Will Success Spoil Tom Brady?

 best buds

DATELINE:  Tony Robbins Extravaganza on Wealth

While former FBI Director James Comey was sticking a knife in the back of Donald Trump, Tom Brady was on stage in Boston giving a peptalk to those willing to pay $3000 to hear his words of wisdom. He did not walk on hot coals as Tony Robbins usually requires.

Based on the notes of Tom’s short speech, he had nothing to say about Donald Trump. Nor did he say a great deal about how he married Big and Beautiful $$$ himself.

That’s one sure way to accumulate wealth fast. In case you are living in a cave, or not a real Patriot fan, Tom’s wife is Giselle Bundchen, the highly successful but retired supermodel.

Tom basically gave his rags-to-riches story in terms of his making every football team where he ever tried out.

In case you didn’t know, he was he was Drew Bledsoe’s back up for a short time. He generously said he learned much from Bledsoe, but we recall that when Bledsoe returned from injury he started acting like Brady.

Someone learned from Tom’s peptalk and he didn’t have to pay an entrance fee. There were plenty of people willing to fork out big bucks to hear this drivel.

Brady admitted he didn’t know how to put on football pads when he first started playing. Fortunately, now he can’t afford to find someone someone to dress him.  They are called personal assistants. To be Tom’s assistant maybe as close as some of these rich folks in the audience will come to success.

We suspect that the audience of millennial’s, as young as they are, are already too old to follow and Tom’s footsteps. That is unless you want to marry money.

Julian Edelman was there as Brady’s personal sidekick and gadfly.  Edelman worships the ground Tom walks on, and apparently sells the sod to those who want to touch greatness.

Julie E has a chip on his shoulder as he told the audience. He had to work for everything he has. It takes a great deal of work to keep everyone away from his good friend Tom Brady. That’s how you remain the best friend (by taking the role of Richard III).

If you missed the Tom Brady/Julian Edelman talk on success, you didn’t miss much. You would’ve learned a great deal more by listening to former FBI Director Comey as he detailed how Tom’s good friend tells lies, plain and simple. And we don’t mean Tony Robbins.

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Kroc Pot Founder

Kroc

DATELINE:  Your Inner Trump

Giving a tour de force performance, Michael Keaton almost wills the movie to be successful. Yet, there is the sound of Beetlejuice coming through when Ray Kroc makes his rapid-fire sales pitch. It is, at first, amusing—and then rather diabolical. It’s like watching Donald Trump’s “how to” video.

It was not the year for a movie about a Trump-style businessman in Hollywood. Just ask Meryl Streep. The Founder tells how McDonalds food chain grew to a billion-burgers-sold by hook and crook.

Other than that, the story reveals how Ray Kroc took the McDonald Brothers idea for fast food and ran with it.

Ray Kroc was not beyond taking credit for the ideas of the original McDonalds creators, but he also had to fight their small-minded integrity to quality. Kroc had traveled around the country selling milk shake mixers and recognized whatever quality McDonalds had was already ten times better than the competition in 1954.

He skimmed a little to expand the business. Shake well and stir.

When you hear Kroc’s explanation of how the Golden Arches fit in with the American flag and church crosses, you almost feel his fervor to eat a hamburger as an act of America becoming great.

What starts out as a visionary film depicting the wonderful ingenuity of the original McDonald brothers deteriorates rapidly into a tale of corporate greed, the side-effect of Ray Kroc’s vision. Beetlejuice in your head can do that.

The film has been ignored for probably glorifying crass commercialism in a Hollywood that thinks it is better than thou. This movie celebrates the Middle America out of fashion among those who hate fast food, environmental carelessness, and persistent ambition.

Dare we call them blue-nose Democrats?

You may not have to be a rugged individualist Republican to become a fan of this movie, but chances are you will be more inclined to see the virtues here among the dubious and ruthless business practices and Seven Deadly Sins.

As a movie depiction of an era and how to rake in a billion per year, this one will fascinate you– if you are willing to drive-thru.

TB12’s A-M DB 11

DATELINE: Tom Brady to Carpool to Work?

TB12's A-M DB 11

Just when you thought it was safe to drive to work during the early morning commute, you learn that Tom Brady is having a custom-made Aston-Martin fitted to his own design specifications.

This sort of transportation transcends the Mini-Cooper and even our own BMW.  Aston Martin will pay Brady some unspecified amount to endorse their low-budget $212,000 cars (options extra).

This certainly makes Peyton Manning’s pizza deal of a lifetime of pepperoni look like anchovies under glass.

In a world of have nots and Trump-level billionaires, Tom Brady is casting his lot with the X-press Way of La Dolce Vita. He will not be allowed to commute to Foxboro from Brookline in the express lane unless he carpools with Julie E.

We don’t see that happening. Julian Edelman lives in Foxboro, not toney Brookline.

A friend of ours met Tom some years ago when he was not far removed from being a sixth round draft pick.

He and my friend met at one of those Cape Cod charity events when Tom watched as our friend had his red MB SLK 320 roof slide into the back seat.

