Bogged Down on Oak Island

Erin Helton

DATELINE: Erin Goes Wild

We haven’t seen quite a powerful reaction to a new member of the cast as has been given to Erin Helton, the new resident cartographer. Curse of Oak Island has a new big star.

Somebody has noticed, as she now makes a weekly appearance, and this time she was right at the top of the show with her theories being encouraged and appreciated by the Laginas—not your usual first reaction from them. Marty flatters her for having one of the “best minds.” Wow.

Some have asked if she is Rick’s new girlfriend, which is fairly amusing. Erin is young enough to be his daughter and smart enough to see what she’d be getting. In fact, ciphers are here specialty. She tells us that Zena’s Templar map has shown exactly where the treasure vault is.

More and more dating on the island discoveries is going deeper into the past. Seven weeks after finding that Chinese coin, they bring is a numismatist who tells them it is over 1000 years old. Speculation centers on that it was a lucky coin until someone lost it. But when were lucky coins popular, and where did you keep them? We doubt that Knights Templar had wallets or pockets.

Gary Drayton is still the best worker on the show—taking Peter Fornetti out and finding a wharf pin that he estimates is older than 1700 era.

Dr. Eric Taylor is now the on-site archaeologist and works on the Serpent Mound, putting it again, at least 1000 years ago. It is now becoming evident that Templar, or even pre-Templar treasure was placed on Oak Island.

For good measure, Erin Helton puts in a second appearance by telephone later in the show. That’s the power of stardom.

 

Downtown Blast by ET Lizard Conspiracy Theorist

Miss Petula Clark

 DATELINE: Christmas Mess

The dismay and surprise is now palpable over the bombing in Nashville by Anthony Quinn Warner.

An alleged alarm expert, Warner parked his RV in front of AT&T and let off a tremendous explosion on Christmas morning. He apparently did this heinous act when few people were in the area, as if that somehow ameliorated his nutcase action.

Now we have learned that he played on loudspeaker, the seminal 1960s hit song, “Downtown,” by the perky Petula Clark. The actress and singer, now a grande dame, expressed shock that of all the housands of songs, the mad bomber chose her iconic little tune.

“Downtown” has been satirized many times over the decades as a happy song about ghettos, but no one has had the nerve to blow up the downtown of a city. The bomber could have proceeded a few blocks to the Country Western Hall of Fame, but chose not to.

The late actor Anthony Quinn (known for playing Zorba the Greek) would also probably object and wonder why someone named after him would turn into a mad bomber.

We have also learned that Anthony Quinn Warner (no relation to the movie studio however much like a movie it seemed) was a fan of Ancient Aliens. He believed that extra-terrestrial lizard people who lived underground have been trying to take over the Earth. 

We are sure more weird parallels are about to emerge.

 

 

Autopsy on Andy Warhol

No House Calls Please: Dr. Hunter

DATELINE:  Squeamish Forensic Show

Dr. Michael Hunter, host of the Reelz network series called Autopsy, is said to be a leading forensic pathologist in a major American city. It’s unnamed to protect the innocent.

In his series, you must come to trust his judgment and theories, as he either confirms or adds to the official closing on the lives of famous singers, celebrities, or people in the news. We thought to look at his outlier, Andy Warhol, surely a famous figure, but one highly misunderstood and often dismissed.

Since Warhol died in 1987, at age 58, there are only a few first-person friends who agree to be interviewed for their insights. These include a biographer, a fellow photographer of lesser note, and Warhol’s two nephews. They are all highly devoted and deeply mournful over his loss, even decades later.

The case of Andy Warhol starts in youth, as Hunter points out that he had rheumatic fever as a child and watched his parents succumb to hospital ineffective treatment. It made him cautious of hospitalization, and finally terrified of even driving past one.

Andy never took recreational drugs, which seems a surprise to Hunter, but he leaps on two points. Warhol took one diet pill every day and was hooked on painkillers like Demerol (and for good reason).

Despite his suffering and weird social life, Warhol was a hard-working and productive artist whose playful media image made him seem slightly ridiculous.

