were the usual dead ends:  finding a large square of earth that hinted at a treasure chest was immediately set upon by the hunters—only to reveal a big hole with nothing in it. The conclusion of the treasure seekers was that something was there once, but had been dug up and removed back in the distant past. They suggest it was black American expatriate Sam Ball who died in 1846 after becoming wealthy.

Adding to the general weirdness was another historian who revealed that Sir Francis Drake might be buried on Oak Island in a metal coffin filled with preservative mercury. The remains of the privateer of the first Queen Elizabeth has never been found. Might the metal pieces discovered belong to his casket?

On top of that, so to speak, is the shoe leather, later revealed through microscopic examination to be bookbinding. Did Drake’s close associate, Francis Bacon, bury secret and unknown Shakespearean manuscripts on Oak Island? That too is now in play.

Two distinct and separate human bones discovered at 160 feet below the ground in the same place were from two different men: one European—and one from the Middle East, according to DNA.  Middle Eastern body parts suggest Knights Templar and the long lost Ark of the Covenant—and perhaps other relics of the New Testament, which would alter history.

All these weird details hint at a treasure trove of unmitigated mystery coming closer to solution and discovery.

This leaves greedy sorts who want only gold of the Aztecs on the periphery of the treasure hunt.

Of course, everything is in shards and tatters, perhaps destroyed by hunting techniques that have left them unprotected two hundred feet below the surface.

We shall see if history is about to be upended.


To Goggle or Not to Goggle, Jaylen Brown!

DATELINE:  Jaylen’s Wear Daily Reports

 clark kent

Jaylen Brown’s eyes don’t have it. Goggles don’t make his brown eyes blue. Goggles have given him a headache and a black eye in the fashion world.

Brown’s fashionplate goggles have bitten the dust in Jaylen’s locker. We are back to contact lenses, limited to two to three hours per day. Jaylen has decided those hours are game time.

Apparently the intellectual look is not the best way to see eye to eye with the basketball. The Brown Green Lantern has tried three options now, and finds he prefers contact lenses, no matter how encrusted his eyelids may become after inflammation.

We first recommended cleaning the lenses regularly, or perhaps wearing a new, fresh pair of eyeballs. That can only occur after the infection heals.

Jaylen, a 21 year old smarty pants, is worried about the windows to his soul. If you look at those those big brown panes, you may see a young man in pains.

At first he claimed the goggles were constrictive, or perhaps he simply was intolerant about giving them a chance. Then he had a second pair made, that were too tight around his egghead. Loose straps mean more traps.

He ripped off the goggles and played with bad eyesight for most of his worst game of the season. It seems he could not see much—his vision being a big blur without corrective lenses.

Yes, we recommend playing with corrected vision, Jaylen. He barely could see the hoop the other day when he threw out all lens assistance.

Old habits die hard, and contact lenses are here to stay. If Jaylen cannot accept goggles, we won’t judge him too harshly. Even the Celtics Yoda, Tommy Heinsohn, said that Jaylen Brown played better without goggles.

The Green Lantern of Brown has bats in his belfry and a pointed noggin when it comes to the notions counter of goggles-to-wear. He has batted his big beautiful eyes once too often.

Fashion and taste are all important in basketball, if you ask the young man who likes to wear short shorts against the grain of fellow players.  Jaylen has so far resisted the urge to ask the advice of Jayson Tatum, his nemesis.


Is This the End of Tom Brady?

DATELINE: One Bad Game Spoils the Barrel of Apples

botox forever

 We don’t want to be the last ones on the bandwagon. So, here goes….

On Monday night against in Miami Dolphins, the fans of Tom Brady had their first ugly glimpse into the future. The crystal ball may be more cracked than a mirror in Brady’s den.

The TB12 Method has failed us!

If you wondered what an aging Tom Brady looks like in terms of football success, you saw it first hand in the catastrophic loss to the Dolphins on Monday night. It looked a bit like Death on Miami Beach. He could not convert a third down and his passes never reached their mark.

Back in the day when Brett Favre started to go sour, we believe something similar happened.

Is anyone thinking that Brady can age overnight like a ripe melon? At what point does the milk in your refrigerator actually begin to curdle?

Have we reached the curdling point of Brady?

In case you’re wondering about what happens when the Belichick Empire falls, Jimmy G is on the other side of the country on the West Coast, winning games there for the foreseeable future. The man sitting next to Brady is aging Brian Hoyer who couldn’t cut it as a starter on other teams. And, the future is Tom, whether he has lost the directions to the Fountain of Youth, or not.

