DATELINE: Countdown to Madness
We almost decided not to tell the story of the Patriots this year.
You may have not noticed, but since 2011, we have been putting out an annual, and sometimes twice-yearly book of collected observations, based on our hither and yon blog.
So, we thought we ought to skip this year: there would never be another Super Bowl run like the last one.
How lucky we stayed the course. How wrong we were.
If we had not done this year’s catalogue, we’d have missed ten big stories. Here they are, ascending or descending, it doesn’t matter.
- The Patriots bought not one, but two, 747 jets to travel in style around the world—as far away as Mexico and as near as Buffalo. The Two Jet Krafts rivaled the AirForce One of the President.
- Bad pennies kept coming back: stories about Aaron Hernandez, Martellus Bennett, and James Harrison, meant vampires lived in the Patriot mythology.
- Tom Brady declined to go to the White House in the mode of Trump’s best pal, and the snub was returned when Trump started golfing with Peyton Manning. Tom & Trump never spoke again.
- The continuing soap opera about Tom Brady’s stolen blouse, taken by a culprit in the fake news media who parlayed his access to the Pats locker room whilst Tom collected awards at the Super Bowl LI, became a memorabilia nightmare. A young fan from Seattle saved the day by fingering the crook and locating the lucky and unlucky stolen blouse.
- Tom’s incredible vanishing backups shocked the football world. Two highly prized young quarterbacks were in destiny’s path to replace Brady in the near or distant future. A funny thing happened on the way to the Super Bowl… Jimmy G and Jacoby B were gone with the wind.
- The Mirror Crack’d was once an Agatha Christie murder mystery, but Tom Brady usurped the idea when he deliberately smashed a mirror to prove there is no such thing as bad luck. Immediately, people around him started dropping like the Bubonic Plague hit Boston.
- There were many victims of the TB12 Method that looked like a strategy out of the Lady Macbeth/Bill Belichick playbook. However, it was not Giselle who had a Merlin-style magic hold on Brady. It was his masseur and business partner, godfather Alex Guerrero.
- Tom Brady never gives up when he is losing in the fourth quarter. From amazing Super Bowl comebacks to weekly games that fans gave up on: Tom came back and won them all, making it a risky business to shut off the Pats on TV in the third quarter if they are losing badly.
- Cold War within Patriots would have been the top story in any other year. Belichick, Kraft, and Brady were feuding and fighting, sick and tired of each other after 17 years of championships. Imagine how quickly they would have ended their business acumen & agreements if they lost all those seasons.
- *** We suspected it for a long time, but Tom’s complete Insanity came to the forefront, whether it was joining up with Tony Robbins, or pontificating like Rasputin on a 6-part TV series, smashing mirrors, or insisting he was a pleasant person (sort of like his pal Trump claiming he is a stable genius). This year Tom Brady proved he was a true nutcase and kookoo bird.
What a season. What a year. And, the Super Bowl is still ahead.