Hunter does describe the horrific attack by nutcase Valerie Solanis who shot Warhol multiple times in 1968 and left him a pitiful shell. He had incisive hernias and had to wear a girdle to hold in his intestines for 20 years. Adhesions and scars gave him intestinal pain, and he never wanted to see his naked body, riddled with scars.

What Hunter fails to note is that Warhol’s would-be killer was a free woman after 3 years in a mental hospital. He was terrified she would return and finish the job. He used body doubles (also apparently unknown to Hunter) and photos may be of a double, not Andy. He also used assumed names and avoided public appearances where Solanis might find him.

He refused gall bladder surgery for years, and finally relented. It went well, but the patient still died mysteriously. Warhol’s death is inexplicable even by modern pathology, and you may feel Andy’s pain. He did not deserve the horrid fate he suffered.

Roswell, Part Three, End All

Marcel’s Wreckage from UFO

DATELINE: New Info on Roswell

The results of History’s Greatest Mysteries  may be the least disappointing of a well-produced series. You can’t have a steal of home base on every episode, but the show has taken the safe road nearly every time.

The Roswell investigation has uncovered some disturbing testimony that contradicts government coverups of 70 years, now by grandchildren of the original witnesses. If you add new technology into the mix as a means of corroborating, you have a new case.

If there is anything to be claimed, it is that your U.S. government cannot be trusted.

Researcher Ben Smith starts with a 1981 taped interview with a college journalist who became Dr. Linda Corley who managed to extract more info from Major Jesse Marcel:  the marks were written on a block of wood (or something like wood) in a Tyrolean Note form of ancient writing.

When apprised of this, he backed off: someone came and threatened him from an unknown agency. Men in black?

His notebook was written by a colleague who had a home-made code, nearly impossible to break. Marcel did begin to reveal more and more as the 1980s came, shortly before his death. He may even have kept some artifacts to prove his case, but they are now “lost.”

Another officer not interviewed previously told his relatives that he was in charge of destroying files. He may have written the memo book. His name was Patrick Saunders, and now another name is added to the registry of fame.

If you want that smoking gun, it isn’t here. Nothing is definitive, but everything is suggestive. Key information is being withheld, but we do hear that U.S. military radar used some kind of ray to shoot down UFOs, about six in a year in New Mexico in the late 1940s. So, the flying saucers were not smashed up because of bad drivers.

We could only think of Nikola Tesla and his death ray.

 

Part Two on History’s Roswell

DATELINE: More Roswell Insights

History’s Greatest Mysteries starts off the second of three episodes with a bang:  the journal of Maj. Jesse Marcel was written by someone else, likely one of the fellow officers at the base where he found the UFO (or weather balloon) wreckage.

The researcher for this miniseries seems to be hot on the trail of something, and Laurence Fishburne intones that we are in “uncharted territory.”

The real issue of this episode is the “Memo” held by Gen. Ramey after a press conference with the weather balloon. Whose signature is on the telegram? They hint it could be J. Edgar Hoover and his code name “Temple.”

Whatever, they bring in microscopic and electronic microscopes to read the memo.

Of course, these shows have attention deficit issues and are back at Roswell, visiting the “Impact Site.”  Here is where witnesses saw little men wandering and others dead in a craft about the size of a Volkswagen bus about 40 miles north of Roswell.

Marcel’s journal is brought to a York, PA, professor of math who is a cryptologist. One look at the journal and he sees a cipher with “biliterate code.” That’s using cap letters in mid-printed word.

Ben Smith, main researcher, also consults a body language expert to show Marcel interviews from years ago. She seems to think he believes what he says.

The sheriff’s elderly daughter reports with a broken heart that what the Roswell officer saw and the pressure the government put on him drove him to lose his mind within a few years. He claimed to have seen the alien bodies.

The final five minutes seem a rush to bring together all the expert points—but fear not. There is another episode coming. History Channel is truly investing in this historical issue, making a miniseries within the miniseries. 

 

Oak Island: Mountain or Ant Hill

Key to what?

 DATELINE: Too Much Unexplained

Every episode of Curse of Oak Island  begins with the onerous tones of Robert Clotwothy announcing it’s “the start of another day,” on Oak Island. It’s beginning to sound like “Once upon a time….”