Tom was agog, and said: “I need to get one of those.”

How times have changed.

He can now afford three of those Mercedes to one Aston Martin DB 11.  When Tom pushes a button on his new A-M, the entire car folds into the back seat.

And we were going to tell him to buy Aaron Hernandez’s used assassin 4-Runner Deathmobile SUV for sentimental reasons. He’s outdone us again.

 

 

 

 

Rex Ryan’s Hope and Other Soap Operas

DATELINE: HUMOR!

rex REX RYAN IN BETTER FED DAYS

Rex Ryan has become even more insufferable this season, from his choice of captains for the coin toss to wearing his son’s football helmet to a press conference.

We love whimsy and situation comedy—but T-Rex never settles for farce when he can deliver burlesque. We hope he never drops his fig leaf and keeps spraying seltzer down his pants.

We expect some fan to try to break his jaw when the Bison go on a stampede off the field.

Lately he has started to praise Caesar Belichick like Brutus at the funeral pyre—and curse Brady for keeping that court artist painting in his attic.

Like Casca, he believes the mighty Belichick is too ambitious. And worse, he has his laurel wreaths on order. T-Rex is showing his green-eyed monster beneath the petticoat. And like Brutus, Ryan keeps waking up at night at the nightmare vision of Belichick at another Super Bowl.

The T-Rex team continues to play out the background of Niagara Falls, step by step. Shall Rex go out with a bang?  He said he will be fired if Brady scores 200 points against his team.  He will then join his twin brother in the unemployment line—or worse, on the CBS pregame show.

Ryan just wants to set Bill Belichick up for a nervous breakdown. Someone should tell T-Rex that a nervous breakdown implies you have frayed nerves. Belichick is frayed of nothing.

Bills Plan on a Victory Lap, if not Parade

DATELINE: More Media, Less Taste

alien 3

Rex Ryan Torments the Patriot Cheerleaders

If you are puzzled by the hype for the Monday Night game between the Pats and Bills, so are we.

Every media razzle-dazzler is trying to up the ratings for his own benefit. There is no other explanation for making this game bigger than the first landing of man on the Moon.

This is apparently the Super Bowl for the Buffalo Bills—and they are spouting off that they intend to get to Brady and Gronk. They must be expecting the NFL to give them special rights to have 15 men on the field for every play.

Beyond that, we begin to wonder if we are losing more brain cells to the endlessly overblown ego of media shills. They keep telling us that the Patriots are in trouble until we begin to question it ourselves.

Yeah, the Pats will be without Jamie Collins, Dion Lewis, and Julian Edelman as well as Nate Solder. Is it the end of the world for playoff hopes? For possible victory? For human decency?

We suspect not.

The Patriots have brought in Vereen and Fauria for the game. It sounds like the Ghosts of Xmas Past.

Yes, those names of the past are baaaack like your favorite poltergeist.

Of course, it is Christian Fauria’s nephew and Shane Vareen’s little brother on the new roster.  It does not matter because it means Belichick is going to history to teach T-Rex Ryan that those who do not learn the hard lessons of historical inevitability are about to suffer detention and demerits.

Chris McCain: Wanted for Impersonating a College Player

DATELINE:  Can the Dolphin

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For a few short days, the Dolphins will live, feel dawn, see sunset glow, but then the Patriots will host them at Gillette Stadium, the last refuge of braggadocio scoundrels.

Soon the Dolphins too will lie in tuna factory with the Jets, the Colts, and four other victims of Tom Brady’s “revenge on them all” bunch.

The latest in a long litany of ninnies is Dolphin Chris McCain, not to be confused with Chris Crocker, the dimwit who cried about being fair to Britney Spears and later became a gay porn star.

McCain is in the mold of Sheldon Richardson, Richard Sherman, and a series of loudmouth punks who try to tie their names to Tom Brady. It must have something to do with hoping fifteen minutes of fame will rub off during a 60-minute game. Fat chance.

This Mr. McCain is no war hero and is not related to Senator John McCain. This former California Golden Bear plays for the rejuvenated and deluded Miami Dolphins. About a year ago he posted his Twitter photo that featured him squeezing Tom Brady’s head like it was a walnut.

This bulletin board material will hardly inflame anyone on the Patriots, though Julien Edelman might have some kind of Photoshop response with a tad more wit and a little less subtlety. McCain seems to have stunted mental growth, keeping him at the primary levels of thinking skills.

Kicked off his college team for conduct detrimental to the team, he was signed by Miami—the team that brought you Aaron Hernandez’s best friend, Mike Pouncey, the man with the Free Hernandez cap.

Now that the new Coach Campbell is accepting everything from soup to nuts on his squad, McCain fits right in as the cracker in the bowl of hearty har-har Chicken Noodle soup.

McCain’s claim to fame, besides being expelled from his college football team, is that he boasts a Wikipedia biography of a dozen lines, and not many statistics worth repeating. His Dolphins webpage biography is a sign of diminishing returns. Is there anything there? Is there anyone home?

We expect Gronk to bounce him out of the club on Thursday night.