If age has suddenly caught up with Brady and his magic elixir has run out, the season will be going downhill rapidly. We should remember that even the unsinkable Titanic went down in two hours.




Celtic Jaylen Brown: Out with Bad Eyesight

DATELINE:  No Attitude Glasses for Jaylen

how smart is this guy?

Marcus Smart in Attitude Glasses

Boys who wear glasses seldom make passes in the NBA.

We’re not sure if we should tip our cap to Dorothy Parker or Ogden Nash.

The Green Lantern of the Boston Celtics, also known as Jaylen Brown, was unable to play basketball last night because he didn’t clean his contact lens properly. He can’t wear goggles like Kyrie.

It can happen to anyone, but sometimes your lens cleaning falls awry and the lens can result in redness and other problems. You will have to take out the lens and not wear it until the eye clears up.

The young Celtic superstar in the making has found that he must revert to his Clark Kent eyeglasses for the foreseeable future.

Jaylen Brown couldn’t play wearing glasses, knowing the last person to do that with some Los Angeles Laker 30 years ago.

So, Jaylen  had to stay in the locker room and tend to his red eye. As the resident intellectual of the team, we think he would look good in glasses on the court. Court

Jaylen, of course, reads voraciously, plays chess dress like a Grand Master, and plays a fortissimo piano.

We suspect that he uses eyeglasses when accomplishing great achievement in those fields. However, being a rock star celebrity of basketball is not in the field of vision.

Eyeglasses being anathema, Jaylen was unable to allow photographs of him with four eyes. We hope his eye clears up soon and he will be back out on the court with his fellow Hardy boy and basketball brother, Jayson Tatum.

Marcus Smart has worn fake eyeglasses to look smart, but Jaylen really is smart.





Another NFL/Media Conspiracy on Our Reserved Seats

DATELINE:  NFL Flies By Seats of Stadium

Who's There?AP/Chiu


As we come down to the home-stretch of the NFL season of 2017, there is an obvious conspiracy afoot, and aseat.

The networks (both cable and airtime) have joined the NFL in deceiving the viewing public.

Though our Commander-in-Chief thinks he is smartly pointing out that football ratings are down because of kneeling football players, he once again has missed the key point:  there are fewer people at the actual games. The seats are empty.

Where once there were screaming throngs and sell-outs at every game across the NFL, there are now many teams faced with the embarrassing lack of din from supporting fans. The lung power of screams of support have turned to boo-bird calls—but the only way to make crowd noise is to fill the stadium with fake sounds.

Now, New England fans may not know what we are talking about. Their stadium at Foxboro is always filled. Indeed, Pat fans know no decline in support. They now are showing up at visiting stadiums where the home crowd is supporting the visiting Patriots. No wonder opponent team owners salivate when the Pats show up: it’s guaranteed revenue. Empty seats disappear.

No wonder the owners are happily taking their teams abroad. In London or Mexico City, language is no barrier to paying fans filling up every seat.

NFL Red Zone doesn’t have to avoid crowd shots of the stadium in a foreign land. Just the needed field goal kicks show the ball flying over empty seats as it hits the net for 3 points. The visual impact is that the viewers realize they are more alone than you might have thought.

Whether Trump is right that the politics of players and the national anthem issue have driven away fans is debatable. Perhaps we are just saturated by games of no importance, and seats of great cost.

Your owner greed has cast them into their own Twilight Zone of Red Zone: charging exorbitant prices for a day at the game has now created the effect of Roman emperors sitting in their luxury boxes watching the peons who paid good money for little entertainment.

Don’t get us started on the camera shots of owners, respectfully called “Mr.” billionaire by fawning broadcasters. That’s a conspiracy for another day.




New Book of Movie & TV Reviews

 “A compendium of enormous balderdash and overwrought and underthought insights!”

Mal Tempo, Long Time Ago book consultant


If you enjoy Ossurworld’s movie and television reviews, with their unique and odd insights into what’s really happening in your favorite movies, then you are in luck! 

Red Carpet Tickets: Movie & TV Reviews collects the best of the blog reports in one place for easy access and reading.

The books is available for smarter readers, both in e-book and print formats, from Amazon.

If you want the perfect time-killer, Red Carpet Tickets is your ticket to ride. 

Ossurworld’s blogs on movies (& TV streams) select only films that you can and should devote time to watching. Bad films are rarely considered for examination. Bloated budgets, ridiculous acting, and skimpy budgets, will not hurt a film’s chances if something intelligent is presented. Ossurworld will let you know.

You can find Ossurworld’s new book online by simply clicking on this blue highlight!