But this show has our usual workers up early and doing their jobs: Peter Fornetti is the digger with Gary Drayton’s metal detecting. He always finds something interesting, and a trail of ox shoes from 1700 may be indicating a path to glory.

Diving is one of the big tasks this week, looking at some unusual features outside the swamp area. We always enjoy seeing the younger generation take charge—and this time, it is Alex Lagina, Peter Fornetti, and Jack Begley who go off with experienced diver Tony Sampson.

Another new research assistant, named Noah Currie, shows up without much fanfare or explanation with Gary Drayton. In one sequence Drayton finds what appears to be a giant, ancient key. Not much is made of this unusual finding.

The locate some wild metal detections, but are not allowed to dig to learn what it is. These restrictions tend to make the entire operation futile and senseless. The young researchers fail to make any point about some electromagnetic interference with their communication system.

Marty Lagina thinks putting fins on Gary Drayton might give better results.

The oddest thing of the episode was the discovery of the molehill:  there is a serpent mound on the island, a long twisty arrangement of stones and earth. Experts come by to contribute to the mystery, noting some serpent mounds can be 2000 years old and are ceremonial.

We wait till the re-appearance of Erin the cartographer next week.

Nikola Tesla Would’ve Loved It

Tesla Nephew William Turbo

DATELINE: More Tesla Myths Tested

The opening episode of the Tesla’s Death Ray: Murder Declassified  is the sort of use of science that Tesla might have laughed about and agreed it was the right way to go.

Unfortunately, the series from 2018 is the brainchild of three non-experts who never do give their credentials other than the obvious. To call the episode “Mad Scientist of Long Island,” may seem a bit disrespectful, sort of like using the Tesla coils as a backdrop in a Frankenstein movie.

The show takes great pleasure in pointing out that the FBI released hundreds of Tesla-related documents in 2016, and these guys were on the spot with a desire to re-create the mythic “death ray,” and prove the scientist was murdered at age 86.

If you’re looking for murder, it isn’t in the opener. Instead, the hotshot hosts are ready to gallivant around the country to prove the existence of a Death Ray weapon of mass destruction. In doing so, they do uncover some interesting interview subjects.

First up is an old man named William Turbo (no pun intended) who is the grand-nephew of Tesla, perhaps the last man alive who actually met and knew the scientist. His memory as a nine-year old is quite distinct: Tesla was in chaos as far as his filing and notes were concerned, even a child saw that.

Mr. Turbo gave the show the idea to look for tunnels under Wardenclyffe. And, they are off to the races.

A second pit-stop is with the great-grandson of Stanford White, the notorious architect murdered because of his pedophile relationship with actress Evelyn Nesbit, now purported to be one of Tesla’s best friends. Sebastian White reveals that Tesla stayed in the home of Stanford often—and was seen wandering in the garden at 3 am because of his insomnia.

The grounds of Wardenclyffe are off limits for digging, but the town gives permission to dig outside the private property where sink holes indicate a tunnel may be located.

Tesla would have loved the ground-penetrating radar and other means of using electrical impulses to look deep underground. He also would have loved sending these ‘researchers” on a wild goose chase.

Ancient Aliens Take on Noah & the Great Flood

Ganymede: Boy-napped!

 DATELINE: They’re No Angels!

You can call this week Land of the Giants, Part 2. After looking at the Big Deal of Big Men around Campus, we turn now to a Biblical evidence of angels and cutting problems down to size.

Ancient Aliens love a tall tale. This week we continue to rattle off pie in the sky.

The theory is that Noah was a giant albino, genetically engineered to save mankind from a group of unpleasant giant aliens. And, for good measure, those angels were actually physical beings working as messengers.

So, we have Enoch and some of the first alien abduction stories. This includes Zeus boy-napping Ganymede with a giant eagle for more than prurient reasons. It was truly abduction with an abusive angle.

These are dangerous texts not meant for everyone’s eyes. So, the Hebrew and Christian Bibles were much smaller than the Book of Giants that predates Genesis. It seems those Big Boys weren’t playing nice, being cannibals of human flesh. Noah had to rid the world of these pests.

And, Noah had help: 200 Watchers, who were angels with clipped wings. They were using misunderstood technology to ferry around the world. The Great Flood is more likely to be indicated by geological evidence.

If you’re wondering why there was a Great Flood after the Great Pyramid, you have to look for solar flares that melted the ice caps and flooded the world. This burnt layer is 50 feet deep all around the world, proving the theory, say the alien theorists.

Enoch took off with his alien buds, but announced he’d return eventually.

 

 

 

Roswell & History Channel

Jesse Marcel 1947, 1980.

 DATELINE: New Evidence Forthcoming?

With its Cadillac history investigation series with Laurence Fishburne, we had little hope for more than another cover-up with their new program. All the past shows have ignored and distorted enough evidence to support traditional and conventional theories that we don’t expect much.

The episode, however, has promise—as they have been contacted by the grandchildren of the  first government official to visit the crash site. They have their grandfather’s journal from that era.

Major Jesse Marcel found odd wreckage covering a large desolate area—and for years he stayed quiet when the material he discovered was exchanged for debris from a weather balloon. He was incensed at being so used—and in 1980, shortly before he died, gave an interview to Leonard Nimoy’s In Search of TV series.

The former CIA researcher has to authenticate the journal, which is gibberish (in code?) and in different styles of handwriting (to mask identity?). Or, was there a second writer?

We immediately suspected Marcel’s pre-pubescent son took the journal and was writing in it, innocently and apart from the crash controversy.

However, we first notice that the TV show re-enactor for Major Marcel has the uniform of a corporal. So much for care to accuracy.

The investigation at the site includes drones, radiation measurements, and ground-penetrating radar. Soil samples will date when some heat-related activity occurred in this remote area.

Ben Smith, lead investigator, discovers there is much protection of privacy from children and grandchildren of witnesses. Mac Brazel, the rancher who found the debris, has an elderly grandson who also is reclusive but reveals what he knows.

The journal is genuine, according to the expert, and the second part of this fascinating study is forthcoming. There is only one writer, despite the odd change in handwriting. Everyone suspects it is in code.

 

 

 

 

Black Life, 1950

Legendary Ethel Waters

DATELINE: Guest Writer Today

Back in 1950, the first time I saw a black person I was two-years old. I had never seen any such people of color.

My mother took me one day to Woolworth’s Five and Dime. It was always pleasant because they had a soda fountain, and often we stopped for ice cream.

One day we did not.

As was my habit, I wandered away from mother who was preoccupied at some bin of clothing. As I turned the corner and looked up, there standing at another bin doing her shopping was an elderly black woman, immaculately dressed and even with a hat squarely on her head.

In those days, you dressed up even to go out for a walk.

Of course, she did not notice me, but I screamed in horror and pointed at her with alarm.  I was traumatized and shocked.

Never in my life had I seen such a thing: a human of such color!. My mother ran over and apologized profusely, and the old lady was without reaction. Later I would imagine she had experienced far worse in her long life.

My mother dragged me out of the store, explaining repeatedly that there was nothing wrong with her: the old lady was not ill, nor disfigured. Her skin was a dark color, that’s all. She was born that way. Some people in the world were of different skin color. I am not sure that mollified me.

Later in the week, she sat me before our tiny round-screen TV set (a tiny Zenith model, first on the block) and put on a show called Beulah,which starred the marvelous and legendary singer and actress Ethel Waters .

It was a rarity: TV with black people back then. Beulah was the benevolent and wise housemaid to a family of rich white people. She solved their problems with grace and respect on each episode. It was some kind of fantasy world.

But that was life in 1950. When I thought about today’s human rights movement, Black Lives Matter, the little silly incident came back to my memory.

Oak Island Star Emerges

Erin Helton

 

DATELINE: Busy Week

If you need to boost ratings on a sagging treasure hunt that seems to go nowhere and digs up the same old coin and broken axe weekly, you could not do worse than cartographer icon Erin Helton.