Red Carpet Tickets: Movie & TV Reviews.  (This blog is a self-serving, commercial, and otherwise blatant attempt to win your appreciation of our mini-labors of Hercules.)


Keep the NFL Out of Mexico!

 DATELINE: Belichick’s Complaint


It was bound to happen after a grueling jet lag victory in Mexico City. The Head Coach of the Patriots, Swami Belichick, found his tongue. We need a wall to keep the NFL out of Mexico.

On a local radio show, upon his return from south of the border, he fired off that it was a long trip and a logistical nightmare, requiring too much manpower—and blatantly unfair to players.

In Oakland, the losers of the game, they dealt with jet lag from Mexico by firing their defensive coordinator. To each his own.

However, implicit in Belichick’s harangue was the fact that the NFL stacked the deck against his championship team. It’s done in the name of parity: you make sure every disadvantage in Roger Goodell’s arsenal is dumped on the best team in the NFL this century—from Deflategate fake news to Montezuma’s Revenge.

Belichick also threw into the mix that they were lucky there were no earthquakes during the game or aftershocks. We had noted earlier in the year that the NFL made no comment after the terrible, tragic earthquake about sending a team into the breach, ready or not.

It is reminiscent of the Trump administration returning temporary immigrant visitors back into places unprepared to house them.

Critics jumped all over Belichick for his ignorance, though we had no problem with saying that a trip to Mexico, with its thin air, was not helpful in preparing for the next game up.

Indeed, Belichick referenced Monday night games as having a similar jet lag issue when travel required cross-country trips. We’d have thrown in Thursday night games as being far worse.

Accusers have a bad habit in this country of being disbelieved and mistrusted. When Belichick accuses the NFL of their bad decisions, it is reminiscent of Alabama candidates for the Senate: as Mr. Trump would tell us, nothing is proven about accusations while he cloaks himself in the flag attacking football players who protest their treatment at the hands of nutcases.

But we digress again: sports is like that in the world of politics. Mexico ought to build a wall to keep out the NFL.


Patriots Romp: ‘Yo Soy Fiesta en Mexico’

DATELINE:   Pats Play Bums of the Week


Other than Gronk claiming he was about to have a fiesta, when in fact he actually seemed to enjoy a siesta, Gronk didn’t do much up in that rarified air. Many players were cramping and gasping for oxygen, likely having a locker room IV and banana.

The big news of the game was that history repeated itself. Way back in 1960, Ted Williams was pulled out of left field in the ninth inning and replaced by Carroll Hardy, a rather ignored utility player.

In Mexico City, Tom Brady was replaced with two minutes left in the game by Brian Hoyer, his long-time second banana. Belichick came to the conclusion that the thin air was not helpful to his most senior citizen on the team.

Hoyer has taken the chosen seat on Brady’s right hand on the bench during the game. Vacant since the loss of Julian Edelman, it seemed a natural for place for Hoyer. Not only that, no one ever deigns to talk to Brady during the game—excepting his personal coach Josh McDaniels.

There, for all to see, Brady was chatting with Hoyer during the game! It was definitely record-setting.

It was the most notable moment of a lackluster game. The Pats played, if memory serves, something akin to the Las Vegas Raiders with blue-eyed Derek Carr.

Other than that, the game was notable for a 62-yard field goal in the vacuum of mountain atmosphere, sort of like punting on the Moon.

The other notable gaffe was that NBC had the temerity to pull the game off the air in Boston. This resulted in a nasty reaction that caused NBC, gutless at best, to hastily return the rout telecast back on the tube for Patriot fans.



Fill in the Blanks for “P***y”

 DATELINE:  Vocabulary Lesson for Jerry Jones & Media


This week Jerry Jones has tested our ability to play both Scrabble and do crossword puzzles. The owner of the Dallas Cowboys, mired deeply in a feud with Roger Goodell, reportedly called fellow owner Robert Kraft a mysterious name in regard to the Patriots owner’s inability to stand up to Goodell on Deflategate.

The media has given us a maddening clue by leaving out key letters of the word.

The media has also plastered the word over the airwaves, cable wires, and water-cooler discussions for men who live dangerously around women nowadays.  For those who are fans of President Trump, the word may ring familiar, as he used the epithet (if that’s what it is) during his campaign against women.

In case you are wondering what the cryptic word is, we have gone to our cryptologist’s handbook to discern “P—y.”

In some more colorful stories the spelling is “p***y.”  We always opt for the asterisk over the hyphen as part of our training as a literary critic.

We didn’t have to run to our crossword puzzle dictionary for the Sunday New York Times to be able to figure out what Jerry Jones and President Trump have said.  The options are clear.