She made another appearance and a bigger splash than Carmen Legge or Dr. Ian Spooner. Has she taken the place of Dr. Brousseau?

Erin knocked the War Room for a loop with her latest discovery that crossed out the boundary of map reading. She announced that the famous cross of the Templars found by Gary Drayton on the shoreline is not necessarily what you think.

She told them to use the misshapen cross like a protractor and draw some lines to overlay on a map of the island. Hmmm. Has she found something?

Dr. Spooner showed up for a couple of intriguing moments: he went out into the swamp with Rick Lagina to discover a road or platform over 70 feet wide. And later he took Alex Lagina out to examine the old eroded shorelines to figure out what it looked like 1000 years ago.

Alex looks like he has been eating too much during the pandemic, locked up with his father, and so he jumped at the chance to go out looking at sonar to find ship wrecks along the island shore.

And, Carmen Legge confirmed Gary Drayton’s immediate judgment that a piece of metal was a 1700 pot belly stove from a ship.

These findings set the table for more fascinating developments.

 

 

 

Indian Creek Island v. Carson Beach in Southie

Exclusive Means Expensive

DATELINE:  Never New England

It’s not exactly Boston’s resort, Southie’s Carson Beach, and it has a politically incorrect name, but it is home to the richest, most exclusive snobs in America. No one has proposed dropping the offensive “Indian” name.

Just call it Billionaires A-Go-Go!

Indian Creek Island now has infamy. Tom Brady and his almost billionaire wife have purchased property there, will tear down the present house, and build something suitable to their royal status.

Apparently the property and lousy house on the grounds belonged to the late Don Shula, Miami Dolphins coach, which is why Tom couldn’t live there without striking down an undefeated seasonal mansion.

Some of the other hoity-toity neighbors on the exclusive and police-guarded island include Julio Inglesias, and Beyonce was just beyond ownership till she sold out.

Inglesias just sold a plot of land to Ivanka Trump for about $30million. There, she and hubby Jared Kushner plan to build their love-nest as she contemplates running for senator from Florida.

This will also mark a mismatch of sorts with her old rejected beau, Brady. It seems 15 years ago President for Life Trump tried to arrange a marriage between Tom and Ivanka, but they went in other directions. Brady has maintained his political friendship with the disgraced coup d’etat president.

Now, all will be reunited in filthy lucre and with private docks for their yachts. The manses circle a large golf course and country club with an exclusive membership of 30 or so residents.

Tom Brady, who hated New England where he could not golf for most of the year, will have a course behind his bungalow of 25 rooms. No hoodies allowed.

We are not sure if the area has sniper nests to prevent unwanted visitors, or just gun turrets along the fancy road that encircles this billionaire bunker.

With neighbors like Rick Pitino as a sports buddy for Tom, and with Elle McPherson as a model buddy for Giselle, you have home, sweet home.

 

 

 

By Any Other Name, President-Elect

Club Elect

 DATELINE: Un-Elected Dis-Elected 

Now that the Electoral College has voted, let’s call a spade a spade.  Joe Biden is President-Elect.

If our logic is correct, that makes the present occupant of the Oval Office the President-Unelect. It seems we have too many presidents buzzing around. If you count all those deadbeats who gather together in a little club, you have five or six others too.

They have been unelected for years, but show up for historic photos now and then, all smiling and friendly. Well, that’s about to end. One new member of the Un-elected President Club will surely be black-balled from the White House.

Trump has already been disinvited from funerals and other functions that, like Groucho Marx, he won’t attend with other presidents that will have him as a member.

Trump has not invited the latest President-Elect to the White House, and the other President-Unelecteds have also stopped coming around for photo oops.

Sen.-Diselect Lindsay Graham has now claimed he will not call the President-Elect by that title, but will refer to him as Just Joe. It seems a bit unjust, Joe.

By Jan. 20th, Graham will be called Mudd when President Un-Elect Trump will be in Florida, helping Ivanka prepare to run for the next President-Elect job.

None of this should confuse you when it comes to the role of Attorney General, which is now Dis-Barred.

John le Carré’s Cold Spy Diamonds

George Smiley’s Best Friend

 DATELINE:  Spy Writer of Cold War

With the passing of  John le Carré at age 89 at the end of 2020, we have the true ending to the Cold War. If anyone managed to portray it for forty years in all its cold-hearted, ruthless, black and white ennui, it was this master writer.

If you wanted spy humor, you went to James Bond. If you wanted spy thrills, you turned the the former spy who worked for MI-6 and then worked for himself as a novelist.

Back in the 1960s, if you  wanted a thinking man’s spy thriller, you went to a film based on John le Carré, and if you wanted a thriller with twists, you went to Mission: Impossible. If you wanted laughs, you turned to James Bond.

He created one dull master spy who was deadlier than 007. That was George Smiley. Some of the greatest actors jumped at the chance to play him—even if they changed his name to something less ironic in the adaptations.

You can find Alec Guinness, Richard Burton, Denholm Elliot,  Gary Oldman, and James Mason, all playing Smiley.

In one film version of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, you will find Tom Hardy as a slimeball gay agent. Now he has graduated to be the next James Bond.

All-star casts wanted to play small roles in these chess-match movies. You needed nerves of steel to be an espionage agent who was treated like T-paper at the end of the roll. Great actors like Toby Jones, Colin Firth, Benedict Cumberbatch, Ciaran Hinds, Oskar Werner, Hugh Laurie, Maximilian Schell, and others wanted roles in various versions.

The stories and characters are all of a piece, no matter who directed and when they came together. The seminal opener was The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, or two versions of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.  You might find The Night Manager a surprise, or Deadly Affair  so different from your usual spy novel/movie fare.

This grand writer of espionage and spies has left us with a brilliant legacy and a smorgasbord  of human drama. Whether it happens in the rivalry between Soviets and Americans, the psychology and personality of the men who did this work make for compelling tales.

We think John le Carré (a pen name for David Cornwell) will live forever, and we did enjoy his cameo appearance inThe Night Managerin his latter years. Start anywhere. You can’t go wrong with watching—or reading a master storyteller.

 

 

 

Almereyda’s Strange Nikola Tesla

Pie in Your Face?

DATELINE: Not Your Standard Tesla Biog

If Michael Almereyda makes the movie, it will be unconventional. It’s been 20 years since he and Ethan Hawke did Hamlet, and now they are teamed to take on Tesla who is even more morose and downbeat. What’s bizarre is that this biopic of Tesla is actually comedic.

Where else can you have a pie in the face moment between Edison and Tesla? Well, they use ice cream cones. Tesla on roller skates? Yes, that too.

If there is a point of utter amusement, it is Kyle MacLachlan as Edison. The real wizard of Menlo stole all his best ideas, and the actor playing him steals every scene with relish and pizzazz. Yes, you ought to call this film Edison. 

One fascinating and unusual technique is to use black and white 19thcentury photos in front of which Tesla walks (in Hawke’s prolonged stupor). Also outrageous is the blatant cruelty of Edison in killing dogs, horses, elephants, or people, with electricity to prove a point. It is appalling sociopathic behavior.

Most of the film covers the years that Tesla and Edison were reasonably young in the 19thcentury, though both actors seem like middle-aged versions, even in youth.

The film is narrated by J. Pierpont Morgan’s daughter, Anne (Eve Hewson), who is smitten with Tesla and knows her influence over her father will bode well for investment.  She often tells tales that never happened, like Edison and Tesla meeting at the 1893 World’s Fair for apology over pie. Edison wants a partnership and is proud of his motion picture invention (a conceit of Almereyda likely).

Other amusing scenes include Tesla and Edison vying for the attention of Sarah Bernhardt (unlikely as Tesla was likely gay), and the experiments in Colorado take on the appearance of Dr. Frankenstein in his laboratory. A brief meeting with the founding Swami of Hinduism is shown, but not of their ties to other famous believers in spiritualism.

The final straw for J.P. Morgan was Tesla’s belief he was receiving vibrations from Mars (or the undead, not noted in film). Of all the bizarre elements, the finish of Ethan Hawke singing “Everyone Wants to Rule the World,” is both delicious and hilarious.