It is likely that Mr. Jones called Kraft “pasty.” This is ironical, if only because Jones is even more sun-deprived than Kraft, playing as it were mostly indoors at his stadium. We think Kraft is fairly pasty on his own too.

Another option is “puffy.”  We have heard Sean Combs has discarded this sobriquet lately—and it is available to be put on Kraft who takes a paternal interest in his players, hence “Puffy Daddy.”

However, we realize soon enough that the best likelihood is another word: “Putty.”  Yes, Kraft was putty in the hands of Goodell, and is pliable to the whims of the fans.

You say tomato, and we say “tomahto.” You say “P***y” and we say, “Putty.”  Let’s call the whole thing off before our vocabulary descends into the tone-deaf style of NFL fans in general.


Alabama: Home of Vixen Lolita Teenagers

DATELINE: Roy Humbert Humbert Moore


Actress Sue Lyon as 14-year-old Lolita in 1962

You have to feel sorry for Judge Moore: he was constantly being tempted by a series of Alabama-style Lolita temptresses.

Alabama has once again thrust itself into the laughingstock of the United States. Not since George Wallace tried to block little girls from going to school have we seen such paleo-imbeciles, excepting Jeff Sessions testifying in Congress.

Are they all so backward as Judge Roy Beanbag Moore, the crypto-Nazi who disdains every scandalous sin except his own?

Alabama has thrust itself to the forefront of backward backwoods people—sort of like Afghanistan politics in America.

We knew for sure that you might find someone standing in the doorway, blocking the schools in Alabama, but we never suspected that Judge Moore was sizing up the undergraduate sophomores in the high school as potential “dates.”

Yes, a man who wants to be in the US Senate has a past worthy of a man in the Roman Senate 2000 years ago when emperors and senators could buy teenagers for sex without recrimination.

Alabama might serve as the headquarters for pedophiles in politics. At the least, it is the newly discovered capital of Nabokov’s Lolita-ville.

We did not know it was still possible in Alabama to hold court like a combination of Roman emperors and Ozark hillbillies.

However, Judge Moore has drawn parallels to himself and the Holy Bible. Alas, he missed the point that the man interested in young nubile girls was Herod Antipas—and his intended was step-daughter Salome. Now that might better serve as the metaphor of choice for Moore supporters.

The price this time for victory may be Trump sending Sessions back to the Senate, appointed by the Alabama governor, payment for creating a special prosecutor to investigate and to jail his political enemies. It’s the price of good people doing nothing.

Those paragons of virtue and defenders of morality at Breitbart News have sent undercover operatives to dig up dirt on the accusers, or make up dirt if that is the only other alternative.

We have already recommended Alabama as the Neanderthal’s vision of making America great again. Welcome to the new America that starts to resemble Nazi Germany.




Hernandez: The Brain That Would Not Die

DATELINE: Examining Aaron’s Brain

brain slices

Like a murderous zombie, Aaron Hernandez comes back repeatedly from death.

The latest news story deals with the findings of another pathologist Dr. Anne McKee, head of the Boston University CTE Center, who makes the case that the damage done to the New England football player by repeated concussions is enough to create a Frankenstein’s Monster.

The apparent shrunken and withered frontal lobes to his brain were even worse than originally feared. They had never seen anything quite like it in the brain of a 27-year old physically healthy young man.

There is no doubt that Aaron Hernandez had a magnificent body, well-taken care of. He had no idea that it encased the worst case of damaged goods you could find in the NFL.

Roger Goodell and his partners in crime ought to be cringing.

When doctors reveal it is the most severe trauma they’ve ever seen, you have reason to be freaked out. Those three murders may well have been the result of a mind that had no control over his impulses. He could not make decisions in any normal manner. He suffered a lack of judgment that had nothing to do with his intelligence.

Knowing he felt smart, Hernandez must have been repeatedly puzzled and baffled by his own twisted logic. Doctors insist they have never seen such a condition in anyone under 46 years of age. That is scary.

The doctor said: “…we can say collectively, in our collective experience, that individuals with CTE, and CTE of this severity, have difficulty with impulse control, decision-making, inhibition of impulses for aggression, emotional volatility, rage behaviors.

In other words, he was a perfect Type A personality for the NFL. He had the right genetic marker to make him vulnerable to the condition.

Researchers believe he had deteriorated to the level of someone in his 60s, “the most severe case they had ever seen in someone Aaron’s age.”

It makes you wonder what they might have found in the brains of Billy the Kid, Jack the Ripper or Lizzie Borden.

Dare we say it?  We feel sorry for poor Aaron Hernandez.